I Understand Christmas

Tracy Livingston This year I actually stuck to a budget but it still looked like I created an answer for fiscal policy all on my own. The money is just that money, I can look around at every corner of our home and every ornament and feel love and a sense of newness that I began when I created my bling tree and winter wonderland. New beginnings, empty nest (words that took a year to learn to say and spell), and changes in direction of attitude, health, healing and a change in career direction. Static is never a word I would use in my family. While change was the theme of my master-minded holiday decor, I never expected to feel such joy. The holidays in the past were that happy times filled with busy calendars and of course shopping...that is it, this year I embarked on a change I embraced but had no idea it was so close to my soul. I finally accepted pure happiness not related to things...this came clearly on Christmas Eve. Kyle is blessed with daily love all around him and we were allowed into his life outside of family only to see his heart working overtime, caring for others and enjoying as we peered into a families first Christmas in years. A improper Christmas Eve dinner by friends in our circles but the best dinner I have ever had, not just due to the food (which was great) but the company and their gratuitous ways for life and family. Every gift to them was a miracle, every morsel a blessing and every conversation meaningful. I laughed, I cried and I was moved by the family I wish to call part of my own as they fight the good battle of addiction as mother and daughter. Both have hopes and dreams and a past life I cannot imagine but in reality it is their past and I hope now I am always part of their future, I want to cheer them on to the greatness they can both achieve. That night I thought about my change in decor, my first time budget and the ability to change like a chameleon in career and thought with my life as a partner to my husband of soon 25 years. That night I did not think presents I felt love, for the first time I felt utter joy and a sense of gratitude that has never washed over my soul. It took a special bond from another family to teach me gratitude, and for that I am eternally grateful and have vowed to live life to the fullest each day not sweating the small stuff but going forth as a family lucky in many ways but more so in our lot of love for each other. Today, I am not rushing to malls in hopes for a bargain, just glowing in my new found love for self, family, others and God. What memories and what a Christmas! I finally understand!

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