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I am a Mother, Sister, Wife, Survivor, Friend, Victim Advocate, Blogger, Mormon, woman who has chosen laughter over tears, Healing through telli...
 
 
 
 

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I Hated to Pray

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The first thing you need to know is that for the first few years of marriage, I hated saying prayers.  Let me clarify that... I didn't hate praying in general, I had no problem saying my own personal prayers, I just didn't like to pray in front of others. I hated how it made me feel, because I would compare prayers.


Pray

 

I had been taught to speak to my Heavenly Father with respect but also like I would talk to my own father and that's exactly what I had always done.  That is until I married my sweet husband.

His voice is deep and commanding even when he whispers.  You can't help but listen when he speaks because he is somehow able to convey the sincerity, conviction and strength of the good man he is from the very first word.  I still remember the first time we knelt as a couple by the side of the bed.  He took the first turn and I was blown away.  It was a beautiful, perfectly worded and heart filled prayer that sounded more like the prayers I had heard over the pulpit.  I even asked him one day, if he had taken a class on praying when he was at BYU.  I was totally serious and NO, he did not. For example...

Brian would say something like: "Father, we ask that Thou will bless us through this trial.  Bless us with patience, that we may learn from our experiences.  We know Thou doest hear and answer our prayers."

On the other hand, I would say something like this: "Seriously, I'm trying to have faith but I can't take much more.  Please help me not to have a complete melt down before this trial is over.  I've learned enough.  I've heard people say having lots of money can be a trial of sorts.  Can I please trade for that one? Sorry, I was kidding. Uh, sort of..."

I would remember a talk I once heard where the woman speaking said if a prayer wasn't sincere enough, the person praying would have a "stupor of thought" after he said Amen. I can't count the number of times I ended my prayer saying "Amen" followed by a voice in my head saying, 'Don't think anything stupid. Dont think anything stupid..' leading in to, 'Oh my gosh, I just said that in my head...and it was stupid! Agh!!!!!'

Next to my dear husband, my prayers sounded ridiculous.  Or so I thought.  It took a while but eventually I grew to understand a few important things about praying.  Once my children were old enough to learn about prayer, it sunk in even more. 

I realized the words I use are not nearly as important as the spirit in which those words are spoken.  It doesn't matter if your voice is loud and strong or soft and shaking, as long as it speaks the truth.  It doesn't matter who's turn it is as long as you pray with your family and teach your children to do the same.

At the end of the day, whether it is personal prayer, a prayer in front of others, family prayer, or the prayer of a child, the important thing is that we PRAY.  Period. 

~June

www.simplyjunehaskell@blogspot.com

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Isabel_Anders 1149 pts

Someone has said that "prayer requires more of the heart than of the tongue."  I certainly agree.  And tears are also "heard."  Thanks so much for sharing this.

gab15th 164 pts

Haha, I always pray in what feels like such a childish way to me. There's the inital prayer, apologizing for the prayer, then the whole "dang it you know what I'm trying to say part" and then a quick and suden ending before I say anything more stupid. I can't for the life of me pray outloud with people, especially my husband, even though time after time he reminds me that the words don't matter as much as the thoughts behind them. Great post!

LRaine 9 pts

Glad to know I'm not the only one who prays like this. Sincerity over form is what I always say...

the.me.i.be 134 pts

I think praying out loud is one of those things that I'll get better at the more I practice... but you could try using homemade flash cards. 'ats what I do. I keep 'em on my nightstand

HomeRearedChef 4661 pts

How funny! I think my hubby prays more like your husband, June, and I have always prayed like you do. And come to think of it, often during the day I will just talk to Him, and other times, when my heart is heavy, I will lift a prayer to Him, even if only "Dear God, I don't know what to say, but You know what is in my heart." I fumble too much on my words, but when I don't know what to say, I just call out His name and cry. :)

What a lovely, lovely post. It was a pleasure reading. Thank you!

Hugs and blessing to you,

~Virginia

simplyjune 40 pts

HomeRearedChef

I love that you said sometimes you just call out his name and cry. A few years ago, I was so overwhelmed with my trials that when I knelt down to pray I just sobbed. After a good five minutes of crying but no words, I just said Amen. He knows what I meant. Thanks for your comment. :)

Patton 19 pts

Like this June. I think I pray like you.

mosey along 7 pts

I've always loved Anne Lamott's description of the two prayers she uses most: "Help me, help me" and "Thank you, thank you". If they are heartfelt, they will be heard.

simplyjune 40 pts

It's nice to know it's not just me! Thanks for letting me know I am not alone :)

Szescula 14 pts

June, I had to laugh when I read your comparison between your husband's and your prayer. Once I finally went back to praying I would listen to my friends spout prayers like your husband's and I would think "Oh my, I'm much worse off than I thought!" (And I was just so happy to be praying again!)

I'm still learning that as long as I pray/talk to God and be honest, seeking wisdom and guidance I'm better than I was a few moments before. I still have difficulty praying out loud but I know that my prayers are unique and that's what God loves about them (and my family too during graces that get a little interesting.) Thank you for your honesty about this.