Letting Friends Know the Real You

I suffer from depression and anxiety, I like to consider my girlfriends like Charlotte and Miranda, but the funny thing is, most of them have mental issues also. Don't think you're alone, maybe your friends are the same way you are about it. It brings you closer to your gals when you're open--good blog :)

hey thanks for posting this, i'm glad i'm not alone :)

Hi - I totally get what you're saying. I too suffer from depression, anxiety and total lack of self-confidence. I've always had a lack of self-confidence (long story) but a few years ago was bullied in the workplace (another long story) and suffered terribly from depression and anxiety. The depression still rears its ugly head at times but the anxiety and lack of self-confidence is a daily struggle.I agree it's harder to make friends as you get older but I think finding a hobby where you can meet and enjoy being with people is good therapy.

I could go on and on ... but I think my comment is long enough. Sorry.

Reading this is like reading my own situation. I have one friend that knows I suffer from depression, have gone to therapy and have taken pills. None of them know how serious it really is, and how much it impacts me on a daily basis.

I just came back from a conference where I had to be "on" the whole time. And I was just done -- felt like all the life was sucked out of me. No one knew that at one point I just went to me room and broke down in tears for about a half hour, just because that's what happens.

Not sure about you, but I know that I typically don't tell people because I'm afriad they are going to look at me differently, or I won't get an opportunity that someone else who doesn't have these feelings will.

Thank you for writing this, so that those of us who feel this way, know we're not alone.

to be honest, i think certain tv shows are full of shit - the portrayal of friendships and relationships today are marketing/advertising tactics and then media further creates delusions.

I can totally relate to what you're saying. I even suck at small talk. I long to start up a conversation with someone, but I'm so anxious about it at the same time. It's just so hard to connect with people some times.

Once upon a time, I had a group of friends I could connect with like on Sex and the City. But that was a long, long time ago, and thousands of miles away...

I think this issue is complicated by the fact that some people only want to hear positive news, and other people are only interested in gossip. I don't want to hang out with the gossips, that's not how I roll, and I know everything I say will be spread anyways. Most of the people with whom I hang are the ones that only want to hear positive things. I tell them very little about what I'm going through, because quite frankly I'm going through hell, and it's hard to put a "positive" spin on that. Yay cancer, right? There's a difference between being open about what you're going through, and being a "debbie downer." I'd like to make some friends that understand that.

...and that's from someone who doesn't have diagnosed depression or anxiety!

It's so harder in general as an adult. As a kid, we went on vacation a lot with my dad in the summer when he would go on work trips. We would tag along and spend time in the pool. Almost the second after we jumped in the pool, we would find some other kid there and start playing. Without having to say anything. Maybe it's because we have to really talk to make friends now. You can't just pick up and start playing with them. It's definitely difficult.

I think making friends as an adult is harder, but maintaining friendships as an adult is much easier. It's prob ok to let your would-be friends in on your "troubles". They prob already suspect something and removing the wall can pave the way for a real connection

-The Spinsterlicious Life

The answer to your question? Both. It's tough to make and keep friends as an adult...but trust your instinct a little and the people you connect with. When you reach out, you'll be surprised at the support you can find :) And when you suffer from anxiety and depression, the best medicine (along side therapy and meds if you need them, of course) is a healthy dose of laughter and friendship. If you can momentarily find the fearless innocence you had as a child, you'll find it a little easier to reach out to like minded souls nearby.

One baby step at a time...much luck and huge hugs to you.

It's not just you it's me too. Seriously. Cymbalta saved me. I've reached for noone for so long. I came here (online) because it's safe. Hugs!

I am struggling with this as well, I'm pretty sure it comes along with the depression. I will tell you that your friends probably know that you are having issues and are just waiting for you to let them in. I have found great comfort here on BlogHer and found as alone as I might feel in life, I am joined by many online. Thanks for sharing your story, and good luck. :)

I don't think it's just you. Making friends as an adult is far more difficult than it is for children, and the fact that we're all so busy now makes it even harder. There is fear of judgement, and also all of the ways women are cruel to each other. I mean, you take a risk every time you wave, or reach out your hand to a stranger. I'm not always willing to take that risk. So, no, it's not just you.

A few years ago I made a serious effort to build friendships with other women, and as much as it was terrifying, it was so worth it. They keep me lifted.