I Have a Brother, Really!

I am having a hard time with this. It seems like love and hope don't always work out the way we want. Your brother may be glad for your effort, but doesn't know how to give back in the best way. My brother is dead and I wish I could have done things differently in our relationship. I didn't get the chance. However, it seems like you are reaching out and doing the best possible thing to connect. NO DOUBT, you will never be sorry.

Hey there, KarenLynn! Really interesting getting to know you and yours better. I enjoyed that photo of you and your mother the other day. It was fun seeing you in another position, from a different angle, other than your avatar, as I have that burned into my brain. And this post provides yet another view and dimension. Keep 'em comin.' Thanks for sharing.

As for the relationship? You can't fix what somebody else doesn't want to fix. Like Virginia said, it takes two. Be happy with whatever he is able to provide and hope things get better with the years. But, relatives can be "just not into us" like boyfriends. I have some relatives I would never try to meet were we at a cocktail party together. I wouldn't spend five minutes with them if we weren't connected by blood. It's nothing malicious and I'm happy to see them when our paths cross, but with all of life's priorities, I don't tend to make time to seek them out...and I don't take it personally when the lack of interest is returned by others in the mix. Everybody do what they feel like...is what I say. So, be welcoming when he comes around, but otherwise...no sweat. I am hereby issuing a Brother Get Out of Jail Free Card for you. Ta-DA! Problem solved.....Much Love, Fondly, Robin

Let's see if I can manage not to confuse anyone. There are 4 of us, all girls. I'm 2nd from the oldest and, from me, the age spans are 11 years apart, 2 years apart and 6 years apart. The 11 year span between my oldest sister and I has resulted in my not having any childhood memories of her. Sometimes, I feel like she and I 'arrived' in the family when I was around 7 years old and I only remember that because of my memory of her going away to the Army. There's a 6 year span between my baby sister and I but I can't say we're much closer than my oldest sister and I. I probably feel closest to my sister that's 2 years younger than me.

My oldest sister and my baby sister are like oil and water. They don't get along at all. With our parents being deceased, our inability to be closer really bothers my oldest sister but like you I'm not sure what to do. To add to it, there's no distance between us. I can get to every one of my sisters in less than 30 minutes.

I believe age with a splash of personality/lifestyle differences has a lot to with our closeness. I'd like to point my finger and say THEY have some growing up to do. But I'm growing as well. While there are several life lessons, there are many variations. I learned to stop trying to force feed everything I learn down the throats of those I love. While I don't want people to learn things the hard way, sometimes it sticks best that way. So, maybe like my oldest sister you've arrived at 'siblings should be close' a little sooner than your brother has. I say continue to reach out because that's just who you are and, as he grows through life, he'll get there. Today, he just might be at 'my family is all I have' and for some men that can be pretty consuming. Wishing you the best.

Sometimes there is just nothing you can do, Karen. It takes two to make anything work. Your desire to be close to your brother is in your heart. Don't let go of that, and don't regret it either. But don't blame yourself if HE chooses not to be close to you. It is his loss.

And that is a very nice picture, by the way. :)

Big hugs, Amiga!

It is sad when we aren't as close to our siblings as we would like. For me it has been a matter of maturing and getting over the hurts of the past so that now I can listen to my sister and see who she really is. I don't know what has caused you to grow apart but I suppose you could always invite him for another visit. Also, try to remember that it takes two. For whatever reason, your brother may be choosing to hold you at arms length and that isn't something you can control. Good luck. I feel for you.

My brother is a lot younger than me also. I remember when he was playing with action figures all day as a little boy. Can you get together more often? Communicate online more?

Oh, Karen. With four siblings, I find that I have all but lost contact with two of them. If you had told me that would happen when I was a girl growing up with them, I would never have believed it. As the middle child of 5, I was the only one who was of an age to know both the older siblings and the younger ones. So I feel the loss of closeness more keenly than the others, perhaps, if that makes sense.

I don't know what to do either, and because of some hurts in the past, and the lifestyles of the siblings, I don't expect we'll ever reconcile.