I Have To Repeat-Say What? I Have To Repeat

I am a writer.  I write so I can get things out of my head because sometimes it just gets crowded in there.  I write so my heart doesn't feel so full of everything.  A lot of the things I am doing right now to turn my negative thoughts around are from techniques I have been taught over the years.  They help, but I never stick with them.  So I am going to give it the good ol' college try for the next year. 

it is six days into the New Year and it feels like I have been trying for weeks to keep positive.  I heard something on K-Love the other day.  They issued a 30 day challenge to listen to nothing but Christian music see how it makes you feel promising a positive change.  I thought to myself, okay.  It can't do anything to hurt the situation on becoming more positive.  I don't like listening to K-Love because they play the same thing over and over again. 

So while I flew to Seattle today, I was armed with no amazing technology except my ipod and a book.  I put my earbuds in and listened to my Christian Music Playlist.  I go to church every Sunday.  I listen to the kids practice during Praise and Worship every Tuesday.  I am surrounded by Christian music and so I listen to other things throughout the week.  I am big on NPR right now and classical music.  But when I was a captive audience of one for an hour and a half on the plane, my mind wandered as I listened to the music.

I thought about how sad I was that I text the guy two days ago whom I thought loved me two days ago and there was nothing.  So I had to turn this trainwreck around and fast.  I focused on the music.  Then I took my phone and started the writing the introduction to a sermon that I have been thinking about for two weeks now.  My mind wandered again to the negative and I forced myself back to my sermon again.  I only wrote maybe two paragraphs; that was how hard it was my mind ping-ponging back and forth to negative/positive.

I switched tactics and wrote down my positive affirmations I needed to transfer to index cards so I can carry around with me in my pocket.  Sounds weird I know, but for me it works.  I have these sentences which only have one sentence per card that is a positive thought that combats a frequent negative thought I have.  Example:  Negative thought-I am completely and utterly alone in this world.  Positve thought-You are not alone.  God is always with you.  Negative thought-No one wants me.  Positive thought-You deserve only the best that God has for you in a person.

Just writing these down right now is hard for me because I sometimes don't believe them.  But I write them down nonetheless and I have to pull them out every single time a negative thought comes my way.  I have to read each and every card right at the moment I have a negative thought.  They aren't many because I try to keep them to about 10 cards at a time.  Let me tell you it was hard to come up with some of these affirmations on the plane.  I plugged away though and came up with about 10. 

Do you know it took me the whole time I was on the plane?  Then I started really focussing on the words of the songs I was listening to.  I was moved.  I wrote down the lyrics that spoke to me the most.  But do you see what I am saying?  It took me an hour and a half to come up with 10 positive thoughts, positive lyrics, etc. because right now my mind is at war with itself. 

It is so hard, but in the end I had a good day overall.  One day the back and forth will stop in my head-I hope.  Through prayer, positive affirmations, Christian music, devotions, etc. I will get this positive thing.  If I have to I will continuously repeat myself over and over again until I believe them.  My best positive thought for today:  I was able to fit in my white pants!  Woo hoo!

More Like This

Comments

In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.