I Miss the Freedom I Had Before Motherhood
The question usually comes from people who don't qualify as friends -- acquaintances at best, usually total strangers. They coo over your baby or smile politely at your child hanging upside down from the monkey bars at the playground. "Don't you just love being a mom?" Well, uh, sure, total stranger. I mean, that's the only acceptable answer, isn't it?
But sometimes motherhood kicks you in the pants, doesn't it? Miranda at Sweet Mother of Blog delved into the heavy topic of loving motherhood and not loving motherhood, all in the same tired, disheveled, loving, nurturing, did I mention tired breath. Motherhood changes us at our core, and trying to accept that in between the everyday stuff of parenting can be difficult. At best.
Miranda gets honest:
But I also have a lot of moments when I wonder how I got here. I’m tired. Through and through. I have never known exhaustion like it. New lines sit beneath my eyes and I feel weathered and worn. I feel all of my age and then some. Sometimes I feel desperate that this is all there is, and this will define me forever. I was never a baby person, or a kid person. Never. In fact I vividly recall a time in my life when I would happily have foregone the whole having children thing. Admittedly I had a juvenile and foolishly selfish head on my shoulders at the time, but I was happy with the scenario which I had rather superficially circumnavigated in my mind. However, I grew up and realised that children were an essential part of the bigger picture. It took some getting my head around. It took a little longer than I had expected, to conceive my first bub, and with each month that went by, my desire, my need to have a baby grew and grew and became a wee obsession. These children are wanted. There is no doubt about that. But I cannot deny that sometimes I feel entrapped by this new role. I sometimes feel that the light, the eccentricity, the vibrancy, the creativity, the humour and the spontaneity have been sapped out of me. Have I become dull? Do I have anything to say? Where am I going? Will I ever create music again? What interests me beyond this baby bubble? I crave the freedom I had before motherhood.
I've missed that freedom myself -- the freedom to sleep or lounge in bed until I felt like getting out of that bed on the weekends. The freedom to listen to music with questionable lyrics at unquestionably too high of a volume in the car. The freedom to be me -- though, I'm not sure I truly understood who I was on all levels until I became a mom. Perhaps that's a post for a different day.
What about you? Finish reading Miranda's post and then answer the question: "Don't you just love being a mom?"