I spent the day in 'hell' yesterday, better known as Family Court
by JustKaren

Now I am a very positive person.  I meditate, find the silver lining in most situations, and take good care of myself.  So when I entered the 3rd floor of the family court building yesterday, it was not long before I felt assaulted by the negative energy that permeates the air.

 

The 3rd floor is designated for child support grievances.  I was taking my ex to court because he has not paid support in a half year which has left me struggling. Needless to say, the entire floor is filled with angry, frustrated, struggling, resentful, bitter, hostile people and those who are hurt, frightened, intimidated, abused and desperate.  Couples were arguing loudly, cursing at each other. Some men, my ex included, were loudly complaining about how unfair the system was to men. Angry looks and tensely locked jaws could be seen everywhere.

 

My ex showed up 2 hours late, so the judge penalized him by scheduling us for the last case of the day.  So I sat for 7 hours assaulted by a negative energy that could have pierced the happiest soul. 

 

By the end of the day, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and cry.  And it had nothing to do with my own circumstance.  The judge heard our case and I walked out with a settlement that I felt was fair to me and compassionate to him. 

 

I wanted to cry because of my exposure to such negativity. But there is always the silver lining.  It did give me an opportunity to see myself in comparison.  How far I have come from being that angry person, out of control and engaging in a loud verbal battle with my angry ex…I almost never do that anymore.  How peaceful my life is today.  My ability to let go and have faith that everything will work out for the best; in God’s time and way, not mine.

 

So perhaps spending a day in hell has it’s benefits especially when it helped me to see the heaven I have created for myself.

Submitted by JustKaren (view blog) on Tue, 08/05/2008 - 17:09

Comments

 

"Family" Court

Both of your posts really speak to me today. I'm glad to know that even there you were able to find a silver lining. I'll try to remember your insight next time I am in divorce court--in November.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

Submitted by rebellious thinker on Tue, 08/05/2008 - 18:24
 

Negative energy be gone.

Hi karen, hi Laura.

I am so pleased that I now know that negative energy exists, that we can feel it and that we don't have to keep it or have it affect us too long.

Great that you survived and isn't sad to see how people really hurt themselves.  

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com

Submitted by Wilma Ham on Thu, 08/07/2008 - 20:19
 

Negative vs. Positive Energy

You have me thinking about those people who hurt themselves, who live in a cloud of negative energy. I'm wondering if we stay with people who are so negative because we think that we can help them, that we can show them how goodness and nurturing can be wonderful? But the enterprise (marriage) fails when we realize that we have not brought them to our side, but, instead they are bringing us over to their side, and that is when we end up in family court.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

Submitted by rebellious thinker on Fri, 08/08/2008 - 04:23
 

The lesson, I think, is about control

Laura, Wilma,

Thank you for your feedback.

The truth is we can only control our own behavior.  I spent much of my marriage trying to control my ex's angry reactions by anticipating them and then choosing my actions accordingly (often untrue to myself).  Now I realize that I only have control over myself, my choices, my perspective.  I can share my insights with others, but whether or not they choose to consider or accept them is on them. 

I think it is another liberating lesson, acceptance.  Things are as they are and people will be as they will be.  I can choose to stay or go, to change my circumstances and actions; to stay healthy and calm admist the angry storm.  I do have the power of choice.

Karen

Submitted by JustKaren on Fri, 08/08/2008 - 06:05
 

The saddest part of all

The saddest part of the situation you describe is that all of these relationships started with love and caring. I remember my divorce and the puzzlement of how we ended up where we were, so far apart that we didn't even know each other.

I was luckier than most in that we divorced in a time when you could make your own agreement and the judge would approve it--and my ex stuck to his part, as I did to mine. It was still painful; I felt as if my heart was being ripped out of me, even though I no longer loved him and wanted the divorce.

But how sad to be in a place where anger and hatred are all that is left of love--that and the children who are so often caught in the crossfire of angry ex-spouses.

Granny Sue

Stories from the Mountains and Beyond

www.grannysu.blogspot.com

susannaholstein@yahoo.com

 

Submitted by grannysu on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 11:32
 

I feel You

I remeber my frequent vists to that place.  I was not as fortunate as you as my ex did not show up the first 3 times and I had to go back more times than anyone should be required.  I do get how you can see the silver lining as I can support my kids with or without help and so many of those peole there needed and were not getting this money for whatever reason.  Spending a day there truly makes you grateful for a peaceful existence.

Mcihelle

Submitted by Southerngirl on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 10:30
 

It's pretty close to the

It's pretty close to the unhappiest place on earth, isn't it? My first trip to family court was enough to crush my brain. Now, I've got another one coming up. I can only hope that it's a) quick and b) non-combative. It could honestly result in happiness or horror.

Submitted by Wyliekat on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 10:52
 

Divorce in the Courtroom

This never-ending process of going to court is ridiculous and seems to work right into the hands of these manipulative men work. Why are the courts handling our divorces? And why is it judges, of whom there are not enough and who don't really seem to get a grasp of what is going on, responsible for the health and well-being of women and children?

I filed in November because he is not complying with our PSA (what a shock, he's not paying and he harasses me) and because of delays and ineptitudes, I won't--maybe--have my day in court until November.

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

Submitted by rebellious thinker on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 11:02
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