I Want My Kids to Be Judgmental

If only it were that simple...kids who are able to stand up to peers and state their beliefs in contradiction to the general consensus are to be applauded and supported, but it is so incredibly difficult for kids to do just that. At least, if your child is sharing with you what upsets him or her about the way others are treated, you can acknowledge their feelings and encourage them not to forget what those feelings were. As I always told my kids when they were growing up - "be nice to everyone, you never know what is going on in people's lives."

Very well stated. I hope to teach my children the same! We live in a world where everyone is afraid to even assert there is such a thing as truth. But, the truth is: good parents teach their children tolerance (as in - respect and love for others). NOT tolerance in the sense that they must tolerate/embrace any and all behavior, no matter how detestable or dishonorable it may be. Thanks for the thoughtful post. I'll be following your blog. :)

- Jami

A Bit Backward. . . ( http://www.howdyhepworths.blogspot.com )

we are totally at a half full/half empty place.

For example, I will tolerate someone not liking my friend because they are completely free to have their own opinion. But if that person starts to bad-mouth my friend, I will not tolerate it and will say something about it.

Or I will tolerate someone of a different faith because it doesn't make them less of a person. She can believe whatever she wants. It doesn't mean that I won't disagree with her, and I will say that I don't agree.

Does this make sense? What do you think?

Gianna Rae is a busy mom of 4 with many random thoughts traveling through her head which is why you can find her at A Traveling Thought. http://atravelingthought.blogspot.com

can be imprecise, despite our best intentions. Our courts are filled with cases where contentious debate considers the meaning of a given word.

In this case, you make a point that there are certain values you wish to instil in your children. That is true of most all parents, and was true of me when on the parenting trail. It is true of us and what we learned from our parents and within our larger educational framework.

I've explained why the word tolerant is one I try to avoid, you've explained why it works for you. That leaves us at a half-full, half-empty sort of place. Same locale, different vision of what we see.

If someone were to say...attempt to sexually assault me, defending myself isn't something I'd frame as intolerance of the invasive act, I'd view it as protecting myself.

There are places where the lines are less clear. In this case, my opinion formed from years of dealing with people who actively expressed distaste for feminists and lgbt folk. I've been dealing with such interactions for a long time. For instance, who and what I am is not on the table for discussion. I will not concede anyone else has such power over me, I am who I am, I am what I am. I'll walk away when that happens.

Along with that issue, tolerance would imply that another group will stand aside and allow another group to exist free of interference. That is not the goal; the goal is to coexist, equally, with equal need to respect the other. It is that place I reach for in life, where no one feels others have power over them, or that they have power over others.

nellewrites ( http://nellewrites.net/ )

when I use the word tolerant or intolerant, I'm basing it on the definition as in, "I tolerate you. Even if I don't agree with you, you can have your opinion and I can have mine." I agree with teaching them boundaries so maybe we do agree.

But what happens if we cross boundaries? Because that happens. Is there ever a time we be intolerant? "You crossed this boundary and I won't put up with it."

Just discussing. I'm not trying to fight you.

Gianna Rae is a busy mom of 4 with many random thoughts traveling through her head which is why you can find her at A Traveling Thought. http://atravelingthought.blogspot.com

Love this and was just talking about this very topic...

Liana Preble CEO/Founder

Victorious Moms

www.victoriousmoms.org ( http://www.victoriousmoms.org )

of the broader use of the word (although my experience is within a narrow slice of the spectrum, which is really the case for all of us, since we are unique creatures.)

Aye yee yee, forming this into concise explanation isn't easy. Let's try it this way...

In general, tolerance implies someone else has power over, and that makes me uncomfortable, sort of like 'we allow you to exist free of hassle'. In an egalitarian society, we learn to exist with each other, learning the boundaries of where my rights end and yours begin. Sometimes humans struggle with those boundaries, and one thing we can really do well to teach our young is considerate navigation of the spaces between each of us.

nellewrites ( http://nellewrites.net/ )

I believe that children follow by example and I was raised to be intolerant of the ideas you posted.

My daughter knows to say something when she feels that someone she cares for is being treated unkindly or maliciously. It's harder as she gets older since she is esxposed to peer pressure but she realizes that if she lets something slide, it could affect her one day.

Great post!

To help your child to understand their choices and consequences.
Nellie, we may be more in agreement about the word tolerance than you think. What about the word bothers you?
Thanks for your encouragement.
Gianna Rae is a busy mom of 4 with many random thoughts traveling through her head which is why you can find her at A Traveling Thought. http://atravelingthought.blogspot.com

I really like your post. As a mom of older kids (21, 18 &16) I can say that "training" your kids to make good choices pays off.
I have watched my kids handle unkindness from peers with dignity and compassion. Even when they weren't treated with such. {Being judgemental or intolerant doesn't always link to homosexuality.} Like you, my family does not tolerate sinful or any kind of wrongdoing. Including things like lying, stealing, hurting others or any bad behavior.
Now that my kids are nearly grown...I'm so thankful that we stuck to our beliefs and provided them with knowledge to LOVE OTHERS!
You will be glad too! ;)
PS.
Teaching them to honor God with their words and actions comes back as a blessing to you here and in heaven.

I like your thinking and agree. I think the key is knowing (as you said) teaching your children to judge actions, not people. I think this also teaching children to have enough self worth and confidence to stand up and say NO! Nice job. :)

evaluative, reasoned, and resilient. Make wise choices.

I am not a fan of (the word) 'tolerance', perhaps for reasons that differ from the argument you make for (in)tolerance.

nellewrites ( http://nellewrites.net/ )

Calling someone a homophobe is unnecessary. Labeling people is not what I was going for here.

There is so much more to this discussion than accusing people who call homosexual sin wrong as being homophobes.

Are you intolerant of anything else besides issues regarding homosexuality?
Gianna Rae is a busy mom of 4 with many random thoughts traveling through her head which is why you can find her at A Traveling Thought. http://atravelingthought.blogspot.com

I am all for the concept of tolerance, as in not being homophobic or racist, but then I am with you on the intolerance of those that are. I wish there was a word just for that. I am intolerant of those that are intolerant. And just did a post on things I don't tolerate. It's a conundrum.