Would It Bother You to See Dead Baby Pictures on My Wall?

I say yes -- hang pictures of sweet Nolan on your wall for as long as you want to.  My first child, Eve, was stillborn in November (no cause for her death could be determined), and if anyone tells me to stop putting her photos up before I'm ready, I might punch them.  They have no idea.

Hi I just lost my son on July 24, 11 and it was the hardest thing a first mom can go through...he was a preemie born at 24 weeks and past away on the 25th..I cant get over the fact he's gone. And I have pictures of him up and there is no problem with that cause that helps us grow more mature and help us grieve. My heart goes out to everyone.

Zayleen

If it helps you then it shouldn't matter what other people think. Everyone grieves in their own way and time. I lost my daughter Piper almost 5 years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think about her. While we don't celebrate her birthday as a family, we do say a special prayer for her that day and I have a shadowbox for her in my hallway. It's not right out there for people to see, but I see it when I walk into my other daughter's room. It's my way of letting my 3 year old know about her big sister.

You do what you need to do.

No, absolutely nothing wrong with posting photos of your precious baby. Do I find it upsetting? Yes and no. Yes in that I'm looking at pictures of a baby that is no longer alive; and no in that I'm happy that those photos give the family comfort.
Those photos are about you and your family, not anyone else. Besides, what insensitive fool would be silly enough to judge or even criticize someone for dealing with their grief in a way that is comforting to them. Shame on those people.

Lisa

It makes me incredibly sad to hear that someone thinks you should take your photo down. Just because a baby is no longer with you does not mean they are not a part of your family. They will always be with you. Don't let someone else make you second-guess your decision on this one. I would do the same.

When I took a birthing class, a couple shared a story about how their friends celebrated their daughter's birthday every year with their remaining children. She was stillborn, they had never met her. She was still family to them.

Thank you Blogher for highlighting this piece!!! A sister organization of ours Babies With Wings works in this exact field of providing support to women who have lost their babies. Many many people complain, pull sponsorship's/friendships because they are "offended"... But after working with many women who have gone through the process that my dear friend CEO of BWW offers, its amazing to see that many need to acknowledge the baby instead of stuffing it or having no place for it. I applaud moms and orgs that provide such a needed outreach to women who have lost their Angels....

Liana Preble CEO/Founder

Victorious Moms

www.victoriousmoms.org ( http://www.victoriousmoms.org )

We lost our baby early on in our pregnancy, so we have no photos of the baby we lost. BUT -- and this is not the same and I acknowledge that -- we have photos of the daughter I relinquished for adoption hanging on the wall with our parented sons. It makes people uncomfortable. Those people? Can leave my house.

I commend you for doing what is right for you and your family in your space. I know it's easier said than done to just ignore them, but please know that there are those of us who support your thoughts and heart. Do what you need to do with regard to your Nolan.

Sending love.

Family Section Editor Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )) blogs at Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ). She is a freelance writer and photographer.

No one wants to see what makes them uncomfortable or they fear. That is there issue not yours, I think it is healthy to have pictures of him up.

My stillborn son's picture hangs on the wall. If anyone doesn't want to look, or feels like saying something derogatory well they can just leave.

This is your home and your business and none of theirs and I know it may feel hard to stand up for yourself, but don't back down. Make up a line, a standard automatic line that will shut them up and rehearse it over and over until you can say it without thinking.

Then if anyone objects? Say it. And remember that all of Blogher is standing behind you.

There is nothing wrong with keeping those pictures up. It is hard for a lot of people to see pictures of babies in a NICU setting. Most people never see children that are that small or that sick or worse. It's hard to see the pictures. As the mom of a preemie, I hang my son's NICU pictures on the fridge. I need to remember where we started and how hard it was. For you, I'm sure you need to acknowledge that Nolan is your son too. The picture is not there for your guests. It's there for you because he is and will always be a member of your family.