I swear I'm not a dumbass....I'm just working from home with my kids
By melaflin on February 05, 2014
I worked from home on Monday. Schools were closed….the night BEFORE for “impending and certain WHITE DEATH”. I even reported a “3 Loaf ALERT”. Winter. Storm. Warning.
What happened? It rained. And there were about 3 patches of ice in the entire county. But….school was closed.
So….I must work from home.
I INFORM these children “OK boys…mom has a conference call at 8am. 8 A M! So…you must be quiet…you must just be silent”. “OK, Mom…” As if they were listening.
I get on the call……I glare at the one child awake. I put phone on MUTE. Second Ginger, comes rumbling down the steps. Mouthy, crabby, arguing with his brother. But I’m on MUTE, right? So?
Well, the 6 toed cat had walked ON the phone…and stepped ON the MUTE. Did I notice? Hell no….I have 7 pets running around, I don’t even flinch. Boys are sassying and arguing I say “OF COURSE YOU ALL HAVE TO TALK NOOOWWWW I’M ON A CALLLLLLL….”
Then I hear, on the phone: “Did someone need something?”
Awwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeee, HELL….THE MUTE. THE MUTE. THE MUTEEEEEEEE. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Me — “Oh, well, that was me yelling at my kids…I’ll stay on MUTE for the rest of my life. Carry on.”
The boys are staring….as if I’m going to spontaneously combust. “DO NOT SAY ANOTHER WOORRDDDD IF I’M ON THE PHONEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”
Nodding…lots of nodding.
Next call? I’m in the MIDDLE of a damn SENTENCE. The stupid Jackass begins barking as if we are being attacked by ALIENS!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I’M TALKING!!!!
I say “So sorry…hold pls”…and MUTE.
Ryan RUNS and SCREAMS “I’LL STOP THIS MOM…AND THROW HER OUTSIDE……” He saves the day. He keeps her OUT until I’m finished.
Thank the lord, my next call cancels.
I’m not a dumbass…I’m not incompetent….I live in an animal shelter managed by Gingers. And I’m working from home.
And? Finally? Ryan, “Mom, I can tell you…I’m not sure I want your job. Those phone calls are HARD…and I got no idea WHAT you are saying.”
Love, Swear, I’m not a Dumbass
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