I Fall Un Love

I fall for the wrong guy for the wrong reasons. I am like a moth who gets its wings burned because it can't figure out that the lightbulb it wants so badly is causing the burns.

I get burned for falling in love with men not for their looks or personality or the fact that we would be perfect together. Nope, I fall for the guy who has the most money. My most recent mistake lasted only two months and I knew from the very beginning he was not going to be able to put up with me. The guy was older by 20 years and takes zanax. He was a very serious man, who viewed everything with deep thought and conjecture, and he had nose hair coming out of one of his nostrils.  I became obsessed with my ability to overcome that particular flaw of his. 

If only I could put the same obsession into overcoming my character flaw of falling for wealthy, older men that I have to convince myself I am in love with, knowing in the end its the lifestyle they afford me that I am truly in love with. These men are not fools; they realize why they are holding the arm candy, a couple decades younger, and they are all too willing to show me what I can have if I decide to be with them. And the fact that they want to give me the world makes it seem like a really great deal, that is until you find yourself feeling lonely even when sitting next to them.

I know why I do it. I have this sick need to correct my childhood; the need to know that I am just as worthy, to be treated like Daddy's little girl, as my friends were.

I have had wonderful men in my life and I dismissed them purely based on their finances. I would be a much wealthier person on the inside if I can figure out how to overcome this foolish behavior. Going after the love of money and not the love of my life has left a huge karmic debt which I have paid for many times over and will continue to pay off  if I do not correct my faulty behavior patterns. 

 

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