I FOUND MY ALZHEIMER'S VOICE
Rena McDaniel-The Diary of an Alzheimer's Caregiver
Part 9 Caregiver Series How We Got Here
Once we started making changes to our daily lives things became less stressful. I wasn't on her like I had been, watching her every little move. Instead of moaning and groaning about all the things she could no longer do, I began clapping and cheering at all the things that she could STILL do.
Mom didn't change, that would be impossible. I changed and that made everything else possible. I wrote a story about my mother that Mr. DeMarco published on his website. MEMORIES-HER MOTHER REMEMBERED 1957, BUT NOT RIGHT NOW. I remember getting the email on a Saturday afternoon in the middle of Lowe's Hardware store. I just started bawling! You would have thought I had won a Pulitzer prize, and to me, maybe I had. I showed my husband and texted my Sister-in-law, my Best Friend, my daughter...hell maybe even my plummer!
I have always loved to write, it is something I have done all of my life. It was something that I didn't share because it was only for me. I have always kept journals everywhere, just not organized dated ones. I would write on one page one day and sometimes entirely different books another. I am organized in my mind, but nowhere else. Who am I kidding, not there either. I am constantly losing things, much to the frustration of my OCD husband. I would be a mess without his constant need for near perfection. We balance each other out I think. We make each other crazy and we love it...sorry that's a whole other post!
Things were starting to go so much better. I still wasn't able to talk yet. When I think about it, I think that is how the whole thing got started. When I couldn't talk, I would write and write and write. I was looking at this first story to get the link right, and while looking back last week made me cry, this one made me laugh. People wanted to read what I wrote. Me!? I couldn't believe it! I had somehow found my way to Blogger and started writing there, only because I don't have a program on my computer for writing. I hadn't had a clue what I was doing, you can tell if you read these comments on his site. I didn't even know what a URL was! He had to get it for me and post it. I looked and felt like such an idiot. I also changed one word in my closing statement. I decided to go with "rest" instead of "ugly", I just felt better about it. I've come along way in these 7 months and made alot of changes that I am very proud of.
This is off topic but while going back over those comments other than Mr. DeMarco the first comment I ever had about my writing was from my now friend, Carol Noren Johnson. I knew we met through Mr. DeMarco's site, but I never realized she was my first comment EVER. She is a fellow blogger at http:plantcityladyandfriends.blogspot.com and Alzheimer's Caregiver to her husband. He passed away on June 23, 2014. We still check on each other, back and forth usually by email. I want to say thank you Carol! You have always been one of my biggest cheerleaders, I just didn't realize you were also the first! I'll never forget that and you are still in my prayers!
I didn't need that therapist after all (some may find this debatable) because I found what I really needed... MY VOICE! Maybe not the real one but the one I needed at the time.
Remember to Appreciate the good, laugh at the crazy and deal with the rest. I love you momma!