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In the imaginary world where I am Queen, I just declared tomorrow a global holiday. It is named “The Hello How Are You Really? Day”.
At an unannounced time, a bell will ring. At that moment, all residents of the world must find one person and take a full ten minutes to listen to him or her answer the question, "Hello, how are you really?"
Everything will stop for that ten minutes. No cell phones. No interruptions. For a dedicated ten minutes we will all sit quietly and really listen to another person without blame or judgment, without offers to fix things, without anything but compassion and silence. Then, for ten minutes, we will tell that person how we are.
Imagine if everyone in the world sincerely listened to for ten minutes. What might change in the world? Even human acts that start small can take on huge power in the world.
Maybe Marx was right that all revolution is economic. But I’d add that all worldly strife stems at least in part from someone not feeling authentically heard.
What gives rise to the evil of terrorism except the background phrase that almost drowns out the horrible act of terror – the phrase is “Hear Me!” What is graffiti but urban kids saying “Notice me, listen to me!” Why depose a leader of a country except that the citizens do not feel heard? Many violent acts can also be seen this way – and taking it up a big notch, when a nation does not feel heard, listened to, valued by another nation, then real human disaster can strike.
To listen to someone with our hearts is to take on the change that that hearing engenders. I had a friend who used to say “Once you hear someone’s real pain, you cannot help but feel love for them.” Listening wouldn’t mean squat unless we let it inside us, let it change us. So this has to be real listening.
To listen to the reality of someone’s life is a sacred moment. It can be a deep seeing, whether that person’s life is full of joy or pain. It says that we are all connected. It says that what happens to him or her interests and has impact on someone else.
Think back. When was the last time that you felt truly heard, honestly noticed? (Think back perhaps to your favorite teacher, a group that can really strike home runs in this department.) How did that feel?
Then remember what it felt like to feel un-noticed, not heard.
Ready to sign up for our new holiday?
Perhaps you could tell us here about a time when you felt really heard, and what that meant to you.
HappyHello How Are You Really? Day!
::: Related blogs :::
In Her Able hands Kelley ponders the difficulties of really losytening when she has much to offer in a conversation.
ZackZara in Malaysia talks in her blog about the characteristics of a good listener.
Moonspun Spins talks openly about her issues around not being heard:
We’ve all got our own buttons, the kind that get pushed that usually orginate from some kind of trauma. Big or small traumas.
I am no different. One of my big insecurities/buttons/fears is not being heard. I don’t know exactly where it comes from. Maybe my mother. Maybe just the fact that I am shy by nature and it is hard for me to speak up and be heard. Maybe I am surpressing some big trauma.
In any case, my biggest struggle and my biggest moments of irrational behavior stem from this. I don’t always recognize it, but I know it is the root.
