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I parent better in public.
There. I’ve said it. I have been toying with this blog topic, in my head and in various draft forms, for weeks. Months. Maybe years. It has all blurred together. The point is that it is the truth: I parent better in public. I am more patient. I watch my tone better. I don’t yell. And it’s not even just about yelling or lack of yelling. It’s that I’m happier when we’re out and about, out of the house that confines us during most of our week.
I am only daring to write this post because I finally confessed this fact to a close friend of mine and she replied, and I quote, “OMG, ME, TOO.” Oh, validation, how sweet you feel. That validation quickly passed, and I wondered, “What if we’re the only two? What if I really am a horrible parent and I have just made friends with someone else who is equally off?” I’m hoping that’s not the case. If it is, please don’t tell me.
I’m not a bad parent at home. I love my boys, and I love to interact with them -- even though my schedule is somewhat full (or insane). I love to read books, color, bake, chase, play with toys, bathe and really do anything but crafts with these two boys. I do have a tendency, however, to yell too much, which I work on in intervals (meaning that one certain week of the month is far worse than the other three, and I begin working on it again once sanity returns). I also don’t say negative or nasty things to them in the privacy of our own home. I use my volume (oh, my volume) to stop certain actions (STOP LICKING YOUR BROTHER) or to cause others (GET TO THE TABLE). I never call my children names, berate them for mistakes or step across a line of verbal abuse. I am just loud at home. I hate it. But I am.
I also get frustrated more easily at home. Or, perhaps the better way to explain it is this way: I get equally frustrated at home but feel that my home is a safe place to sit down and cry, whereas I would rather die than cry in public. I am not the mom who screams at her children in a store. I do use my outdoor voice to get my older son to stop pushing his little brother down the slide from across the playground, but I am assuming that outside voices are usually acceptable outdoors. Right? But if a public meltdown occurs, which they do, I have no problem calmly pulling my child onto my lap, whispering in his ear and getting him calmed down or, at worst, removing him from the situation so he can calm down on his own. Why can’t I use my quiet voice at home?
I tend to make sure that we get out of the house regularly. As the colder months move in, I need creative planning. When my husband was away all weekend with overtime and the recent big fire (he's a fireman), I was certain to get out and about (the park, the store, anywhere really) so that I wouldn’t lose my mind. They had fun. I kept my volume under control. And we all survived the long, overwhelming weekend.
Please don’t get the wrong idea. My children aren’t in danger at home. I’m just writing this because I wish I could use my Public Patience more frequently at home. My close friend (to whom I admitted this issue to the other day) said that she had recently read to pretend as though you are in public when your child is acting up or your feel yourself becoming overwhelmed.
As much as I encourage imagination and love to play pretend with the boys, I know that there’s no audience in my son’s bedroom when his little brother has, once again, emptied two whole shelves of books. Or at the dinner table (our most recent Issue of Doom) when one son has decided that he doesn’t need to eat and just simply gets down while the other one stays in his seat and just whines about it. (Help?) Or when they are refusing to share a toy even though we have two of the very same toy. I know that I’ve read Screamfree Parenting
