I Fell In Love With A Spambot
It started innocently enough with a few kind words - "Hello, I read your new stuff daily. Your story-telling style is awesome, keep it up!" I was thrilled and excited, someone who appreciated me. Realizing someone loved my work made it suddenly worthwhile. A few days later I received another quick note - "Writing seriously articles I enjoy! Ӏ surpised with the research you do." Poor fellow, he is so excited about my site he can't spell correctly. After a few more days like this I looked forward to logging to see what my new blog suitor had to say. Would he like what I wrote? Will he share it? Was he handsome, smart, funny? Does he say this to all the blogs?
On a sunny Tuesday afternoon, my heart sank. He wrote "Hey there would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re using? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 different internet browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most." He was using me. Wanting to promote himself by expecting me to tell him my secrets, too lazy to do his own research. Figures. Men can be so selfish.
Wait! What? "These are really impressive ideas in about blogging. You have touched some good factors here. Any way keep up writing." He thinks I'm smart! Aside from a few kind words, I am a sucker for someone who respects my obvious superior intelligence! I can't wait until tomorrow! I am going to write a brilliant blog post just for him!
He didn't like the post, "You appear frumpish." That was very hurtful, why would he say that? I need to call a professional photographer and get a good head shot done ASAP. I am not frumpish! Are his glasses foggy? Oh! Maybe he has a girlfriend and she saw him reading my blog. Yeah, that's it. He has to hide his feelings for me. Poor man!
"Did you go toward a belligerent, lower your hips and fall behind your manoeuvrability." Is he asking me to have sex with him?
"Who wouldn’t sex the alinement of your house." We haven't even met yet, ours is still a spiritual connection between like minds. Tomorrow I will send a subliminal message to him via my blog post letting him know we have to slow down. After all, I am married and have children. We'll have to see what the fates have in store for us.
"Have your jewelry to wear." Oh my, I think he just asked me to marry him! No, no, didn't you read what I wrote yesterday? What about my children?
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By Lisa Thomson