The Truth Is…Sometimes I Wish I Never Had Kids

On this blog I admit things, I admit things most people would not admit outside their own thoughts and sometimes not even then.

I planned on writing this post before finding out about the chaos in Connecticut. Now my attitude has changed, but this post title remains valid.

Sometimes I wish I never had kids because the thought of losing them is too much to bear.

From the day a woman finds out she is pregnant a semblance of peace leaves never to be regained and I’m sure dads have their own hell to endure.

Even when we are not worrying we are apprehensive, when we are not scared we are afraid.

I have been trying like hell not to look at my girls and imagine the parents in Connecticut’s reality being mine. I die a little bit every time that image tries to surface in my mind’s eye. I shut it out and I am not about to try to conjure it up now.  There will be no links to the story nor any updates on this post/blog. The info is prevalent and easy to obtain go find it if you must, I will not be searching.

I love my children, fiercely and would lay down my life for them without the blink of an eye.  However, sometimes I wish I never had them.

This world is fucked up beyond all recognition!!!

And the fact that I brought life into it at times make me feel extremely selfish, stupid and annalistic. But they are here and with every breath I breathe I will try to make their time here as productive, peaceful and pleasant as I possibly can.  I know pain is a part of life and my goal is to equip them to deal with it, Lord help me.

My heart and soul goes out to those who have lost, not just yesterday, not just in Connecticut not just in America but all over the globe where violence is rampant and the value of life is decreasing by the minute.

Peace be with you…

I love you sweeties Love Mommi




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