I Just Want to Go on a Walk

Most men are quite oblivious to the disparity in physical power between men and women, and the effect is has on male and female culture.

I was a boy raised by in a quiet suburban neighborhood. Conflict between race and gender was something I heard about, but didn't think about, and never experienced.

In my early twenties, a simple event woke me up. I was walking home from the movie theater with another male friend my age. We were chatting and not paying much attention. It was dark, but that never bothered us. As we walked through a local college campus, a college age woman saw us, and hurriedly crossed the street. It dawned on me that she was afraid of us.

I was completely dumfounded. At first it was a tiny bit funny, but the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. We were just a couple slightly nerdy guys, and yet we were physically imposing enough to scare someone enough to practically run away. I thought about what it must be like to live in fear, and I started to understand, and with that understanding I was sickened.

Imagine standing in front of an audience and asking them a simple question... "When was the last time you were afraid for your life?". The men answer with things like car accidents, trips to the hospital, robbery at gunpoint. Major events in their lives. Memorable, and they can probably count them on one hand. The women answer with *walking to my car from work last night*!

Men need to imagine what it must be like to live in fear every day. If you don't think this is really happening, or is unreasonable, imagine what it would be like if half the population outweighed you by fifty percent, and had a blood chemistry that made them naturally more aggressive than you.

It is this difference in power that in my opinion makes chivalry still necessary in modern society. Obviously raising your hand in anger to a woman simply should never happen, but even raising your voice can be menacing, even your posture, or as is written in this blog, how you approach someone. Be aware of yourself, and how others are likely to perceive you.

Guys, don't take your ability to walk in the dark without fear for granted.

I hope all the commenters who think AV needs to get over herself will go read Alice Bradley's view from the other side of twentysomething: http://www.finslippy.com/blog/on-being-an-object-a...

I think the author really needs to get over herself. Her statements are offensive and untruthful. Miss Flox, no offense but you aren't exactly a beauty queen; I think you're overdoing your importance, an the "mindless" lust men have for you, a bit; no, actually, a lot. It is very unfortunate that there are those with such a large audience while broadcasting such negative, damaging, exaggerations.

In summary. Get over yourself. and, be more honest.

PART ONE: After reading this article, I am feeling a little concerned about the author's state of mind and her seeming inability to properly relate to at least half of the worlds population. To say that compliments can't be given with no strings attached is a false generalisation. Of course they can, and they are. Thinking that every compliment has strings attached is indeed quite self centred. And not being able to accept them graciously is indicative of something more going on, expressed by the author's adrenaline jolt at the approach of a person of the opposite sex. Having worked in the hospitality industry for at more than 10 years now, I have been constantly hit on by men, and some women and I've received hundreds of compliments in that time and been propositioned more times than I can count. If I were to take every one of these as a perceived threat, causing an adrenaline jolt, I'd probably never venture out again...and what a miserable existence that would be. I'm sure that men would have a list of do's and dont's for we women as well and to expect them to follow the ones listed above is unrealistic and quite frankly reducing spontaneous interaction to nothing more than a boring, scripted and ultimately unsatisfactory time for all concerned...if men were game enough to approach in the first place.

PART TWO: I'm not denying that there are situations, and men, where women need to be cautious, but to feel as anxious as this article's author when in the company of men is unfortunate. After all, your reality is your perception. This article is going to be read by many women and young girls all over the world, and I sincerely hope that they won't be left with the same attitude towards men that A V Flox has, after reading her article.And I do have to wonder, if A V Flox is having the same unpleasant experiences on a regular basis as her article seems to suggest, maybe she should look at what she is contributing to these situations.

Personally I find it amazing that society still tolerates discriminatory writing against males. The undertones of this passage just scream "Men are stupid uncivilized brutes who think with their genitalia"

What a terrible article. You say a man will never know what its like to be a woman but you seem to ignore that a woman will never know what its like to be a man. Its not a "Walk in His Shoes" but rather berating men, some of whom have anti-social behaviors.

Page 1: Al right, so she's mentally fragile and fearful- those people are out there, can't help everyone.

Page 2: Hit the red button!

"I don't even break my pace. I keep walking... I suppose if he reaches out, I can take hold of his arm, turn and disable his knee-cap."

Okay- so here we have a girl that would cause long-term if not permanent injury to a man who just wants to talk to her? Imagine if I was approached by a girl who lays her hand on my shoulder, and I then proceed to break said girl's arm for doing so- 2 words: Fucking Psycho! I'll try to keep an open mind and keep reading.

"Yes, we hear about assault. But these incidents that don't result in some violence or intrusion are rarely acknowledged."

Well gorgeous, maybe if there weren't certain women who'd call assault when a man walking in her general direction is perceived to walk in a certain way, we'd be able to take these a bit more seriously-

"A man will never really understand what it is like to be a woman"

Ah, one of the famous one-way lines.

Page 3: Chick proceeds to talk about how she demands absolute control over her actions and time spend in public situations- then mentions the feeling of discomfort which is followed up with saying this can basically in any scenario equal harassment and therefore making our beautiful little goddess feel uncomfortable is illegal.

"These days, I don't go out much if I'm alone. Even during the day, when there are people around, the very possibility of discomfort and the memory of the crippling after-effects of the adrenaline surges that tend to accompany it keep me indoors. It doesn't matter how nice a day it is: it never feels worth it."

If we'd adapt our society's workings to fit or be more in line with the behaviour and actions of its weakest members we'd be a long way from home- in fact we exist in our current state by doing the complete opposite. Should we all (a) live underground because a select number of people can't stand sunlight, or (b) should these people find a way to live with the state of society? If you answered b, in case of an actual physical affliction- I'd like to hear you reason a in case of a mental one grown by a misplaced feeling of paranoia.

Our blogger then proceeds to list what men shouldn't do- problem: most women completely disagree. Almost every single rule about how to treat women goes against what tons of other women think or want. Reading these lines shows how fundamentally weak this girl is- I apologise in advance but I will completely disregard this entire post.

For those of you commenting that you can't even look at a woman after reading this article, that's a cop out. This is what she asked for: Don't follow someone in a car, don't yell at them, don't whistle snap clap at them, don't corner or approach a woman in an isolated place she can't easily leave, compliment a person's actions or talents not their looks, give a person a choice, accept no gracefully, DON'T TOUCH, don't be overly familiar, don't ask for information that women have been cautioned for their own safety not to give out, and once someone has not encouraged your advances, drop it. This all seems incredibly reasonable. Every teenager should learn all of these guidelines for all genders as a matter of basic manners and respect. If you are a reasonably intelligent person, you should be doing this anyway. If you are offended at being lumped in with people who aren't doing this, the point is, when you approach me, I don't know if you are in that lump or not. You may know that you aren't, but I don't.

Thank you for putting your experiences out there and writing such a strong article. We have had a very long back and forth on Facebook, and regardless of where people left the conversation, I think everyone thought deeply about it.I applaud you for sharing your experiences. For men, if you aren't following the basic etiquette here, now you know why it would be really helpful and kind if you did. If your friends aren't following the etiquette, you now have clear language to help you explain why their behavior is offensive. For women, you get a clear sense of how what it looks like to be treated respectfully.For those of you who can't understand why the author has such an extreme reaction to people approaching her or want to pathologize her, that tells me that you haven't suffered from chronic harassment. That's good! I am glad you haven't! Please be compassionate about the fact that some of us have.

This was a fascinating article, and I'm shocked at the conflicting emotions I felt reading it. I am naturally outgoing, but I'm extremely shy when it comes to cold-introductions (I generally don't approach anyone unless there's pretext), so I don't relate with people who just approach people they don't know.

I am also married to an attractive young woman who has been on the receiving end of a lot of very serious harassment. I am constantly encouraging her to behave as if all men are a threat when she's out alone.

However, at the same time, being a social person, I kind of felt like this was such a slap in the face to everyone who's not a giant douche. At the end of the day, though, you're right--personal safety is FAR more important than any stranger. And I want to see my wife come home safe and sound every day.

Okay, I'll probably sound as a troll, but I really felt like it was worth registering to share my impresion. Heck, I probably am a troll for saying this. But the only thing missing on this list is "Stare at the walls, she may feel uncomfortable if you so much as even glance her way" (yes, the walls, because if you look to the ground, I guess the girl in front of you will feel uncomfortable thinking you're looking at her back).

I mean, I read the article, and honestly, this sounds to me as a list of stalkers, assaulters and other defective behaviors, that you're just simply putting up as what a normal guy, like me (or a few other thousand millions, for that matter) behave when a woman is near us.

It's true that there's some really good advice in there for guys that are unsure on how to approach a girl.

But honestly, some parts are borderline offensive, if you ask me. I'm not insane, so I might look at a woman and think for myself "God is she pretty", and keep going, minding my own business. Because the fact is that, no, I don't have any interest speaking to you in the street, or anywhere else. For all I know, you might be a desperate woman looking for attention and seeing if you can catch a guy that will make your life easier (don't pretend that kind of girls don't exist, it just isn't true).

I don't know, I just feel the article would be much, much better, if it didn't pretend to intend that every single guy on this planet is some kiind of pervert, stalker or assaulter.

Because it just isn't the case. By this standard, I could assume that all americans are murderers. Does it make sense to you? Probably no. Generalizations don't work this way.

I found the answer to ending all that disrespect, threat, imposition, and otherwise creepy, predatory behavior from men - I switched gender! Believe you me, was it an eye opener. Now I am treated with respect and deference, even sincere friendliness, by men of all stripes. Wow, does that feel different than before, during the first 50 years of my life when I endured all the fear and ickiness of living as an attractive women in this world. There is absolutely nothing pathological about having street smarts and accurately discerning the threat from men acting as predators. Dudes, lay off, already. You know as well as I do when a lady is not open to your advances. Scram, you ain't gettin' any. She is not your property, and you are not entitled to take up her time or attention. You don't have that right. She is a sovereign being who is in full charge of her body and space. If she were a 200 plus pound guy you wouldn't be imposing yourself on her, because she would punch your face in. I now know how viscerally different it feels to be treated with respect by men, and if women understood how offensively you were treating them with those "I want to get in your pants" pseudo compliments you would be lucky not to get maced for your creepy con man routine. I see how threatened many men feel because she is calling you on your stuff. Good for her. If every woman had a chance to live s a man for a week, there would be a bloody revolution.

I find I like men a great deal more now that they are being real and genuine with me. I'm never afraid walking down the street, even alone at night. I'm happy to help them if I can, and they often help me, just out of the goodness of their hearts. They aren't monsters, after all. They were just acting like them when they thought I was small prey.

I want to greatly thank you for writing this article. This has been a scar my whole (yes, whole) life. It doesn't stop and doesn't seem to ever be stopping anytime soon. I bow to you Avflox for putting it down so eloquently.

Put on some clothes.

Perhaps we shouldn't try to talk to people until we've known them a while.

I agree that a great deal of ways that men approach woman are wrong and clearly someone is in need of a sexual harassment lawsuit, or at the very least, a restraining order. I however, after years of failed relationships where I put my faith in a woman long enough to be seriously crushed by her, have developed quite a serious defensive armor. If I pass a thousand woman that I find to greatly attract me, I may actually talk to one, but only if I'm in a critically brave state-of-mind. I'm not unattractive, I know, just jaded and cynical about the romantic ideals that I secretly yearn for. I know that I can let the other 999 opportunities go by, because trying to stop that one and pass a few moments trying to interact with a human being in the real world whom I am attracted on the off chance that there may an opportunity for something between us after all is enough to destroy my hopes and dreams for the next 999 woman after her when she purposefully ignores the potential 'threat' I represent.

Perhaps we should all be like this. Perhaps it's better that none of us ever talk to or get to know any of us.

I'm a big guy, but in many circumstances I am as wary as the author is because I've been beaten up on the street for being a gay man, I've been followed by slow-moving vehicles along a street at night. I know the flight or fight impulse. I read a comment on the "Elevatorgate" issue where a woman silently thanks a man for crossing the street and not walking behind her at night. I already knew to do that, because I've been there.

One suggestion when out walking: have a dog. Not a guard dog, but a nice friendly dog. People who are out for mischief generally won't approach, and friendly people have a genuine reason to interact with you that doesn't confront you directly.

Thank you. Case closed. Point taken. No argument, no pathologizing. I have had the impulse to compliment stranger-women, because the compliment was true, not expecting anything back but a smile. I see that not acting on these impulses was the right thing to do.

This article has made me think for most of the afternoon, and I feel like there are so many things I could say. First I want to say that I find it heart breaking that someone could feel so much anxiety about simply going outside. Also I feel that I should comment about my concern for the author; it honestly sounds like she is describing depression and anxiety disorders. I am not a qualified medical professional in any way, but the language is similar to that which my family uses when dealing with such issues. (My older sister has anxiety and depression issues related to transgender issues, my Dad has the same related with recovering from cancer {He beat a terminal diagnosis BTW}) If the author is where it sounds like they are, please find help. You don't need to deal with these things by yourself there are people and medications that can help. Please do not suffer when there are things that can be done about it. Life should be a grand adventure, not a daily fight.

Transitioning to the article proper, I'd like to first say what my background is so perhaps you can know where I come from and understand my strengths and weaknesses. I'm a young, white, Christian, male engineer. My friends describe as having "a heart of gold" and a "cross between a superhero and a knight in shining armor."

I find articles like this beyond words flabbergasting. I am socially awkward, terribly and hopelessly socially awkward. Even though I am beyond words awkward, I mean well. I find it disconcerting that there are so many rules to follow and subtexts to worry about when I just want to say "Hi."

In all truth psycho is a trait that is not limited to men. When I go to say "Hi" to some one I have no idea who they are; they could be an ax murderer for all I know. That being said I like to assume that people are good, they aren't going to try and kill me, or assault me, or stalk me. Heck I've talked through the streets of Atlanta at midnight and trusted strangers. (Let me tell you, growing up in yuppy ville that was a different experience)

I guess what my point is, article like this make me sad. I wish we were in a world where two strangers could say "hi" and exchange pleasantries with out fear of the other being an ass, or that a passing compliment won't be taken as harassing, or that some one saying "hi" wouldn't be taken as an inconvenience.

I guess those are my two cents.

Sincerely,

A disheartened nice guy

Another consequence of this behavior is one I hear so often from overweight women - they gain weight to avoid male attention. I have heard women say "I lost a bunch of weight, but the unwanted attention from men was too much, so I gained it back. My weight protects me." It's extra flesh as a kind of security blanket by women who, for some reason, don't want to deal with this every day.

While the article was very good, and I understand how this woman feels (because I can often feel it myself), I can't help but wonder if she has an anxiety disorder. Hardly every going out in public cause an uncomfortable situation where you'd have to interact with a man may arise? It seems to me like that might be part of the issue. Mind you I'm not saying "oh its all in your head, go get drugs!" but there's options if you're THAT scared to be in public.

I grew up in felony flats, being stalked, offered sex, offered drugs, given attention I didn't want, being touched inappropriately, but I'm far from a recluse; Despite my own fight/flight moments (especially downtown) I can't say I've felt these moments of terror with strangers (people I know personally get those moments of terror more often). Perhaps the worst part of my own town is considered "safe" by where the author lives, or maybe I'm just not that hot, I wouldn't know.

Also, as a server, I would like to say the author's advice of using employees as "barriers" is rude and completely uncalled for. Imagine, author, that you're a woman working in a restaurant (with no escape exits, because you're on the clock) and some man wants you to play matchmaker with him and some woman sitting across the way. Now you face not only the wrath of the man (should you refuse his request), but of the woman (if she decides to take her disgust out on you) AND your boss (if it is deemed you didn't give "good customer service"). You can't say "Then ask a male server to do it" because that would be sexist, you can't assume that a male server would want to deal with the same possible set of scenarios. NO person should be made the "barrier" just because you're terrified of a man approaching you.

This also, to me, shows that the author doesn't see an employee as a person who may want to avoid confrontations as much as the author does. Please don't 'use' me and my fellow employees like pawns, we get that enough from our managers.

Great article with great advice. I've had all those experiences and it holds regardless of what I wear...It is possible to interact happily with strange men but many men do not get these simple guidelines (probably because they just don't think of other people in the first place). Unfortunately, the good guys still have to make approaches in this poisoned environment. I feel for them but women really do have to navigate these potentially dangerous interactions all the time - and the danger often is there (hence the yelling, the stalking, and worse....).

I Just want to say that this article was amazing....i almost felt like i lived your life for a day while reading it. It definitely made me travel back into my memory to find out if i had inadvertently approached someone the wrong way.

Usually the girls i end up talking too are friends of friends so we are already involved in some sort of group outing or activity. The few very rare times i've approached a girl that i didn't know i have made the mistake of asking where they stayed and things like that. It never turned out too bad but now i see how it could have been misinterpreted.

I shared your article on twitter...we are all in Los Angeles so i definitely wanted my LA homegirls to read it and relate because i had just posted a tweet the day before asking if being approached becomes annoying. Perfect timing for me to stumble on this i guess lol

Some of the comments below infer that the author has been in some way victimized outside of the tales she recounts here. While I don't know the author personally and cannot say whether she has or hasn't, I can say that it doesn't take previous physical assault to feel victimized and have the experiences she discusses.

It's absurd that as women we are made to put up with the cat-calls, innuendos and gestures many men will make as we embark on a simple stroll to the coffee shop. When the harassment--and it is harassment--happens for the first time, you ignore it. When it happens repeatedly, sometimes you ignore it, sometimes you respond nicely say, "no thanks, or not interested" hoping for better results. But in each of these cases, more than once, I've personally been berated or followed because of my lack of response or a response the guy didn't like. My roommates have been followed home with people shouting names at them because they refused dates. I'm not saying that this is a guy thing, it is in fact asshole thing, but we shouldn't downplay how many assholes there are; and we MUST start talking about it so that women no longer have to feel afraid.

I should be able to go to a bar without being groped. Bars are not all skeezy places--they're social gathering places. I should be able to leave my home and enter venues of my choosing without being objectified. I should be able to count on women to be strong and set a precedent that we don't go out for the amusement of males, and I should be able to count on males to let me enjoy simple walks down the street. If you want to pay a compliment, fine. But leave it at that. If I ignore, or refuse, I should not be berated. You took the chance to say something, I took the chance to respond--leave it be.

I know live in Cyprus. The come-ons are far worse than what I ever experienced in the States. People tell me it's "part of the culture". It's wrong, is what it is. It sets women back fifty years. It's power play and dominance assertion. I used to run by the seaside here; an activity I no longer partake in alone because of the unwanted, unwarranted, and really inappropriate attention it got me. I used to change my running routes just to avoid groups of men and their lewd gestures. Now I only run when my friends or boyfriend can join me. Come on, what kind of freedom is that?

Come on ladies, instead of telling each other simply not to go out or what to wear and who to talk to or how to avoid assholes, let's realize those limitations take away our rights. Instead, lets tell men WE HATE THIS. Let's set the precedent that it's not tolerable, cute, or funny--it's harassment, and it's wrong.

It really is ridiculous. Before being with the beautiful woman I'm now engaged to, I would have never imagined how much attention a girl gets on a daily basis. She is a 36-27-36 5'8" beautiful 29 yo black woman and she can't go anywhere here (in Washington, DC) without a ridiculous amount of attention. And when I say ridiculous, it's just ridic. Last Saturday, she took the car to the shop in the early afternoon. She walked across the street to a Jamaican restaurant and had three different cars honk and yell at her and she had to walk fast and cross the street to avoid a group of 5 men who were yelling for her attention. Then, that evening, she was walking a few feet behind me with a female friend of ours and a guy standing outside a bar grabbed her arm. She wasn't outside for more than 15 minutes that day. There is hardly ever a time when she leaves the house and doesn't come home with some story or another about this or that guy trying to talk, following, paying "compliments"... Even just at the store, if I leave her side for a few minutes, more often than not, somebody will try and speak with her. I'm white - so we are a mixed couple - but, really, that has only very rarely been an issue - and when it has been, the negativity has always been directed at her.

I've gotta say, I agree with some of the comments here that suggest the author might have something else going on here beyond just being annoyed by men's bad behavior. Her reaction in general is that of someone who's been victimized in some way in the past. I speak from experience. The difference is, I *know* my severe distaste for compliments (and other advances) is due to that victimization. I also have to say that on some level, when you go to a bar, what do you expect? Bars harbor a certain kind of human being for the most part. Most people who go to (certain types) of bars are just looking for a hookup, so is it any surprise that a guy hits on you or won't take no for an answer? Or hell, even tries to touch you. This is why I don't go to bars and haven't since my early eye-opening experiences with them - I know the kind of person who hangs out at a bar. Granted, there are some bars or pubs that aren't "that kind of bar" but in many cases, that's what you're going to find there. Unless you're hanging out with your friends at a bar, why even go in unless you're looking to hook up or meet someone? Part of the reason I feel there's a sense of victimization in this article is for the simple fact that the author tends to make it sound as if the yelling and screaming, persistent male engages her ALL the time... as if she's a fragile little mouse wandering in a field fraught with dangerous predators all around her. I also know what it's like to feel that way (not with this particular problem, but with others) and again, I know it's because of past trauma. I'm not going to delude myself into thinking the world is really chock full of people like this and I feel the author, on some level, has. A "normal" person wouldn't feel this way all the time. I don't care how beautiful you are, I find it hard to believe random men are constantly yelling and screaming at you to talk to them, touching you inappropriately, asking for your number, etc. I've had friends who were very beautiful and that kind of thing did happen to them, but it was rare. It certainly wasn't what the author makes out to seem as a multiple-times-a-day thing... or even a daily thing for that matter. In the end, this article feels like it's a self-indulgent rant by someone who thinks she's exceedingly beautiful, but in reality, someone who's been victimized or traumatized in the past and has come to believe assholes are all around her. Sorry.

So I've seen quite a few posts of this sort around the `net in the past couple of weeks. Some written by men making the same points, but of course most were written by women. I've been thinking a lot about it, but I've yet to comment. So forgive the brain dump. The problem Mrs. Avflox has isn't a man problem. It's an asshole problem. Nearly her same argument could be made if she was a dark skinned man in the south, a Shia muslim in a Sunni dominated country, or, increasingly, a member of an opposing political party, etc... Of course, those are based on something different than sex, but the concept is the same. If you're different or perceived as weaker, you just might be in physical danger. Don't get me wrong, I fully empathize with her situation. I can't even imagine how vulnerable it must feel to be in that situation. However, I feel like she's taken her vulnerability to a point where she needs to seek psychiatric help. She almost seems like she has PTSD, or perhaps she was just being hyperbolic for the sake of her article. Furthermore, she neglects to take her own advice and put herself in a man's (a decent man, not an asshole) shoes. She says "I think it's fair now to consider the situation from the point of view of a man" but then goes on to say how a man should think. Nearly everything on her list has been contradicted by other women, Hollywood, musicians, print, TV, you name it. For instance: "place barriers between you and her". I've bought a girl a drink from across the bar, only to be told that if I had wanted to talk to this particular girl, I should have been man enough to walk up and talk to her, not send someone else to do it. Another instance: "accept no". Ok, of course no means no when we're talking about sex. But courtship? Yea, that's right out. In central and south America, for example, many women will say no repeatedly because if they give in too easy to a man's advances they'll be labeled "sluts". So the guys have no choice but to keep asking. Read an article on just this phenomenon yesterday and the problems it causes ex-pat American women in those regions. On a more personal note, I've been dumped by a girl simply because she wanted to see how hard I'd fight to win her back. Granted, I don't play silly games like this so I took no for an answer. But the point stands - she didn't mean no. And as a nice guy I can't tell you the number of times I've heard either a.) You're just too nice or b.) I know he's an asshole, but I'm just attracted to bad boys. So that tells me if I want a girlfriend I should treat women like crap. I've never believed this, but as a nice guy it's very confusing. The point I'm trying to make is, everyone has to deal with assholes. It's more difficult for some than others, but in the end, we're all (even white guys) discriminated against and vulnerable in certain situations. How you handle it and how to relate to the people who aren't assholes is what's important.

I think the main thing a lot of people are forgetting here is that women are statistically smaller and weaker than men. We (women, that is) are taught to fear men, to wear certain things or not wear certain things in order to keep attention off of ourselves. We are taught that we should be careful, that we can't expect men to control themselves. We learn about pepper spray, and walking with your keys between your fingers, and we learn to fear being raped and hurt by men. We are taught that we are weak and frail, and that men are rough and tough. Do you ever get that slightly paranoid feeling while walking alone late at night in the dark? That's the feeling that we are taught to have CONSTANTLY. From the time we are little girls, we are taught that we are the pretty ones and men are the tough ones, and we need to watch out because only the rare few are civilized enough not to harass us.

Now, with that context in mind, imagine someone hitting on you. Someone you've been taught your ENTIRE LIFE was most likely going to hurt you. You've been trained to come up with escape scenarios from the moment of realization that the person hitting on you is interested. Think it's going to be a bit different than someone you know you can physically take down hitting on you? Probably.