I am doing the Love Dare, and this will be for the past 3 attempts and 2 days completed.
By victoriaspadea on August 17, 2013
Not sure if I need an introduction to this, since this is really for my own reflection. But HELLO! My name is Victoria Spadea, as the name reads. I am only 19 years old, about to be 20 in December. Me and my boyfriend have been together just over a year and 2 months. It has been one hell of a ride, a lot of mess-ups, a lot of distrust (from my end) and ultimately resulting in a HUGE falling out between me and him just over a week ago. I decided to get the love dare after remembering he was the one who showed me the movie during another hard time in our relationship, and it honestly made me decide on that day that I was going to work on anything in our relationship. Unfortunately I only decided that in my head and not in my actions, and ever since it was an arguing battle EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. There was never any peace. Some of it is his fault, but the main reason is that I didn't trust him, so we couldn't move on from what has happened in the past.
(Side note!: We are in a weird position so early in our lives, he is out of work because of back surgery, and we have no idea when he can go back to work. I am the only one working, but we also live with his parents and siser. Which you can assume is actually really hard on us.. Neither of his parents really work either. So it is just me. Also just another little fact, we moved in together after being together/ knowing each other for just about 2 months. So yeah, we went a little fast.)
4 months ago, right before his surgery I had pushed him too far with my arguing and he just snapped, he said he didn't want to be together, he couldn't take it anymore, even after all the promises that we were fine. Anyway, 3 days later he decided he wanted to work it out. BUT now instead of fighting every day, he got a bucket of the same questions every day. "Are we okay? Are you sure? You promise? We're going to get married right? You won't cheat on me right? You are really commited to this relationship right?" Really, the list could just go on. SO. 3 months later here we are. We argued, he did something to make me mistrust him, he told me as soon as it happened and fixed it right away. But he didn't know if he wanted to work it out. So about another couple days later he says he wants to work it out. But of course all weekend was filled with tears and questions like there was no tomorrow. Finally he just had a heart to heart with me, telling me he wants this to work. I am the woman he wants to marry, but we both need to change to salvage what we still have.
Mainly I'm the person who needs work, and I know that. So I have been doing the love dare alone, he knows I'm doing it, but he doesn't know what the dare of the day is. All he can see is that there is a change in me.
SO DAY 1: LOVE IS PATIENT
The first part of the dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our hearts. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the tempatation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.
--- This day was so hard I had to re-do it four times. I would come home Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and just feel so negative. Just full of worry. But finally Thursday came, and I just told myself to stay positive, no matter what reaction I did or didn't get from him. Of course it wasn't like something just happned and we were fine, but by the end of the night he went out of his way to hug and kiss me, which he hasn't done in a long time. So day 1 was a success!
DAY 2: LOVE IS KIND
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
-- Considering I do alot of the chores already, and he never leaves the house, I just went out and bought him, and his family coffee and donuts. Which was probably the most right thing to do. He is so close with his family, and they loves the treats, and he was just so happy. No negative things came out of my mouth. Although we did have a little moment where he asked what I was still fearing if I had any. I was honest with him, but it didn't result in an argument. So that was great! We kissed so much yesterday, hugged, smiled and laughed. It was fantastic :) At the end of the day, he told me that he was very happy with us, and the way things were going. But he wasn't going to make the ultimate desicion to stay "forever" just yet, he wants to do on his own time. Which I wasn't pressuring him at all. So yay for that :)
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