I went on a Silent Date.
By The Armchair Pe... on January 17, 2009
Valentine’s Day is the next shitass holiday drugstores are telling us to get excited about.
Grandma too, she even says “Caila I wish you’d advertise yourself on the Internet and find a man before it’s too late.”
I have been single for a VERY LONG TIME.
I’ve become set in my ways, like a lonely old woman with her cats minus the age, minus the cats.
I honestly don’ t even know if I could DO being With somebody at this point.
But in the name of this upcoming so-called-holiday, in the name of The Church of Walgreens, in the name of human need for ritual being brilliantly reduced to sheer profanity, I am gonna go ahead and give it the good old college try!
Quick song edit, Quick routine atop the refrigerator:
Just posted an ad on Craigslist as Follows.
“Performance Artist Seeking Experimental Date Prior to Valentine’s Day. - 230
Reply to: ……@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-09, 12:55AM PST
Let’s meet for brunch. On this date, we must not exchange a single word except to the waiter/waitress for the ordering process. I suppose we can draw [wholesome] pictures for each other to communicate.
Send me a photo, I’ll send mine. “
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