I want balance and I am getting it!!!!!
By Wilma Ham on May 14, 2009
It is no wonder that I feel tired and confused when trying to map out my own life according to my desires and creating a balanced and productive life.
I am not trained to do so.
When I was living life according to 'the web', my life was spelled out for me.
I learned what teachers, parents, society told me to learn and mostly it served to pass exams, be a good citizen and stay out of trouble AND it never was meant to make me think or be innovative.
Nothing prescriptive in my blogging world for example, or how I manage my time or what I will do today.
I can do what I like, I can learn whatever I fancy and I don't know how to handle this freedom.
Help! Where do I begin.
Where is the boss, the teacher, the examiner to tell me?
Is there a way for me to learn to cope on my own?
How do I go from fumbling through the day and wasting time to being really focused and productive?
How do I dare to take a day off and take time for myself?
It feels there will never be a day I will have done the right thing or be confident that it all will work out.
My mind goes around in circles and then blames me for not having done a good day's work.
But bliss, I have found ways to explore my questions.
I wasn't to blame, there is hope.
I am very, I may add very skilled in living a life from duty, obligations, shoulds and hierarchical do this or else rules but . . .
I am very unskilled in dealing with thinking for myself and taking responsibility for my own well being, balance in life and taking care of my work load.
All I have to do is learn to learn and then learn new skills to cope with all this freedom, responsibility and choices.
Now I am a bit further down the track I love the new skills that are necessary for living outside 'the web' where everything was prescribed.
What new skills belong to this new life of mine?
Here are some of them.
· Assessing life according to the enormous amount of structures I have in my life.
We all have a body, cars, homes, work, family, friends, hobbies and many more things that require our attention and want our energy and input.
Next thing is to look at ROI (return on investment) and which structures are dominating and which are serving you.
Wisely cull your structures so you are no longer wasting time with structures that are no longer required.
This is not so easy as it seems. It means saying 'no' to complaining friends when you have noticed they are depleting your energy.
It means for hoarders to clean out the garage or basement.
I had big trouble investing in that structure which is my body by going to alternative health practitioners, doing Pilates and having regular massages.
This will deal with a lot of overwhelm, I can tell you that.
· Recording the diversity of roles, appreciating how many roles I had taken on by default, what their tasks were and then deciding which one to ditch or modify was a wonderful skill to learn.
Obviously being a parent is one you cannot easily let go off, but you can look at how you perform the role, what you think your tasks are and actually questioning those tasks you have taken on. Are they still valid or it is time to delegate certain ones or actually saying 'no' to children and let them sort their own things out.
I have learned to say 'no' to John, ditch feeling obliged and let go of the guilt.
It is a whole different ball game when you are clear about what roles you suit and want to chose.
· Learning to difference between clear and unclear agreements and the value of agreements.
Before this I saw rules and agreements as keeping me in prison and I felt they were seldom serving me.
However now I see how important the skill of setting clear agreements is when wanting to get things done properly and efficiently for example.
Everybody knows what to do, how to do it and things go like clock work..
I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to actually know it wasn't my fault, I was not stupid or incapable of living a great life, I needed just new skills and ditch the obsolete ones.
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