I can't keep up!
I can’t keep up with my own life!! I am so tired; I work full time, I am a mother to a two year old daughter, and I go to school full time. I am just so sick and tired of always needing to do something or falling behind on something that I don’t know what to do. Many of my co-workers go out every weekend, together. They go to eat, drink, and hang out with each other. They have families and children but they have their own lives to live. I don’t understand why I can’t be the same way…..I feel so guilty if I even entertain the idea of leaving my daughter to go out on my own. I feel like that every spare minute of any extra time should be given to her. Is this unhealthy? Is something wrong with me? I feel guilty because I have to leave her to work. She cries every morning that I leave and it breaks my heart.
Why can’t I take the time to have my hair done or hang out with the girls without feeling like the world’s worst mother??? Clearly I need therapy! I do not begrudge my daughter but I feel like I fail her or am failing her as a mother. I should be there to meet her every need but I can’t be there all the time. I have to work. I know this isn’t going to sound very modern or feminist but there are days that I would like nothing better than to be barefoot and pregnant in my kitchen with my baby hanging on to my apron strings!! How is that for taking feminism back a hundred years???? Of course, the barefoot and pregnant would be of my own accord and I would still be the director of my world/life. If only it worked that way!!!! Until then I guess I will admire the women who can make time for a little me time and feel guilt over leaving my daughter. It has to get better…..right?