I should've known

Thinking back to the ride home after he cheated on his girlfriend with me,  I don't know how I didn't realize it. What man cheats on a woman he loves, with an ex, who he can't let go of?  My mother and sister were astounded how I waved off all the red flags. After two years we finally had sex. I slept with other people as well. I lied about how many to, let's name him 'Woo'.  I was the second person he slept with, ever. I shared my body. No man wanted my heart. 

I absolutely tried dating. I wanted nothing more than to find someone. Woo made it impossible. We never fully committed to each other. This left room for ALOT of things to happen, on both our parts. 

The first guy I really liked after Woo, was Jack. I saw Jack on my way to cheerleading practice one day. I recognized him from my Biology class. He was cute and had a girlfriend. They had issues and long story short, I did my best to capitalize on them. I wanted Jack.  That one day I saw him, I talked to him longer than I planned. It was easy. I can't remember when were exchanged numbers, I was thrilled. We would talk from AM to PM. Not once did he make a move. To this day i wonder if he knew i liked him, alot. Turns out he liked my friend, Keegan. We were all in the same Bio class and FINALLY 'that night' happened. And when I say 'that night,' I mean the night your opportunity arises. Booze opens the door out of the friend zone and all you have to do is walk throught. That door was my townhouse door. Jack and I, plus Keegan had finally all gone out drinking together. We wound up back at my place, my roommates wanted to sleep, so Keegan and Jack left. I thought...I hoped they would just go to sleep or talk about me. Keegan blew Jack. And it was over just like that. Did I miss some sign.  Was he never into me, we talked and hung out so often.  Did  make up this chemistry in my head. The one thing in knew, my heart was aching again and I was alone. 

I guess I didn't open my legs enough. I was still a prude, still single, still unhappy.

Why wasn't my life changing. I was in a different city with different people, but things still felt the same. No one loved and Woo was still floating in and out my life. I slept with a few more people, no relationships developed despite my efforts. 

And just when I thought my life couldn't toss anymore surprises my way, of course it did. I moved off campus and into a house with my bff and another girl my junior year of college.  I started working at a country club to pay my bills. And it was at that country club that  I expanded my portfolio in a few different ways. It started with Aiden. He was cook, cute, and when took his cap off you could see he was starting to bald. But with that cap on, WINNER! We worked together all the time. I memorized his schedule, but never changed mine to sync with his.  At the country club, I acted like the person I wanted to be. I was open, funny, and willing to talk about sex with men. I discovered, in my life, the more relaxed and open I was about my preferences about all things sexy, the more men paid attention, Aiden noticed my sexy aloofness and my boobs when I leaned over and gave my table's order. He finally asked me out and just like in the movies, when  i went somewhere I thought was private, I did a little jig and Aiden just barely missed the show lol 

I try to remember the first time we slept together, I can't remember exactly when, but it was toooo soon. Ruined. Aiden and I chance, we never recovered from being intimate too soon. We were able to work together just fine, I let it go. There was no sense in being angry and making things awkward. I'm not sure if having sex too soon was the actual death of him and I but I knew there was still something missing. 

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