I came out to my roommate...
By RadicalRantings on March 17, 2010
I live in a university owned townhouse (there's two bedrooms, basically like an apartment) and recently had a female roommate move in. All of my friends' immediate reaction was "You HAVE to tell her your a lesbian!" I was against this at first because I believe that I shouldn't have to explicitly come out to her and make a big deal out of it. I am comfortable with who I am and figured that if it ever came up I'd just be honest. Seemed like a good plan...
But no, my friends wouldn't leave it alone. They used the rationale that "You avoid things, you need to get it over with so that she's not surprised or uncomfortable." Now, this girl never gave me any reason to think that she was homophobic, she never even uses the phrase 'that's so gay' as an insult. But I waited about 2 weeks, so that she could get to know me- we went and got groceries together, watched tv, drank wine, roommate bonding stuff, and we got along fine.
I was semi-seeing a girl at the time and I invited her over to pre-drink before going to a club one night. This really set my friends off on a rant about how my roommate could pick up on something between me and the girl and it would be an even bigger issue if she actually turned out to be uncomfortable with it. So, me and my roomie were in the kitchen making dinner and I just told her "You know how I mentioned I was having a friend over tomorrow night, well her and I are sort of dating, and I'm just telling you so you're not surprised or anything." And she was very ok with it. I explained that I didn't think it was necessary to make a big deal about it, but my friends convinced me to tell you upfront. And she agreed with me that it wasn't a big deal! And our relationship has remained very friendly since and I get no awkward vibes from her.
In all seriousness, her reaction would not have changed anything for me. I'm past the point where a negative reaction would hurt me or be detremental to my development. But, I did have a good outcome for the situation. She has her friends and boyfriends over and I have my friends over and we still get along and don't get in each others way. I am still very conflicted though about whether it is necessary to tell her in the first place. Like I said before, I didn't feel it was necessary, but many people I know who are not homophobic said I should tell her regardless. I have lived with girls before, but they were friends who knew I was a lesbian before moving in with me so it was a non-issue basically. But if I don't know this girl and she's moving in with me, am I obligated to come out to her?!?!?!?!?!
I know where I stand on the issue, but I'd like to hear what other people think! :)