My father-in-law is now my Facebook friend.  He invited me yesterday, and while I never really considered ignoring his invitation, I accepted him with warning bells sounding loudly in my head.

See, I write a personal blog, Broken Corset, that entails my views on being a woman today.  I write about political and social issues from a relatively liberal/female point of view.  I put out there exactly what I think... and I love to have discussion.  The trouble with my father-in-law is, in addition to existing on the complete opposite end of the political spectrum from me, the last time we had an intense political discussion (during the Bush / Kerry campaign) - he stopped speaking to me for a week, and there was "talk" of a brewing family feud.

For me, the entire concept of a feud is stomach churning and unfamiliar.  I come from a family where feuding is not allowed.  You might disagree vehemently with your mother, brother, sister, aunt or uncle, but you are not allowed to stop talking.  There is no walking away, no shutting down.  If you have to agree never to discuss the troubling subject again, so be it... but you still show up for family functions and you still honor the familial relationship with the respect of your presence.

In my spouse's family, this is not the case.  There have been factions within the family who have not spoken for 10 years at a time...  Grandparents that didn't see grandchildren, or great-grandchildren, cousins who never played together despite growing up only 30 miles apart. 

Because this is an unacceptable consequence for me, I have stopped discussing politics with my father-in-law.  I will not be the cause of distance between my husband and his family.  I do not want to end a relationship between my children and their grandparents.  And despite our differences, I do love my father-in-law.

And so I blog.  I write what I think, and I make it available to the world... though it is mostly read by my facebook friends who get a newsfeed updating them when I have a new post.  In this way, I feel like I am still engaging my family and friends in the discussion, but I can keep my mouth shut at family dinners. 

During this presidental campaign, I have found this solution to work out exceptionally well.  Of course, part of why it has been working out, is that my father-in-law has not been my Facebook friend...  so truthfully, it's a somewhat delusional tactic on my part.... because the most volatile opponent to my viewpoint has generally been exempted from my discussion.

Even I have to admit that in this way, blogging has been as much a convenient avoidance of the problem as it has been a solution.  But no longer.  My father-in-law, the last person I expected to ever become computer saavy enough to use Facebook, is my friend.

Still, I plan on adhering to what I was taught growing up.  No matter the disagreement, I will not disengage in the relationship.   I plan to continue my general tactic of being who I am, and saying what I think online....  and remaining a congenial dinner companion.  I believe, as I tread forward down this path with great trepidation, that the acceptance of my father-in-law as my Facebook friend actually honors our relationship.  That is why there was no other choice, despite the warning bells.  He is part of my family, and I will honor that relationship with my presence... even on Facebook, there can be no "ignore the invitation".  Hopefully, he will respect my attempt to put some distance between our disagreement and our familial relationship.

The warning bells are sounding....  but I go forward with hope.  Wish me well.