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Here in Bloggyland, I feel like I need to somehow explain myself for my childless state.
Over New Years, we were invited to a party out in Cottage Grove, OR where we inevitably had to talk about the Who, What, When, Where and Why's of our nomadic life.
When someone asks us, "Where are you from?", we go into our story of chosen homelessness and 9 times out of 10, they will end the conversation with "Well, you MUST not have children, or you couldn't live like that."
And I concur, usually, that "No, we most likely would not have this lifestyle if we had children," then the conversation turns to the "Well, it's not too late to have children, my mother, sister, (insert any late-to-the Mommy world female you want here) had her last child when she was 43."
43 seems to be the magic number in the "having a child when you are old" conversation.
For some reason, it often never occurs to people that I chose not to belong to the Mommy Club. Or that my husband chose not to be somebody's "Old Man".
Shayne and I talked long and hard about having kids when we dated. We took long, long walks before we married talking about what we really, truly wanted to do with our lives, and we came to the conclusion that children were not in our future.
Quite simply, we are enough for each other.
For the record- I love children. I love my nieces and nephews and I spend as much time with them as I can. I find children fascinating and I always want to see pictures of kids and grandkids. Children are a gift...I understand. And having a dog is not a replacement either...we don't go around treating out pet like a child (at least we don't think we do!)
There were times in my life when even though I took precautions a trip to the drugstore in the middle of the night occurred. I didn't shrink away or freak out about the possibility of being pregnant. If it would have happened, I would have done my best. I would have embraced motherhood since I just can't bear the thought of the alternative.
However, having children should be a choice. A huge choice and one that should be contemplated. It is not a financial decision for us ( we get that reason a lot when people wonder out loud about our decision), but one that we soberly and carefully considered.
I don't remember ever wanting to be a mother. I never played with baby dolls as a girl, never fantasized about being a stay-at-home mother or felt compelled to "do it all". I wasn't particularly interested in having a super successful, 70 hour a week career either. I didn't put off having kids for the job, lack of husband ( I married at 30) or to make any sort of statement. I like having time to myself, with time to create and time to travel. I wanted to find an extremely interesting man to live my life with, and spend the rest of my days getting to know him like as much as I know myself. I feel complete. At 42, I still have no regrets about our decision. No ticking clock issues, no desire to have adoring children around me in my old age.
I think that there are many women out there like me. Maybe we need a blogging group too. If there is one out there, please let me know.
I realize that our chosen lifestyle takes people by surprise. We are completely bucking the prescribed American way of life. We don't have a home, we don' t have children, we don't commute to work, we don't take 2 week vacations, we don't have a lot of toys...the list goes on. But when they find out that we live our life on purpose...in all things, the conversation usually stops with a look of complete incomprehension.
I wonder why?
