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I apologize to myself:
for the opportunities I’ve squandered along the way,
for challenges I avoided,
for not doggedly pursuing my biggest dream,
for not being a better steward of my money,
for thinking small,
for being mean when it was unnecessary,
for not asking for help which meant that I felt alone when I did not have to,
for not seeking advice which meant I struggled far longer than I had to with problems,
for sharing the special Vee with people who were unworthy,
for believing I was not worthy.
for wasting my talents,
for telling off people who didn’t deserve it and being mealy-mouthed with people who should have been told off,
for wasting time because I thought I had forever,
for giving into my fears too often and therefore missing once-in-a-lifetime (as it turns out) adventures,
for not traveling when it was easier to do so,
for believing the hype,
for not becoming the librarian or scholar I was meant to be,
for disappointing my Mom,
for not being a better mother (I think I was pretty good but I could have been better),
for saying yes when I wanted to say no,
for sitting in sorrow longer than necessary,
for not dancing more,
for not realizing the power I had when I was young and beautiful,
for being ashamed of what little I felt I had to offer and not offering it to two of my beautiful, now deceased friends,
for hiding out and shirking,
for still trying to impress people who are not (and will never be) impressed by me,
for avoiding the word “no” and avoiding failing (it meant I missed some yeses and some successes)
for not demanding more out of life and for not achieving more.
I’m trying to be better these days. I’m aiming to be my best self because I was given all the tools I needed to be better, to be more – I just didn’t know that I was the magic in my life…that my desires and my efforts were what would make the difference in things achieved versus those unattained.
Apology accepted.
