I gave myself permission to feel pretty (and it worked!)
I had another 'me' day this past Saturday. It seems like I have been doing that a bit lately.
As a mom, I walk the very fine line between what I need/deserve and feeling guilty about spending time away from my family. Mom guilt is a son of a.... I may need to dedicate a whole post to this at some point.
Anyways, this past Saturday I had an amazing day. Mr. B took mini-me to my dad and stepmom's house (2 hours away) and one of my besties and I embarked on a fun adventure. We entered a contest. I hesitated telling people about it because I was embarrassed. The contest is a 'beauty' contest. Not the "what you look like" kind of beauty, but it's about embodying beauty. So you get your hair and makeup done, a mini-photoshoot, a digital image of the pic of your choice, and entered into the contest (more info about the contest here). Winners are chosen not by what they look like, but who they are, and how they represent beauty and the empowerment of women.
So I'm trying to process why I didn't want to tell anyone. I'm going to be blunt (shocking, I know) but the main reason I didn't tell people because I was worried that people's initial reaction would be "oh, you think you're a model?" And now that I think about it, my fear about what people would think makes me kind of sad. Now I am embarrassed that I wasn't brave enough or confident enough to just say 'I'm entering this contest, check me out'.
I'm putting this out there because it forces me to be honest with myself. If I can fully acknowledge my worries about judgement, maybe one day I'll worry a little less. And I guess, by putting it on the internet, I'm opening myself up to all kinds of judgement and that's okay. I am forcing myself out of my comfort zone (regularly it would seem) because that's how we grow.
It may be apparent at this point in time that I have (and still do at times) struggle with my self-confidence. It's been an ongoing thing and I'm at a pretty good place right now but not where I'd want my daughter to be. I'm a work in progress, we all are. My confidence is no exception but I'm working on it. I truly believe that if mini-me sees me taking (and making) time to feel beautiful, she will do the same and know it's okay (and encouraged).
Regardless of the judgement I was worried about, I had an amazing time. I hung out with some awesome ladies who made me feel like a star. What woman doesn't need AND deserve that? Hair, makeup, a photoshoot. Honestly, I felt like a million bucks. THAT is what it was about for me. It's too seldom we take the time to really focus on ourselves, on fostering our self-confidence and self-love. This served as a great reminder and re-focus for me. I am worth it.
I am not going to lie, there were uncomfortable moments. Like when they told me I was going to wear a pair of pants as a dress (WTF?!) and then there's the fact it was short. BUT it all worked out.
What's the takeaway for me this time? Stop giving a sh!t about what people think and do what makes me happy. I had fun and felt more confident so already it was worth it. I would have done it even if there was no contest (and would do it again). ALLOW yourself the time and space to practice taking care of yourself and loving yourself. Yeah, it's cheesy, but essential to your well-being.
I need to worry so much less about how other people see me and the things I do and focus on making me happy and being a good mom, wife and person. ALSO, a happy, well-rested, fun-filled, mom and wife is a better mom and wife. That's a fact!
Do I think I'm a model? No.
Do I think I deserve to feel beautiful? YES, EVERY freaking day! And so do you!
Does being a mom mean I lose sight of me as a person? heck no! And luckily I have an awesome hubby who will take mini-me so I can have these experiences that remind me of that.
This is more about me and less about worrying about everyone else. Anyone who chooses to judge, that's more about them than me anyways.
Most importantly, I felt pretty!