I used to have these perfectly toned, silky smooth, sun-drenched legs... Then I became a mother.
No matter how hard you close your eyes, there are some things that you just can't un-see. The other day, as I was piecing together my sixth attempt at "effortless casual hipster," I caught a glimpse of what used to be my legs in the mirror...
They didn't look like how I had remembered them, all tanned and tight; instead they looked like expired turkey legs after being left in the sink to thaw. If I had to sum it up in two words, I guess I'd have to say they looked pissed off, which only confused me more.
I stared at them for a long time–trying to locate the 46-mile marker on those pasty white road maps that the boys used to love. I wanted to cry; but I'm an ugly crier and didn't need the added visual, so I smiled instead. "It's hard to be in a bad mood when you're smiling!" I once read somewhere, but obviouslyTHAT person wasn't sitting on the floor of my bedroom closet.
I keep thinking that, one of these days; someone is going to invent a pill that will shave off at least 20 years. I'll step out of the shower, tiptoe into my closet, and dance around naked in front of the mirror. I'll dig out my shortest mini skirt and favorite knee high boots. No need for a wardrobe change–first times a charm! Life is good, I'll conclude... But then I'll hear it–a familiar song grows in the distance..."'Cause I came here with a load... And it feels so much lighter since I met you; Honey, you should know... That I could never go on without you..."
Damn you iPhone alarm, thanks for killing my buzz!