I’m Not A Bad Mom Because I Take Medication

Thank you. It's 1:40 am, I'm exhausted but cannot sleep, wondering whether I can cope until morning. Your post has given me the boost that I need to try to get to sleep, call my P-doc in the morning and look at adjusting medication.

I don't know what I would have done without reading this, but you can probably chalk this one up as an extra star in your crown in heaven, and a life saved.

Not only are you not a bad mom, you are a brave and considerate mom. You have also just saved a life.

Thank you

I didn't start taking antidepressants until after I had my second child, but I'm pretty sure Celexa kept me from killing my kids and myself. I should have started meds much sooner than I did, for everyone's sake.

Wonderful and brave post!

Thank you for sharing this story. I can't believe that there might be people left out there in the world who would judge depression and its devastating effects. I am so thrilled to be able to report that I've just crawled out of an 18-month hole of darkness, and the hell of trying 4, 5, 6 different medicines until we found the combo that made me feel whole again. I have never been that close to insane before in my life, and I will live the rest of my days in total humbled awe that that can be part of the human experience. But yes, yes, it can. In fact, I think it defines the human experience: what comes our way is ours to bear, and to carry those burdens as lightly as we can, we must accept their presence, and not be made small by them. But instead, be made larger. I'm so happy to meet and know so many women who have walked this path, even though we all walk it totally alone.

Thank you for this. I take meds. I am not a bad mom.

You'll get no judgment from me. My husband and I both suffer from anxiety/depression to varying degrees, and the state of one another's emotional health can definitely take its toll on the other one. We've struggled in our marriage at times because of this. Now we have a little girl for whom we also have to care and model our behavior in a way that is healthy for her. So, I *know* how important it is to be constantly aware of your ever-fluctuating moods and to self-advocate when something feels "off." I applaud you for doing just that. And I would agree that it does make you a better mom.

I love your willingness to self advocate and be transparent about your struggles and thoughts about depression and medication. Thank you so much for sticking up for those of us who have come to the realization that we need this sort of help to improve quality of life for everyone in the house. So grateful for your friendship and support *HUG*

Thank you for writing this. My psychiatrist just suggested that I reconsider trying to go off meds before pregnancy. The more I think about it, the better the idea seems. I was beginning to lose thoughts of my own health in thoughts about the hypothetical health of the hypothetical future children. Not an option! http://conceptionquestions.wordpress.com

I was too afraid of pursuing pregnancy while on meds and too afraid to undo all of my progress by going off of them for nthe duration of pregnancy/nursing.

So my husband and I opted to pursue adoption. It's been an interesting journey so far.

I wish you and your family the best.

I've been on Paxil for almost a year now & it has been a great thing. I believe it makes me a better mother & wife too.

Thanks for sharing your story!!!

Your story is very similar to mine.

It's a shame that the stigma of mental illness is still so powerful that we feel the need to excuse our need for treatment. We are good moms because we are taking care of ourselves, just like we would if we had diabetes or high blood pressure.

You're teaching your kids perseverance, kindness, and how to work through struggles. Pretty awesome lessons, if you ask me!

Nancy also blogs about parenting, writing, and assorted nonsense at Away We Go. ( http://www.npoj.blogspot.com ) You can follow her on Twitter:  @AwayWeGoNancy.

Thank you for reading and commenting! I really do hope it can and will help others. Take care.

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

Thank you for your honesty. I'm sure you have helped a lot of moms who are struggling with the decision to take much needed medication or not.

I wish you luck in your journey and hope you find the right meds soon.

what beautiful strong supportive words. You are so right. mental illness is a real illness and needs real treatment. its so sad there are stigmas and fear about talking about it. i hope my words can help others as well as myself.

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

i appreciate you commenting Amber. Thank you.

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

Wow, what a nice thought that it would someday be unnecessary to write something like this. Stigmas begone! Thank you.

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

Thank you for commenting. We are a BIG group of very strong women.

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

Oh yes it can, but things are going pretty well. I really appreciate you reading and commenting.
Take care

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

Love the support all the same. You're in very good company here. Thank you!!

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

Its completely understandable to feel that way. The fear of what people will think is a hard one to get past. I just took the leap. I hope when the time is right for you, maybe you will too.

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

Totally agree. Thank you!

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

I've had weight issues bc of meds too and ended up changing a couple years ago for that reason (and now changing again as you read) but finding the balance that makes you a happier person will make you a better mom. And that is wonderful.

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

You're so strong for working to stay off if you feel its what's best for you and your family.Gotta love our supportive spouses! Thank you for commenting. Take care!

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

Because clearly you are smart, brave, self-aware and sensitive. And if people treated depression like the real illness that it is, they'd stop judging those who take their meds NO MATTER WHAT because that is what people do when they have an illness, especially a chronic condition. Would people expect a woman with a heart condition or some other disorder to stop taking meds that are essentially saving her life? People who say this kind of stuff have zero idea what it's like to have this kind of depression, nor have they ever been truly close with someone who experiences it.

I say screw them. You know what you're doing. And the fact is, half the world is insane/lost/unhappy, so chances are, the very people who are judging you could probably benefit from some meds themselves!

Good luck with the transition to another med. I know it can be brutally difficult, but you just have to remind yourself how strong you are and have been, even when you don't feel that way. The road there might suck, but eventually you will arrive where you want to be.

You're doing what you need to do to make sure you can be there for your children. Anybody who has a problem with that should try walking a mile (or heck, even a few steps) in your shoes.

You are doing what it takes to make sure that your kids have a happy, healthy mom - that's awesome.

If you were taking insulin shots for diabetes, no one would think twice about it. Nor would someone suggest that you "just go off of it for awhile."

Thanks for taking the time to write this. Hopefully someday it will be utterly unnecessary for anyone to write something like this. :\

Lucretia (aka GeekMommy) Raising a child in a digital world, still a digital girl

I just blogged about this very subject a few days ago.

It's so nice to know I'm not alone.

I've been on anti-depressants for over 10 years due to depression and anxiety.

At one point I had to change the meds I was taking, and know that it can be scary and accompanied by crazy emotional roller coasters. Know you're not alone in situations like this. Stay strong.

Book Blogger ( http://books.moonsoar.com ). Graphic Designer ( http://www.moonsoar.com ). Twitter Addict ( http://twitter.com/moonsoar ).

You're a GOOD mom for taking care of this, of yourself. When you weight "mom without" and "mom with", which is the better mom? The hardest part was going to the doctor the first time, right? That hard part is over. I have yet to hear anyone say they were sorry they decided to do something about this. I know the med game, it's a pain. But we keep at it because we love our families and we want to live a full life. What's wrong with that? :D Oops, I guess I just repeated what 'Just Margaret' said. Well, I'm in good company. :D

Just wanted to let you know you are far from alone. I've been on antidepressants since my first baby was 2 weeks old. I tried to wean off and it was ugly. But ever though I know they help me and that it's nothing I could have prevented, I'm still embarrassed about it and have told very few people. Thanks for writing such an honest post.

We could all stand to do less judging when mamas do what they need to do.

Skye Kilaen

Flooded Lizard Kingdom ( http://www.lizardkingdom.org ) | Heroine Content ( http://www.heroinecontent.net )

I struggle with depression also, it started for me after the birth of my 3rd child. He is now 6yrs old and it is still a battle. I have been off and on (mostly on) anti-depressants since that time. I don't like being on it, I don't like being off it. For me right now, I am struggling with a lot of weight gain and I think it's because of the meds, but I really can't go off them and be sane...so for now I deal with the weight gain. I am a BETTER mom when I'm on my meds. I'm also a Christian which is a double whammy because there are those that feel that depression is only a spiritual battle and that if I just trusted God more I would be fine.

As you can see, this is a topic near and dear to my heart...I've written bits and pieces of my depression struggle on my blog as well. :)

Candace

His Mercy is New ( http://www.candacemercyisnew.blogspot.com )

Thanks for sharing your experience! I just weaned off of my second antidepressant due to intolerable side effects and am working really hard to stay off meds altogether. I have the same feelings you do about my husband and often wonder why he chooses to still be with me despite my difficulties with depression.

Your honesty is so refreshing and I suspect that being honest with your kids as they grow up will be a huge advantage to them in dealing with their own difficulties, no matter what they are.

Kario

http://www.the-writing-life.blogspot.com

It is of vital importance for us to share our stories. So many people feel alone in mental illness and postpartum mood disorders and they should not because so many of us are out here. Thank you for your kind comments!

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

How wonderful that your symptoms went into remission and you're able to go through this pregnancy without meds! But you are absolutely right that if you feel your medication is necessary in your heart, supportive providers are a must. Good luck to you! You're a survivor!

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

Thank you so much!

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

Yes creative outlets can help immensely! It's why I started my little Etsy shop and why I write my blog. They also help me depression and anxiety immensely. I'm glad you've found ways to manage your too! Thank you for commenting :)

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

As a life long, chronic depressive who has bouts with severe short terms depressive nose dives, I have to commend you for sharing this story. I wasn't on meds when I had my daughter long ago, and I don't think you really need to hear my voice to know you are doing the right thing by staying on meds and by blogging about it, but I want to tell that you did the right thing by sharing it here.

You know in ways that others never will what the true risks you had to balance are, and no one else does. The discrimination we face in all aspects of life along with the daily challenges we face as a matter of fact pose additional considerations we must take into account in all we do. Saying we are just like everyone else does no one any good. The decisions we have to make are significant ones and few people talk about them. Thanks again.

Nancy

N. F. Hill ( http://www.nfhill.com )

Build Peace ( http://buildpeace.blogspot.com )

I, too, took my antidepressants while pregnant and nursing (he weaned at 16 months). I also considered stopping the meds before getting pregnant, but when the suicidal ideation returned, my husband and I determined that the medication was essential for our growing family. My son shows no ill effects. I was so lucky to have supportive providers, and I encourage anyone with doctors who only discourage your use of these meds during child-growing to do your own research and find new providers. Our son both deserves a happy mother and deserved the chance to be part of our family.

I weaned off of my antidepressants 1 year ago because my symptoms went into remission (after 5 years), but should they return, I will seek medication again in an instant (and I'm pregnant with our second now and will still nurse). I have had 4 major depressive episodes in 13 years, so the chance of having another one is very high; that's just life with this disease!

Thank you for a necessary article!

You are also a very brave mommy!
Joanne

Oh what a long struggle you've had. The stigma of mental illness still very much exists but I think more of us are finally willing to open up and have wonderful media, blogs, etc to share our stories with others openly. I'm sad you felt like a bad mom bc of your mental health. But all you can do now is be mindful of the past but move forward with your children. I hope you all are getting past the past and looking at today. Take care.

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

Helping yourself IS helping your baby. If you're truly struggling with your OCD it must be affecting her, especially if you're having such a difficult time. There must be meds or therapies your doctor could recommend that is safe or better for you and baby's health. Seriously, a treated and happy mom makes for a happy baby. You're not alone in being fearful of what the meds might do to your child. But it's the time to ask for help. You can do it, take the step and just ask. You might find a better way for your whole family. I'm sending you hugs and please ask your doctor. You deserve to be a happy mama.

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

I wish I had known you 28 years ago when I had my daughter and went through major post partum depression. I've had many bouts of clinical depression over the years and it took me 20 years to get properly treated. We need to remove the shame from treating this serious medical condition. You have to take care of you in order to properly take care of your babies. That helps make you a better mother. I was not a very good mom because I was so often severely depressed and non functional. It affected my children. HUGS to you and thanks again for putting yourself out there, you will help other moms by being open and honest and sharing.

I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and to say that I'm struggling right now would be a gross understatement. I need more treatment but I don't want to overly medicate my nursling. So I wait. I wait until she weans and I suffer. Am I making the right choice right now? I'm not so sure anymore. She's almost 1. Do I start helping myself?

Sigh... I just don't know.

So sorry to hear that. Its such a difficult decision for some to have kids and with depression issues on top of it, makes it even worse. My best to you!

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

Thanks for this post. I don't have kids, but if I do, I've always feared what I'd do about my meds. I have multiple health issues, so a pregnancy for me would be considered high-risk, and the depression just complicates things. Just thinking about it too much brings on a bout of, you guessed it, depression!

You aren't alone either. I really appreciate you reading and commenting. :)
You're right, naysayers be damned. We're doing what's best fer our families. Take care.

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

I'm so glad you have great support and I'm sorry you didn't find your help sooner but it's definitely about moving forward and being the best mom, spouse and person you can be moving forward. I applaud you for getting what you need even if you feel like it took too long. Hugs!

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

You're so right. This is a topic relevant to lots of mom taking medication for illness in general. We have to work with our doctors to decide what's right for us and best for our families too. Thank you for commenting!

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com

And thank you for commenting. You're right, this does often get swept under the rug and I'm all about sharing bc it helps me and helps others. I'd love for mental illness to no longer be taboo!

Cristi Comes, Mom of 2, My 3rd Baby: EllieAdorn http://www.EllieAdorn.com