I’m really terrified right now

You know I’m really terrified right now – I’m standing around crying praying to god to let me be okay!  I just always felt that if straightened up and went to god that he would take my life from me and look my kidneys are failing are on the brink of failing there is something going on.  Then on the other hand what if the blood in my underwear is not coming from my urethra and is actually coming from my vagina and is implantation bleeding and I’m fucking pregnant by that deadbeat because he couldn’t stop fucking me after he came inside the condom and I told him to stop. 

What the hell do I do if I’m pregnant again none of my kids were ever born to drugs and this one will have to be because It will die if I stop the methadone I think if I have a chance of coming off of it and the baby being okay I will look at me talking like I’m pregnant Jesus please don’t let me be pregnant – I’m borderline with two 2 year olds right now my oldest won’t turn 3 until the 29th.  What will I do with a newborn?

And Dex is a real deadbeat piece of shit he’ll have nothing to do with me or the baby and he won’t support it whatsoever but luckily if I am pregnant he is getting ready to get disability I will just get his disability check fuck him he will pay FOR THIS KID! He doesn’t take care of his 17 year old or his 12 year old but he would take care of this one financially I wouldn’t want him to have anything to do with me or the baby he could just pay me and that would be the end of it I hope god please don’t let me be pregnant by this fucking loser because he is a big fucking loser a whine bag fucking loser that is awesome in bed that is all he is good at complaining and fucking!! 

But seriously folks I know you don’t know me from Eve but please say a prayer for me that either my kidneys aren’t that seriously bad and that I am not pregnant – It is greatly needed and appreciated –



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