Why I'm Not Sad My Daughter Punched a Little Boy in the Privates

This is so wrong. The boy is a human being, a CHILD no less, that made a mistake. Your daughter's behavior was off the charts compared to his. Condoning it goes against the grain of everything I teach my boys. Your daughter should have calmly walked away from the boy and told the teacher, then you would have had a leg to stand on as far as feeling like your daughter had been violated, which, as far as I can tell from your description, is a stretch, at best.  Assuming this boy had sexual motives when it was most likely simply potty humor is also shameful.

I am always telling my boys that they cannot react with violence. I will never condone anyone that does nor any parent that encourages their child to do so.

You've taught your daughter a few things here. One, that's it's okay to solve her problems with violence. Two, that boys are less than human and she's entilted to treat them that way. Three, that it's okay for her to touch someone else's privates.

This is shameful. If I was that boy's parents, I'd be LIVID! Heck, I'm livid for them!

The victim here is the boy. Your daughter should apologize, as should you to the teacher you disrespected and to the boy's parents.

I'm going against the grain here. I share your sentiments on your daughter's violation, but we all need to put this perspective of the law, in that getting physical to a verbal provocation is assault. Right has nothing to do with it. Teaching a child to stand up for themselves and be empowered is one thing. Teaching a child to fight verbal threats with physical and sexual violence is another. Tell the teacher, tell the parents, file a lawsuit, march on Washington...but turning physical can result in arrest and a changed future for the person who was originally the victim.

YOUR DAUGHTER IS MY HERO! Please write a post about how to rear empowered, aware girls so I can copy you! <3

Oh, and the photo used in this is perfect.

I think this is the best blog post I have EVER read!!! Sharing! Tell your daughter I send her a high five. I taught my daughters the same thing.

I had a Dr. abuse and criticize me (a male Dr.) for sharing an experience when a friend was in a public library. Two women friends were studying when a man approached and put his 'thing' on the table. One woman picked up her book and slammed it down on the thing. Assault with a library book...?

I know this is an older post, but I'm really concerned that people are minimizing the boy's actions as just "stupid" and that you can't compare them to a grown mans actions. You need to remember that 10 year old BOYS HAVE been convicted of rape. This boy might have already molested another young girl, or might be starting on the path to becoming a rapist. If that's the case, better he get the idea that girls are NOT easy prey, that they can defend themselves. In a real attack, you only have seconds to chose sometimes, and as pointed out, those that fight have a better chance of not being raped than those that don't. Hopefully, this little boy will get help to correct his behavior.
And it is indeed sexual hasrassment. Per TheFreeDictionary.com it includes sexual conduct, words or actions "of a sexual nature", including blocking the victim's path, leering or standing very close to the victim.

women grow up believing they are physically weak and are unable to protect their own space. if a woman is touched, she has a right to defend her body and her space. the less submissive, passive and obedient we raise our girls the better they will be.

violence isn't okay, but sometimes it is necessary for a woman to have SOME resources to protect herself, patriarchy has robbed us of any resources, legal, social, political - so yeah, if we get touched, don't expect kindness and understanding in return.

I totally agree with supporting your daughter! This was a really great story because it gave me hope for our future generation of girls. Since girls are so sexualized by the time they are 6, it's good to know parents are teaching their children to have full control over their own bodies and personal space.

Sorry to say, but the little boy deserved it.

I have 3 little boys all under 5 at the moment. I am very careful in teaching them how to treat their female friends, even at this young age.

A ten year old boy is pumping with hormones, it is clearly a sexual issue when he shakes his private parts is a girls face. I hope the boys parents are contacted so they can sit down and discuss with him how inappropriate this behaviour is. At the very least the afterschool carer should have pointed it out to him, so he doesn't run into more trouble when he gets older.

More power to your daughter! I would be worried if she didn't do something about it. And there lies the problem, you would have never known but for the report. Kids often don't tell their parents about incidents like this. So regardless of what our children decide to tell us about their day at school, at home we can at least instill in them values about their right to bodily autonomy, protecting themselves against sexual harassment, trusting their instincts etc.

Yes I did; which is even more reason why I'm disturbed by her obvious pride at her child's actions.

As I stated in my first comment - had this young girl been taught to actually stand up for herself; she'd have said something to the teacher rather than let the teacher put the blame all on her.

You can *not* compare the actions of a grown man to that of a 10 year old. Get real. The boy in question was not attempting to sexually assault or intimidate her. He was trying to be an obnoxious annoying boy. They do that.

I have read all of her comments; and have not disregarded them in any way. But for the mother to be proud of this behavior rather than explain to her that hitting is not an acceptable first option leads me to those conclusions. This was a perfect teaching opportunity and it's my opinion that the wrong lesson was taught.

As long as you people insist on reaction from an emotional perspective and irrationally ascribing sexual motives to a child you will miss the entire point.

There is no having a productive conversation with the illogical and irrational mind.

I wonder what you would have said if the situation was reversed. What if your daughter said "talk to my Vagina" and a boy punched her in the crotch? Would you be backing him up? No, you obviously hate men and are teaching your daughter to do the same. Who do you think is going to be hurt by this? It will be your daughter. She is the one who will grow up thinking violence is ok and will suffer for it. You should be ashamed of yourself.

" I don't think you have anything to be proud of personally; I think it's parents like you who contribute to violence in our schools."

I'm sorry, but have you read her followup comments regarding this post? She specifically states that her kids are bipolar and have ADHD, and that they have worked EXTENSIVELY to demonstrate to them that violence is not condoned. She is championing her daughter for standing up for herself when she was feeling attacked.

"This was a boy acting stupid; not a sexual attack. She could easily have stood up and walked to a teacher; or she could have yelled loudly "Get away from me" and then gone to the teacher; etc...there were plenty of options for her to solve this problem w/out resorting to violence. I was raised to never throw the first punch; but always throw the last...but nope; this little girl hit another child as a first response - which she has obviously been told is an acceptable way to behave."

So, by that token, if I guy comes up to a woman who is seated and shoves his crotch in her face and says, "Talk to Mr. Weiner", the woman should just scream and run to someone for help? How many times do we hear that fighting back is what separates a potential-victim from a victim? This 10-year-old (who obviously thought this was acceptable behavior from SOMEONE) will probably not EVER speak to a woman that way or make lewd and/or obscene gestures in a woman's face. I'm sorry that you think that this girl was taught that violence was the first response. You apparently have not read the author's followup comments, or have blatantly disregarded them in order to justify your own opinion.

Personally, if my little girl (who is 2) EVER ends up in this situation or something similar, where she finds that she is being harassed or attacked, I will encourage her to immediately take action to put her attacker out of commission! So while violence isn't always the answer, sometimes it is justified!!!
"Live long, and may the Force be with you.  So say we all"--#1

Very well said!

Was the boy's behavior inappropriate? Yes.
Is it "sexual harassment?" No.
Should the girl have told the teacher what was happening rather than haul off and hit someone? You bet your ass.
I have *no* problem w/ my girls defending themselves physically if that is their only recourse; however that was not the situation in this case.
Piss poor teacher supervision plus poor parental examples apparently combine to teach one girl it's ok to physically abuse people and one boy that you just have to suck it up and take it when you're attacked...Nice one...

This was a boy acting stupid; not a sexual attack. She could easily have stood up and walked to a teacher; or she could have yelled loudly "Get away from me" and then gone to the teacher; etc...there were plenty of options for her to solve this problem w/out resorting to violence. I was raised to never throw the first punch; but always throw the last...but nope; this little girl hit another child as a first response - which she has obviously been told is an acceptable way to behave.

It's crap that the teacher didn't ask both students what happened; but it's also crap that you think hitting is the only way she can stand up for herself. Why when the teacher was 'punishing her' did she not defend herself?? I don't think you have anything to be proud of personally; I think it's parents like you who contribute to violence in our schools.

Would that every daughter, of any age, would do the same.

Your freedom extends as far as your courage.

-Noel Veva

I think the girl acted appropriately. The boy was being a bully, and bullies usually quickly back off if their target proves that they will defend themselves. A single punch, even to the privates, is an appropriate response to an aggressive act.

If you want another male opinion, my boyfriend just asked me what I was reading. I told him your story, and explained that while some readers thought the girl was right on, others were appalled that she acted with violence. BF rolled his eyes, said "Violence? The little boy got what he deserved.".

Both of us wondered were the boy learned that behavior, because he certainly didn't come up with it all by himself. I hope the boy has someone to intervene for him.

Well done, by both ladies.

The 'ol 'boys will be boys' yarn should not be allowed to hold water...

francesca maggi burntbythetuscansun

Charred Ice,

I understand your point. My point is that in real life, she would be arrested for assault plain and simple. The cops would see that and the judge would see that.

If my son that was hit in the nuts by this girl, I would press charges against her. In doing so I want to make sure she understands there are better options than resorting to physical violence when a hand never touched her. If the roles were switched the male would be arrested, and there would be a bunch of women screaming for his head, you know that. Just because she's a female doesn't give her immunity from the same laws that men have to follow, there's no reason why women shouldn't be held to the same standard.

PocketAA, please read my comment above. You say this:
"one must wonder what the child see's at home since she resorted to physical violence to quickly. I don't think anyone has asked that question."

Both of my children are bipolar and ADHD. We work very hard to help them learn impulse control. I can assure you that physical violence is not the norm in my home.

Mary a/k/a BarnMaven blogs at http://www.barnmaven.com about single parenting, living with ADHD, too many animals to count and dealing with ADHD/Bipolar kids.

What a wonderful little girl! & what if the daycare just got her in trouble for doing it even thugh she had a reason? What sort of complex would that have given her? Good for you for sticking up for your little girl. God, I'd hate to meet this little boys parents.

PocketAA, I know you're not the only one that takes issue with what's being viewed as hi-fiving. Where some see rejoicing, others see the affirming of a young girl's innate understanding that she has a right to defend herself when she feels herself threatened. My point being, it's all in the perception.

Like what's being called violence. I would be extremely concerned if she had followed the boy with a barrage of blows, kicks or worse. That's serious aggression to me and there'd be no "brava". What she did was in self-defense.

Forever Femme

Co-writer: Charred Ice ( http://charredice.wordpress.com/ ) "...the burned parts are good for you."
Woman Up! Messageboard ( http://womanup.proboards.com/ )

what a great story and you go girl, even if you are only 10!!

Single parent help ( http://www.singleparenthelpcenter.com )

Charred Ice,

Your first post said "brava" and I'm not the only one that's seen the "you go girl", "hi-five" sort of posts.

You also mention this:
"It has been said that self-preservation is the first rule of nature...and any other boy who saw that right-hook will think more than twice about doing the same".

Can it also be said that any woman who gets her jaw broken will think twice about hitting a guy in the chest? Is that a form of self-preservation too?

Yes, Children are mimics and since that's the case, one must wonder what the child see's at home since she resorted to physical violence to quickly. I don't think anyone has asked that question.

and

Joanna C wrote this:

"Yes, I chose those words deliberately because I'm concerned about a reverse double standard!

If a little girl made one threatening/obscene gesture to a boy, would we cheer him for punching her in response? I don't think so."

I tend to agree with Joanna. A woman once said...Any man attacking his wife in such away would be branded an uncaring, sexist monster. But when we do it we're liberated

The state of the "Male" in society these days, that's a whole nother issue, but this is how its starts

Individual perception is interesting, isn't it? Yes, I understand that both women and men have the potential to become unsavory human beings. Still, I haven't read where anyone has rejoiced over the boy getting hit. Nor have I seen where anyone has condoned violence. Most certainly, self-defense and violence/abuse are two entirely different actions.I commend her mother for seeing the difference between the two and teaching her daughter the same (a point being all but lost in the discussion, it seems).

What I have read is the affirming of an instinctual act of self-defense. She felt threatened and responded, rather than being immobilized by that fear.

Children are mimics. They emulate what they observe from adults and peers. Passivity can be learned just the same as the violence, physical and sexual abuse that's easy to hate. I can only hope the boy's parents have used this as a teaching opportunity and moreover, find out where their child witnessed/overheard this behavior to begin with.

Forever Femme, co-writer of "Charred Ice...the burned parts are good for you."
http://charredice.wordpress.com ( http://charredice.wordpress.com/ )
Woman Up! Messageboard ( http://womanup.proboards.com/ )

I still cant believe adults rejoice over little boy getting punched in the nuts when he didn't touch the girl, kinda takes man hating to a whole new level.

Liza, I can only guess the message it sends to the Daughter, I can say what it sends to a guy. If you hit a man in the nuts, or attempt to hit him there when he hasn’t touched you, your going to really piss him off, you’ve throw away your immunity card (the she’s a woman, you shouldn’t hit women card) He will see you as an physically equal person, so you better be prepared as to what happens next. You will find that shows like “Le Femme Nikita”, have nothing to do with reality. I would only recommend it when you have absolutely NO alternative.

All the “hi-fivers”, go ahead, dawn the shoulder pads and the Football helmet and put yourself on that preverbal field of physical equality, tell me what happens next. After all, my mom smacked my Dad for the longest time, until she kicked him in the nuts one day, but then again she didn't have a whole lot of common sense either.

You said it much better than I. Thank you.

Adela

Blogging at:

www.oncealittlegirl.wordpress.com ( http://www.oncealittlegirl.wordpress.com )

and

www.theblacktortoise.com ( http://www.theblacktortoise.com )

I, too, am shocked by the overwhelming support of physical violence. A ten year old can pack quite a punch, and thus is capable of inflicting permanent damage. I personally know of just such a response, years ago on the playground, two ten year olds. The "boy," now a man, is unable to father a child. Hardly just desserts for a ten-year-old's crime.

The teacher is in the wrong for not investigating the situation. My guess is that the school has a zero tolerance for violence - end of story.

Unfortunately, the lesson everyone seems to hope the boy learned, may not be the lesson received. I wonder what further investigation should be carried out to determine the root cause of the boy's behavior. Most ten year olds know about personal boundaries. Often such acting out is a result of sexual abuse.

Let me be clear... The boy was wrong, wrong, wrong. So is violence. Yes, your daughter has a right to defend herself, but in a classroom full of people and adult supervision, that didn't need to be violence.

Adela

Blogging at:

www.oncealittlegirl.wordpress.com ( http://www.oncealittlegirl.wordpress.com )

and

www.theblacktortoise.com ( http://www.theblacktortoise.com )

When we choose violence, we choose to give up control.

There are frequently unintended consequences to choosing violence. In this case, your daughter didn't injure the boy, but she could have.

Punching someone in the genitals is not the same as punching someone in the arm. Your daughter probably doesn't have enough strength to seriously injure a person....but sometimes it is all a matter of angle, timing and effect.

You need to seriously consider what would happen if the boy had wound up needing medical care, and what message that woudl send to your daughter.

I am thinking of one case where one person, pushed another person away from him....causing the other man to trip, fall, hit his head and die. One shove in the heat of the moment sent a man to prison for manslaughter.

That's not an everyday occurrence. We can sometimes make bad choices without any serious consequences....but not always.

As I thought more about this, I had another thing I wanted to say.

You didn't teach your daughter to stick up for herself by reacting this way......because who she really needed to stand up to was the teacher.

The teacher responded without digging deeper into the situation. I think that's understandable given that your daughter punched someone. If I see someone punch another person, especially as the initiator of violence, I am not going to assume that the puncher had a good reason to physically hurt someone. My first impulse would be to help the kid who was hurt and sort it all out later.

Given that...your daughter never stood up for herself to the teacher. SHe never spoke up and explained why she did what she did.

While some people might think that she responded in a powerful way...she didn't. Because the real power is standing up to an authority who hasn't listened to you, making sure that your side of the story is heard.

A more important lesson that could have been gleaned from this situation would have been for your daughter to be told that the next time something like this happens she needs to speak up, loud and strong...not only to stop the behavior of the obnoxious boy, but to assert herself to her teacher.

None of that should include violent actions.

I'm with you and your daughter. That was a great response she had! Good work to you both!

Since physical responses are not foreign for men, I doubt he'd get an audible rah-rah chorus. I do believe he'd get silent "way to stick up for yourself!" in three-part harmony though.

There will always be situations that can be diffused by talking and others that can't.

And, for these instances, I believe that children should have more than assertive language on their side.

Forever Femme, co-writer of "Charred Ice...the burned parts are good for you."
http://charredice.wordpress.com ( http://charredice.wordpress.com/ )

PocketAA, my heart aches for your young self's molestation and abuse. Believe me, I understand just as much as I understand the young one's visceral reaction to the surprise pelvic thrust, not just in her direction but in her face.

Me? I was seven years old when I walked in on(skipped in really I had a doll in my hand ready to play),walked in on the male babysitter on top of my crying sister.

I immediately dropped my doll and jumped on his back, flailing, kicking and pulling his hair with all I was worth.

My sister was incapacitated and couldn't help me. So, he raped me too but I fought him to the end.

I wasn't then and am not now, a pugilist. At most I've slapped an errant mosquito or two. But, where my sister has had more issues with not only being raped but not coming to her little sister's defense, I have none of that.

It didn't make me gay either. LOL, I'd already been making mudpies for my little tomboy girlfirend since I was four.

It didn't make me hate all men. Just one man.

I shared as you did becaue I've learned never to let someone be "out there" alone...and as for you breaking that insistent jaw?

It was a normal response to being hit/threatened and there is no amount of intelligent discourse that can change the fact that when we, as humans, are stirred to a visceral reaction...we...simply...react.

Whether it is right or wrong is a matter of personal thought.

Forever Femme, co-writer of "Charred Ice...the burned parts are good for you.
http://charredice.wordpress.com ( http://charredice.wordpress.com/ )

I’m clearly with Lisa on this, I don’t understand the whole “High five” mentality either. It’s almost like “score one for the woman” syndrome. Isn’t this what’s its all about…the gender war? In this particular scenario I believe it is. There wouldn’t be big deal about “socking it to the privates” of a male then getting a bunch or “high fives”. Its sad where “some”, not all but some adults dismiss actions by children simply because the adults holds contempt for the opposite sex.

I had to voice my opinion because words started to get mixed into this story like rapists and sexual power…. I about fell out of my chair when his actions were described as a “sexual power play”, It took me back to my grade school days when all the boys in my group would say to each other “SHHHHWING on this”!. If thrusting hips is a sexual power play then all my friends must have been gay.

BarnMaven, I don’t know you, but like you and I’m sure many others on this site have things in our past that still haunt us….what if. Me? As a young boy I was seduced/raped/molested or what ever you want to call it 3 times by my babysitter, I remember not liking it, scared and confused as to the outcome. Do I push her away, hit her? No you don’t dis-respect or hit women, as a male what then? According to society women doing this sort of thing was inconceivable. I remember doing nothing and hoping no one finds out. If I told my Mom she would of called me a liar and proceed to beat the crap out of me with the hose or the horsewhip, this was nothing I wanted.

For some reason the age of 11 and 15 was attractive for gay men. Attempted touching and forced fondling twice at 11, and at 15, I was held down and well, worked over. By 15 you might of guess it, I ran away from home and had some anger issues. At 19, I was arrested for assault. I was at a bar with some friends and a girl I knew was being harassed by what appeared to be a Lesbian. She had trapped my friend in a corner and wouldn’t let her leave. Me being of the “old school mentality” saw a woman in distress. I went over to help acting like I haven’t seen my friend for a long time. After trying to jockey in between my friend and the offender, I was punched in the middle of my chest leaving me gasping for air. My first thought, if your man enough to hit me, your man enough to get hit back, I broke her jaw.

My views of what should happen to rapist or someone that targets “weaker” people might be a little extreme. But life has shown me that rapist come in all shapes and sizes. But when I was told to “SHHHHWING on this” by my grade school friends, I never took it as a sexual power play as some might think.

Good for you! Many people have been saying that her reaction was too violent, but I disagree. If she had shouted, "Stop!", that would have let the boy know that his attempts to make her uncomfortable were working. I like her instinct - show him that he can't get away with pushing his genitals in her face! I hope he's learned to never try that again.

Peace!

yes, I chose those words deliberately because I'm concerned about a reverse double standard!

If a little girl made one threatening/obscene gesture to a boy, would we cheer him for punching her in response? I don't think so.

But then I've been arguing for 40 years against knee-jerk "its always OK for US to be mad!" feminism, which gets us only a little closer to the long term goal of treating each other as equal humans.

Am quite used to being in the minority on this.

and of course the teacher should have paid attention to circumstances, & created a fierce lesson in mutual respect, rather than fixing one-way blame.

What an astonishing story. I can't believe the teacher didn't investigate! I think your response, as well as your daughter's response, was right on.

Beginning when I was about your daughter's age I endured what was then referred to as "teasing." That included the boy who, in seventh grade, took advantage of a moment when the teacher had stepped out of the room to announce to the whole class his intention to rape me. While the popular girls squealed "Ooh! He liiikes you!"

How I wish I'd had then the, um, BALLS (metaphorically speaking) your daughter has. Although I don't normally condone hitting people, there are times we need to stand up for ourselves against people who don't understand discussions of ethics and polite behavior.

In retrospect I excuse myself because I was young, innocent, and didn't know how to put into words what was happening to me. (It's true--the term "sexual harassment" was coined the year after that incident: http://www.uslaw.com/us_law_dictionary/s/Sexual+Harassment.)

Kids today seem to know more than we did. It's debatable whether that's good, but there's no getting around it, so it's best that wise and caring adults teach them instead of trying, against the odds, to protect them. A ten-year-old girl who knows her worth and has the courage to protect herself against harassment is far safer in the world than the naifs we were.

Karen E. Lund

Circle of Ignorance ( http://circleofignorance.wordpress.com )

My LinkedIn Profile ( http://www.linkedin.com/in/karen5lund )

When BlogHer expressed an interest in syndicating this post, I was pretty excited. I hadn't expected it to be so highly commented and have the nubmer of page reads it has generated. If nothing else, we're talking about appropriate responses to harassment for girls, and I think that's great.

Several commenters have expressed their distaste for my daughter's response, and I just want you to know that I appreciate your willingness to share your opinion and thoughts on this matter. Violence is not a preferred first response in most cases; what I was celebrating from my daughter mostly was the fact that her first reaction to someone invading her space in a sexually inappropriate way was to defend herself, and quickly.

When I was in my very late teens, I went to a movie with my boyfriend and another couple. The theatre wasn't incredibly crowded, but an older gentleman came in and he sat next to me. aT some point after the movie started, his long coat went over my leg and he started rubbing my thigh, at the same time fondling himself.

What did I do?

Nothing.

I was horrified. Ashamed. Afraid. I couldn't fathom why this was happening and no one had ever reinforced to me that this was not ok. I was raised in a generation of girls that were told to just keep quiet, 'boys will be boys,' respect adults, toe the line...you know. All of that. And for even as strong a personality as I have, I was completely paralyzed by fear.

In self defense classes they try to remove that paralysis and teach women to react immediately and instinctively. If I had been more like my daughter, that man might well have gone to jail for what he did to me. Instead, I did nothing, and for all I know he went on to victimize more young women. Not only didn't I save myself, I didn't save the next girl and the next and the next. And I'm ashamed of myself for it.

So when my daughter acted quickly and without thought to protect herself, I am glad. That she taught that boy a lesson about how not to treat girls, I am glad.

Because there are other issues with both of my kids (ADHD/Bipolar/Anxiety disorder) the immediate hitting response is typically something we work on quelling, as it is a constant problem. Much better now than in years past. But in this one instance, I was OK with it. Every other time that she has hit - whether it be a classmate or her brother, we correct and work on alternatives. I do teach her to go to an adult when she has a problem with another child. I just want to clarify that lest anyone believe that I am raising a child who is not only prone to violence but being coached to hit first and ask questions later...that's certainly not the case.

I want her first instinct to be to protect herself. Someday she may be alone with no adult around, and trying to think of how to get help won't save her then - only quick and decisive action to protect herself.

I think the next part of the discussion could be what exactly is it we SHOULD be teaching our girls to do when they are the recipients of sexual harassment. How young do we start talking to them about things like sex, rape, flashers and molesters? What language do we frame that discussion in? What responses do we teach them? Our girls need to learn to protect themselves, because we can't always be there to do it for them. How are other moms talking to their sons and daughters about this issue?

Really, honestly, a big THANK YOU to everyone who is participating in this discussion. I appreciate hearing all sides and all opinions.

Mary a/k/a BarnMaven blogs at http://www.barnmaven.com about single parenting, living with ADHD, too many animals to count and dealing with ADHD/Bipolar kids.

I'm intrigued by the word choice of the minimizing, non-threatening "yukky" for the young boy's actions and the alarming "immediate escalation to violence" for her. Is this in fact an example of the subliminal message society sends men and women from childhood and the very reason why this young boy didn't think twice about pushing his genitals into an unsuspecting young girl's face?

"10-yr-olds can think, and measure responses. Isn't strategic thinking an important part of girrll power?"

Yes, it absolutely is and I'm sure she's being taught this as well. But, I believe what is woefully being pushed aside is that the young boy had a lesson to learn himself and that is, whether positive or negative there is a reaction and a consequence to our every action. Perhaps, just perhaps, his pint-sized frat-boy behavior won't follow him into adulthood.

Forever Femme, co-writer of "Charred Ice...the burned parts are good for you.
http://charredice.wordpress.com ( http://charredice.wordpress.com/ )

Invasion of personal space by word and gesture is yukky, but I too am startled to read that the girl's immediate escalation to physical violence is being so championed. What would be wrong, or less educational, about her standing up and shouting "Get away from me!"??

I'm not a parent, just an old (fogey?) feminist with training in behaviorism. 10-yr-olds can think, and measure responses. Isn't strategic thinking an important part of girrll power?

Joanna Cazden
www.voiceofyourlife.com ( http://www.voiceofyourlife.com )

I value your opinion but I very much disagree. The crotch in the face was more than an inappropriate choice of words. It was an action. A lewd and agressive one at that.

It isn't lost on me that the teacher judged the effect without a thought as to the cause, which to me, is stereotypical of societal "passes" i.e, boys will boys and girls should just understand this and grin and bear it.

Nonsense.

It has been said that self-preservation is the first rule of nature...and any other boy who saw that right-hook will think more than twice about doing the same.

Forever Femme
co-writer of Charred Ice...the burned parts are good for you.
http://charredice.wordpress.com ( http://charredice.wordpress.com/ )

Liza, I agree with you a 100%.

This is real life, not a set of philosophy questions. I wish neither child was in this situation. It happened.

I can't speak for the other folks. I will take responsibility for my thoughts and responses.

I am not giving a "high-five" for her response to his actions. I am giving props that she defended herself.

Yes, the right choice is to teach children better coping skills. I would never argue against that and, let me be clear, kicking someone in the groin is a extreme way to get your point across.

We don't know if this was the last straw kind of event or one of those things that pop-up between children. We don't even know the full truth of the event.

Children can and do exhibit a range of behaviors. Some of the little buggers can be quite cruel. Which is why we send them to school and faith based places to take the edge off.

Hopefully we keep repeating the appropriate lessons & beliefs about how to handle yourself in situations so that they take root.

But yeah, young girl defending herself or needing defending. I'll stand with her each time.

Gena Haskett is a BlogHer Contributing Editor. My Blogs: Out On The Stoop ( http://outonthestoop.blogspot.com ) and Create Video Notebook ( http://createvideonotebook.blogspot.com )

My mind is boggled.

I don't understand the question "What was she supposed to do?"

It oozes a sense that this girl was cornered and had no other options.

Yes. Adults have options. And so do 10 year old children. We want to be all outraged that a ten year old boy was acting so badly, assuming in our minds that he is way too old to act like that and surely knows better. Yet, there is no outrage that another child responded to a verbal insult with an act of violence, as if she wasn't old enough to know better.

Kids will make bad choices. That's not the outrage. The outrage is that it is our job to teach them the right choices. And, the right choice is not to advocate violence when people are in our "personal space", or say disgusting things.

If the girl knew that she could report what had happened, then she could have and chances are that the boy would have been dealt with and she wouldn't have had any kind of trouble for herself.

If she wants to be more proactive, she could stick up for herself by telling the boy to stop it, or telling him he's being disgusting....or responding in many ways that fall short of punching someone in their genitals.

I don't understand the whole "high-five" mentality in most of the comments on this post.

Yes, adults have options. We want to do the right thing. Both of the people in question are 10 years old. Solutions come first, thinking later.

I'm not advocating violence. Really. But if given a choice between stopping the offensive behavior or accepting that there was nothing I could do I vote stopping.

If a punch to the private got his attention, score.

Now yes, she could have told her teacher or room monitor. That would have ideal. My question would be why didn't the adults in the room hear his invitation to the young lady?

Not picking on the teacher. Classrooms can be hectic but that sentence is distinctive enough not to be acceptable.

Here is my point. The girl can be taught to gage and monitor her defense levels because we shouldn't use force for each situation.

There are limited times when a strategically place punch can do a world of good.

It also speaks of being aware that you can take care of yourself. I want every little girl to know that to the core of their being.

Gena Haskett is a BlogHer Contributing Editor. My Blogs: Out On The Stoop ( http://outonthestoop.blogspot.com ) and Create Video Notebook ( http://createvideonotebook.blogspot.com )