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I Allow You To Live For Free

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I’d like to know who invented the concept of allowance and why someone didn’t bother to tell my mother about it when I was growing up. I remember in History class, when I was a kid, we learned about indentured slaves, and immediately I felt as if I was one. We didn’t receive any money for doing what we were supposed to do; our parents said we were earning our ‘keep’.

We didn’t even know that kids were receiving money for doing chores until one day a kid in our neighborhood showed us the dollar bills in his wallet. We were in awe and asked him where he got the money from. When he told us his parents paid him money to do things we were doing for free, we immediately felt robbed!

Needless to say, when we told our mother about this discovery of ‘allowance’ she looked at us as if we were crazy and said, “We allow you to live here for free, that’s all the allowance you need”, end of story. After that we knew not to ask for an allowance, ever again, and we didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, our mother occasionally gave us money, but it wasn’t in regards to things we were supposed to do around the house. It was for those things that were done, above & beyond our regular ‘duties’.

Who would have thought, that years later, I would follow suit with my son. I am truly my mother’s daughter.

When my son, who is now 10, was 6 years old, he asked for an allowance. Once again, another kid mentioned that he received payment for his every day chores around the house. Before my son knew about an allowance, he freely did his chores and a thank-you was all he ever wanted to hear. After talking to his friend about the monetary rewards he received, that ‘thank-you’ wasn’t good enough. When I thought I’d never sound like my parents, I started to sound like my parents. I explained to my son that because there are certain things around the house that he’s supposed to do, that he wouldn’t receive any monetary award for it, but if I saw that he went above and beyond his normal chores, then sure, I would give him some money or some other award for doing it.

Of course, he didn’t take that well at first. He already had his mind set on getting money on a weekly basis. I even made it a point to ask him how much money he felt he deserved a week, and at 6 years old, he told me $20! He must have had a moment of insanity. I told him he’d be lucky if he got $5. Now 4 years later, my son hasn’t asked for an allowance again. Does this mean he has no money in his ‘piggy bank’? No it doesn’t, what it means is, is that he realizes that in order to receive anything from me, he has to show that he went above and beyond his normal duties around the house or at school. Sure, he’s done that on several occasions, which is why his ‘piggy bank’ is overflowing now. His next lesson will involve me teaching him how it’s ok for his mother to ask to borrow a few dollars every now and then without him charging interest.

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AmberS 5 pts

I received an allowance as a child, mostly sporadically. I think it was tied to chores in theory, but in practice I don't think that was really the case.

I have decided to give my daughter an allowance so that she can learn about budgeting and managing money. The idea is that she learns to do this with small amounts of cash when she's young and the consequences are minor. However, it's in no way tied to anything she does. She's expected to help around the house because she lives here. Just as we all are.  No one's getting paid to do housework.

So far this works for us. She generally does her chores happily with no expectation of a reward. She gets a small amount of money every Sunday morning that has nothing to do with work around the house. Everyone is happy with the arrangement.

~ Amber

www.strocel.com ( http://www.strocel.com )

MahoneyMusings 5 pts

We don't give our children allowance either.  Chores are part of being in our family.  We help each other out.

If one of our 4 children is wanting something that my husband and I are not willing to purchase for them, they have the option of doing extra chores around the house that we pay them for, and to save up their money. 

I think allowance has the potential to create a false sense of entitlement, something I see far too much in our current generation of young adults. 

Plus, our children have been motivated to find work (paper route, babysitting, McDonald's, etc) once they hit their preteen/teen years.  Working in the real world for real money is a valuable life lesson.  They appreciate the money they earn.

doingsowell 5 pts

I agree only halfway-if that is possible (lol). I did not receive an allowance either as a child and I turned out just fine. The thought of licks scared me beyond belief so I always made sure to do a good job on my chores. But today's children are growing in a different age and I use allowance with my eldest because I want him to take pride in his work and do the best job, earning a dollar for quality. It is hard to not conform a little to today's child. Back in my day, all but a few did not receive an allowance. Today, that number has grown vastly. So I added a twist: half-assed work gets no rewards. But put your foot in it and take pride in your work and I will compensate you. I think my twist encourages him to do a good job the first time around. It also gives me a stepping stone for teaching him how to save and spend wisely. he is less likely to ask me for nonsense when he has to use his money to but it.  

www.doingsowell.com

~Life is good and we are doing so well!~

strollerreviews 5 pts

 Great article! This is how my parents raised my sibblings and I....boy do I remember feeling robbed haha! But now I see the sense in it and plan to raise my children by the same principles. 

~ Sarah Henderson
Stroller Reviews Blog
A Parents One-Stop-Shop for Stroller News and Reviews
http://www.strolllerreviews.wordpress.com

fittothefinish 5 pts

It's not just economics that made us come to the same decision that you have! We too feel that having responsibilities around the house make our kids better people and more equipped to handle those times in their lives when they are asked to go above and beyond their "expected responsibilities" without compensation.

That being said, we do occasionally pay them for chores that are extraordinary, such as helping trim the tree line on our 3 acres!! 

Diane

lost 150 pounds and talks about it at:

www.fittothefinish.com/blog ( http://www.fittothefinish.com/blog )

Virginia DeBolt 7 pts

might be interesting to you. I thought it was fascinating, but many people find it a hard read:
http://www.amazon.com/Payback-Debt-Shadow-Side-Wea...

Virginia DeBolt
BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/virginia-debolt )
Web Teacher ( http://www.webteacher.ws/ )
First 50 Words ( http://first50.wordpress.com/ )

Leighbra 8 pts

My parents never gave us chores, and cleaning our room was punishment only. We complained about setting the table, and never washed a dish, or laundry, or floors, or toilets.

When I moved out on my own I didn't have a clue on how to run a house.

My kids (11 and 6) have daily chores, and some chores that are done the night before trash day (cleaning the bathroom/catbox). They know that in order to have pets and chickens, they need to partake in their care, every day.

They don't get an allowance, but they also know that when we can get them treats, we do, and enjoy doing so. Not a week goes by without my husband bringing home some yummy treat after work.

We explain that these chores are their household jobs, just like cooking dinner and washing clothes, etc for me, and going to work for my husband.

Hopefully when they move out on their own, they don't struggle as much as I did when I moved out. 

Z, that's funny how you said your relatives complained about the kids having to work when they came by. My husband's grandmother gave me a stern talking to when I told her that we make our daughter do her chores and homework immediately after getting home from school ("kids need to play after school"). But I also struggled all my life with procrastination, and this is something I hope not to pass on to my daughter. I want her to see that if you get the work out of the way, you have a worry free evening of play ahead of you!

There are just some lessons you want to pass on that aren't even worth arguing about with relatives. They are important to you, and you see the value in them, so stick to your guns!

Yesha, we all end up sounding like our mother at some point, darn it. It stings at first, but you get used to it ;)

But I digress 5 pts

I agree as well. As an only child I received an allowance. Except that I didn't. It was used as a method of punishment and I rarely ended up actually getting it. Not because I was bad but because it was a handy way to manipulate me. Which makes my parents sound terrible but they weren't. I had a wonderful childhood. They were not perfect and this was one of those stupid bits.

When my own children were old enough for allowances I did not have the money.No, not even enough for piddly little amounts. That was much harder on me then on them . They never did without, an embarrassment of toys clothing and fun provided by my generous friends and family. They asked occasionally but learned to ask if I could 'swing' an allowance and eventually they would ask for what they wanted , knowing I would buy it if I could and that I gave them money whenever I could for them to save or spend .

They always had long chore lists. Age and skill level appropriate. They varied from fun (washing the pets) to so not fun- cleaning the pets rooms. They learned how to wash dishes and linens, how to vacuum from wall to wall,and when they were teenagers how to clean things that require chemicals like toilets and tubs.

They did their own laundry-save those special care items, on their own from 9 on and they changed from school clothes into play clothes every day after school so their clothes would last longer and they would have more freedom when playing outside .

We called Saturday chore day and it was a family enterprise. when they got older and gripy I would explain that we are a family and family does for each other. When we visited older relatives we would do the things that were difficult for them to do- clean the fridge,defrost the freezer,wash the baseboards. Sometimes people would mutter about them 'always working when they come over' but I would point out that they had done so much for us, it took less effort for them and in fact they were already done gone and playing and that their little knees would not remember the activity for days after as would we older folks.

So they learned as did our pioneer ancestors that family means more then who gives you presents and shows up for school concerts. They learned that hard work reaps clean good smelling and happy rewards and that not only do others appreciate your efforts, it makes you feel good too. Chores are an awesome way to instill a good work ethic and tighten family bonds and learn how to create a happy healthy home. No pay required, tho very welcome when available!

Z

PTPInc 5 pts

I agree with you - I think those are valuable lessons that you are teaching your son.  I think a lot of our society believes that we deserve certain things without ever having worked hard for them.

-Friends From Sunshine

http://friendsfromsunshine.blogspot.com/