I Guess I Wanted a Girl, Too

Ha, good point. Of course, my imaginary daughter wears everything I choose, wants to do everything with me, and never, ever is moody :-)

Whenever you feel like this, just remember how you treated your own mother when you were, say, 11-19 or so.

Feel better about boys now?

Seriously, I have one of each, both good kids, but there have been times in my daughter's adolescence. . . .

I'm honestly glad that I only had a son, as dreadful as that sounds. Raising boys in this society is less complicated. I am a feminist and I stand up for women's and girls rights, but having grown up in a society where women are second class citizens, I wouldn't have wanted to have to explain that to a girl. Also there's the possibility of getting pregnant, and while if my son had gotten someone pregnant I would have insisted that he take responsibility, it is still a whole different thing.

I loathe the word "tomboy," which I'm not picking on you for because it's so ingrained into our culture. I prefer to think that I was simply an active girl. I've always struggled with not "being feminine" because I preferred wearing trousers and athletic shoes so I could run and climb trees. I preferred blue to pink. In high school, I was branded a "lesbian" because I was so not-girly.

But at least back in my day, or at least in the area where I lived, girls weren't expected to dress like prostitutes, the way they are now. That part of our current culture is something that I really despise. We really have not come a long way, Baby.

I love my son. As a breast cancer survivor who had two aunts with breast cancer and a Mom and three sisters who were all biopsied, having a daughter would be fraught with fear.

I met women with breast and ovarian cancers whose mom's and daughters had the same cancer's. I know this can be true for cancer and men and their relatives,

Still, my love of dolls and sewing and cooking and braids..my son may enjoy all of these things at some time regardless of his gender...but..still...

I just cannot believe how much you've described my fears from when I first got married. And I prayed for boys so I would not screw them up. So of course I got 2 girls ( and the 3rd was a boy at last). It is a daily prayer to not have them be as miserable as I was!

You're second paragraph describe my feelings as well. I had such a horrible experience in school with other girls that I would never want my own daughter to go through that. I'm not the praying type but I actually PRAYED for a son. Not sure what I would have done if I had a girl. Don't have to worry about it though since we are done with one. :)

Thank you for sharing.

My two best friends and I all had boys, all only children. Then along came Miss Lucy two years ago (not mine) and we're all in love at her gorgeous verve and all-around awesomeness. I love watching her bat her eyelashes and pick up the screwdriver to fix her toy cell phone all in the same moment. Not sure what this says about Could Have's... but it's delightful to have the first closeness to a girl in my immediate circle of sister friends.

It's funny...when I had this post up on the family PC, and one of the boys wandered in, I clicked to hide it. I didn't want any of them to see my photo next to the headline "I Guess I Wanted a Girl" :-)

I would hate for any of them to think I would trade one second of their lives with me for a daughter. But as most of the commentators seem to understand, I'm very aware that there is a skill set I have not had an opportunity to develop.

Someone in this thread mentioned that being surrounded by males in her family has driven her to cleave more tightly to her women friends, and I relate strongly to this. One of the many blessings of living with boys is that I crave female intimacy, and it has forced me to cultivate that in an intentional way.

I think I could have written every word of that. It hit really close to home. Thank you. You said what I have been trying to figure out for years.

I can totally relate to this post. I never had sisters, I have 3 brothers. I never had daughters, I have 3 sons. I don't have granddaughters....yet, I have 1 grandson. I have always wondered what it would be like to have a close relationship with another female besides my mom. I miss moments I never had the opportunity to have. But I wouldn't trade "my boys" for all the tea in China. I have really close girlfriends...but I get the feeling its nothing like having a sister or a daughter.

This is almost EXACTLY how I feel. I've always been a little wary of talking about it because I'm scared someone might take it the wrong way and assume I don't love my boys as much as I should or that I am not grateful enough. That's not the case, I just quietly mourn that totally different experience of having a daughter.

I adore you for sharing this.

Very truthful, very real. Thanks for sharing.

My first child was a boy, and my second child was a girl - exactly the order I wanted, in the sex I wanted. For that I am SO grateful. I have to say, though, that raising my son was WAY easier than raising my daughter. WAY. ALL CAPITALS. LOL :)

Be that as it may, there were some fun things with raising a girl that I couldn't experience with a son - and visa versa. And if someone hasn't gotten what they want, there is always a long list of babies - female and male - just waiting for a wonderful Mommy.

This issue is far more complex for me -- having relinquished my only daughter for adoption and then going on to eventually parent two boys. I can't walk past the girls' section. I just can't.

As the happy and proud mom of boys, I can relate. I, too, sometimes miss "the daughter I'll never have." (Ok, I admit - I grieved for my 'daughter' for at least a day after the ultrasound told me my last child was a boy ;))