I Am Not Ready For Endless Love

I was at my desk the other day, listening to my 80′s playlist on iTunes and grinding through my to-do list. Suddenly, the song Endless Love came on and I was whisked away to my teen days. teens and sexRemembering how all of us girls would sing the bejeesus out of that song – just waiting for the day that we would find OUR endless love and he, of course would sing with us in perfect harmony just like Lionel and Diana did.

Once the mist had cleared from my eyes, I tried to remember exactly what year the song came out.. I had to be 16 or 17, I thought.

Nope. It was 1981 and I was 13.

It was then that I threw up in my mouth a little bit and got a huge knot in my stomach as that thought settled in.

Not so much that *I* was 13 but the thought that my oldest is 14. Older than I was when I fell in love with the song and tried to figure out how I could see the movie that went with said song.

Do you remember the movie Endless Love? Sexy, sweet, alleged-eternal-virgin Brooke Shields starred in it. Just in case you don’t, let me refresh your memory:

15 year old girl and 17 year old boy fall in love. Girl and boy have insane amounts of sex. Mom gets her jolly’s by watching boy and girl have sex (Ewww!!) and vicariously lives their life with renewed passion for dad. Girl ends up not being able to keep up with her schoolwork (too much sex = not enough sleep) so girl takes mom’s sleeping pills. Girl’s dad isn’t happy with this so tells boy to lay off at least until the school break. Boy isn’t happy with this so he conjures up a plan and sets the house on fire with the hopes that he’ll rescue everyone and be a hero. Boy’s plan fails and is sent to a mental ward. Boy gets out 2 years later and of course, finds girl (who’s moved by now and parent’s are divorced) and tries to renew their endless love. Boy can’t find girl, mom tries to seduce boy, boy says he can only have sex with girl. Across town, dad sees boy, boy runs, dad gets hit by a car and dad dies. Blah, blah, blah.. cut to the chase, boy gets thrown in prison for being responsible for killing dad, claims his ENDLESS LOVE for girl and closing scene is girl visiting the prison.

Boy was crazy and girl was weak and got sucked into his crazy world of supposed love and romance.

And we girls of the 80′s LOVED this story. We sang the song, we dreamed the dream.

In our own words, gag me with a spoon.

When I read this today, it wasn’t the house burning, prison, dad killing, clueless girl thing that made me stop. It was the fact that the girl was 15 and having sex. A lot of sex.

I am so not ready for this. I am not ready for my daughter(s) to have sex. 15 is way too young. Even though I knew plenty of girls in my class having sex at 15, it’s just not right. My best friend in the 7th grade (let that sink in) was the first person that I knew who had sex and even now I remember being uncomfortable with the concept. Almost overnight we went from being BFFs to me literally being the 3rd wheel. We went from being together 24/7 to being together when THEY weren’t together. Even at 13 I knew it wasn’t right.

But I remember those breathless moments, waiting for someone to “love” me so much that we would have endless love (not crazy love like the movie), when nothing else would matter but the time together, the laughter, kisses and special moments.

I’m not naive. I know it’s coming.. I’m sure there are friends of hers who’ve already done it. I ask, I prod, I probe. I make sure she knows that I’m here for her and I remind her that I would REALLY prefer she get her information from me as opposed to her friends. “You may think I’m clueless, but trust me on this – I have much better information than your friends”.

How did we get here? No joke, it was just 5 years ago when our most serious issues were who was her BFF of the week, some mean girl issues and what clothes were acceptable and which ones were not. And now we’re staring down the barrel of the sawed off shotgun of sex.

Sometimes I hate being the one of my friends with the oldest kid because this is uncharted territory for me. And I’m just not ready for it. But I guess that I’d better get there.

Kristen Daukas
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