I guess I am a bit angry. Another "sinkhole" in my family. And it's always 'our fault'. ? Happy Holidays.
We've just been sitting at home watching the paint peel. :)
This has been a busier autumn than we've had in a quite awhile...and for that I am EXTREMELY grateful. It means Momma feels like doing stuff!!
Whip out those pumpkins and costumes!
Go get some hay! ;)
It's been fantastic to get a bit more of 'life' restored as we continue to fight my PTSD.
The acupuncture seems to really be helping..along with yet another new therapy God led us to called "Cranio-Sacral". It is really weird but really useful. It helps your "muscle memory" (brain, or where you were injured) release the tension and energy from what your mind has been replaying and replaying since the traumatic event(s).
I am convinced the secret to solving my PTSD does not lie in pharmceuticals (though I am on them and need them, etc) but in techniques that help my own body find the solutions and make "me" work better.
(and then I wouldn't have to swallow nasty pills at night...I hate swallowing pills. But I am thankful for them for now..)
There has been a large pot of "blah" since I last blogged though. I 'think' that's why I just haven't written my thoughts out here lately...
Yep. A lot of blah...
We've had a great, huge "sinkhole" of sorts happen in a part of our lives (relational) and MAN it zaps you and disappoints you in ways that are almost undefinable.
We have been in a sinkhole before. In fact, cheerio!, this not our first sinkhole actually! (eyeroll)
Once one "sinkhole" occurs...it seems the surrounding ground (people) are susceptible to falling in or creating one of their own for you! Yay! Another one!
[sarcasm helps me sometimes. sorry]
And, BTW, a "sinkhole" is, essentially, my allegorical way of saying that we have had another (2nd ever) parting of ways with relations that ... um ... well... dang...I dunno but to say it is because of not fitting into pre-fabricated grooves that they seem to think we need to be in or to act within is the best I can come up with at this point.
It hurts. It's surprising. It's a struggle.
Sure...people a part of family have tiffs.
But when a tiff turns into a tornado and you are stuck in the eye of it....it makes the recovery efforts long-lasting I'm afraid.
I think this "sinkhole", this "tornado", is one reason I haven't been writing. I have always tried to keep my dang fingers shut about specific, relational 'yuk' factors that we deal with. I "generalize" as best as I can. Seems to be the best way to be.
However, I did not trust my fingers to stay "shut" these last few weeks...and I was hurt.
I am not ashamed or even confused to say that...
- though removing something from our lives that results in a healthier nuclear family...
- and even though Jim and I are on exactly the same page...
- and even though I just want "out of the tornado"....
Once I am "out" there is still a pain, a sting, a pretty big feeling of loss even if it IS the correct thing to do at the time.
I know most of you reading this have experienced major tiffs with your family (extended). I do not know if they became "tornadoes" or if you had to remove you and yours from the "tornado" because there is NOTHING HEALTHY in that drama pot no matter how often it's stirred...
But if you have...maybe you can see why I haven't written for a bit.
My fingers hurt. Sigh.
HOWEVER, even with the "sinkholes" and "tornadoes" (one and the same btw...wow I write weird) we've pulled off a fun "Fall". And for that...I am patting myself and my husband on the backs :)
Have the kids been affected by all of this "stuff"...sadly very much so.
But, we've simply kept our "open and honest" approach and, so far, they seem okay.
There are random questions about why isn't XYZ here or will XYZ be there....but we always answer back with honesty and, for the older ones, tell them they are allowed to make their own conclusions or ask any questions.
I guess I just really needed to get all out about sinkholes and tornadoes off of my chest!
Now that we are taking shelter from yet another sinkhole/tornado (last one happened 4 yrs ago...yes...when there's a sinkhole in my life...it's major unfortunately. Jim and I don't take things to 'sinkhole' status unless pushed too...)
Wow. I sound so mad.
Maybe I really truly am this mad? I sorta thought I'd rolled my eyes and walked forward by now....but...things always come out when I blog.
Looks like I need to deal with a bit more of the hurt that I was shoving away.
Growl. It's SO much easier just to ignore and roll with life versus getting your "hurt in order".
I think I should do my precious Chase's birthday letter next...It deserves it's own post, it's own spotlight, it's own unique time...just like Chase :)
Well...off to adjust my hurt.
Words of advice welcomed....