Making a profile of yourself or how to present yourself to the outside world is just as hard as answering the question when you are young ; 'What do you want to be when you grow up?"

You are so right, I can choose to be who I am at any time of any day AND I had lost that freedom to be who I am, whenever and whatever.

Who decides what pretty is?
How can you capture pretty on a photo or in a decsription or with a fleeting look?

As a child how I saw myself and how others saw me didn't compute.
I danced and sang my little heart out, felt pretty only to hear from 'brothers' of course that I was clumsy and terrible and looked no good.

So then I got from a pretty dancer to a less favorable description.
So in the end what the world and I thought no longer fitted and I choose the world's one. 

Sad, but now I am crawling back to geeky, dancer and whatever I feel like and pretty too. I choose *my* pretty and blow the world's description of pretty. 

And guess what, when I am alive and expressed I get lovely compliments about my looks too.
Ironic as I don't even try to be pretty *that* way any more, however I still do care about achieving compliments *this* way.

And I think you are prety :) 

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com

Great post, Wilma.  Maybe our grandmothers really DID know best when they told us "pretty is as pretty does".  Women are most beautiful when they're free to do what makes them happy.  Happy women are pretty women.  Unhappy women are not pretty, even if they fit the Hollywood standard of what pretty is. 

Backlinks

Isn't that what we all want?  To be truly 'seen' as who we are, not through the label somebody else believes we fit?

I choose me.  Not daughter, sister, wife, colleague, not geek, greenie, hippy, climber, dancer, writer.  But all of these things.

It's like writing a good article or blog post--the title is that clue to urge people to keep reading, to find the real essence of the story.  And a reader wants that title to represent what's actually in the story, otherwise we feel that we've been deceived.

Let your profile photos be your title--one that says confident, professional, geeky AND pretty.  The right partner will be so pleased with the rest of the story.

Amanda
Mrs.W's Kitchen

That's an interesting line... looking for a "feminine woman".  As opposed to what?  A "masculine woman"?

Ultimately, whether a guy thinks you're pretty (or, more important, sexy) or not is going to be determined when he meets you, IRL, face-to-face.  The picture phase is only to determine that one is willing to take a chance on meeting someone and SEE if they're physically compatible.

I agree that your choice of pictures will get you different people who are willing to go out with you one time, but the lasting impression you make with him really comes down to how you feel about yourself and present yourself in person.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

Well, I haven't been to my day job in a week, so I'm looking shiny today. The clothes help, of course. ;)

Wilma - So wise, thank you! An excellent point that when you feel good and happy you come across as attractive to others. Sometimes it's so difficult to feel like way; other days you're just feeling good.

Angie - Ideally that's true, but in this crazy town I live in, sometimes even happiness can't eclipse a perfect size 2. Sigh.

Kazari - Yeah, this post was really about bucking labels and wanting to be seen as a whole person, wasn't it? It's funny how sometimes I think I'm writing about one thing, but another things comes with. I choose me, too!

MsWsKitchen - SO TRUE! I did leave the "pretty" pics; I just added more pics that represent all the parts of me.

Bill - Yeah, the way he came at it really didn't work for me regardless. It kinda felt like, will I pass the "feminine" test? Still, it was good to get that insight into my pictures, so I'm glad to have "met" him just that little bit. Now I have a diversity of pics up, and I think it's better. I was maybe not getting hits because I seemed too girly and like I wouldn't want to camp or something! LOL

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

Well said.  I hope the next generation grows up thinking this way too-- that you can be pretty AND smart and have it all.

Actually, my blog is kind of a tongue-in-cheek reference to the "trophy wife" designation.  Just because you look great doesn't mean you're incompetent...  and I love the look on people's faces (generally older men) when 30 min after my BF introduces me, they realize I have an MD, work in finance, and probably have better earning power than they did in their mid-20s.  Oh yeah-- and show me a man who can drive a stick shift in Christian Louboutins. ;-)

Confidence is pretty.  The men who want only "feminine" women may not be confident enough to be with a woman who is at least his equal, and prettier to boot.  Luckily, there are also progressive guys out there who were raised by strong women-- good luck with your search!

RTW

renaissancetrophywife.wordpress.com

I was the one who made the post from your last link.  Hopefully, you don't honestly think I was trying to say that pretty girls should not become doctors.  The subject of the post was meant to be facetious and also an attention-grabber (which I guess worked).  My commentary was on the field of medicine itself and that anybody who applies to med school ought to be certain of their decision, male or female, hot or not.  I have had that same conversation with ugly male pre-meds.  The background I gave about her pageant history was just an interesting factoid to give the story some character, which some people unfortunately misread as the point of the story.  Oops.

RenaissanceTrophyWife - Hooray for strong, confident women! I'm trying to be...

fizzzy - Hi, and thanks for commenting. I don't know, honestly. I mean, you went there in your headline and your text, and honestly, I don't think that someone turning away from medicine after daily discouragement says anything about how they would have done in med school or as a doctor. There's making sure someone understands the realities and then there's massive discouragement. I work in entertainment, and I find that most successful people here are the result of being encouraged and supported. Those who push against the grain of discouragement are the exception, and that's not the ideal situation in my book.

I think you totally told her where her place was and eventually she just gave in to "reality" as presented by you. Most people do. That doesn't mean what you think it means. It just sucks.

JMHO

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

When I was a kid I hope to look mature. But now I hope to reverse the biology clock. What makes us look young? Wrinkle free skin, slim and energetic.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Fact is that looks do fade.  Taking care of yourself is a good thing but you don't have to be platnum or a "bomb shell"  Truth is guys don't want girls that are near perfect and for the ones who do look at what kind of person they are.  Usually really conceited and have so much time and money absorbed into their look that they forgot how to enjoy the fun in life not to mention what that kind of thought pattern does to your children.  This is how we get bullies.  Fighting over who looks better and who holds more standing all do to money. Look in yourself and love what you see cause if you don't then how do you expect others to? 

-*soldier85*-

Yesterday I was thinking about how beautiful I find women as they age. We so often say, "Beauty fades," but actually, I don't think it does. I think that's a lie based on one assumption about what is beautiful. Surely youth *is* beautiful, but so are laugh wrinkles, and wise eyes, and strong, weathered hands, for example.

So I thought that actually perhaps it should be: Youth fades, Beauty stays

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.