I will be late.

I just will be. No matter where I'm going or how far in advance I plan my departure. Something will delay me. And the thing that delays me this time will be different than the thing that delayed me last time, so I won't even see it coming.

I will get the diaper bag all packed. I'll get the little man all fed and dressed. I'll buckle him all up in the car seat. I'll stand up and call out to Mike, "Ok, I'm leaving!" As he yells back, "Have a good time!", Ryan will projectile spit up all over his adorable "Prince Charming" onesie. Prince Charming, indeed.

He'll look at me as if to say, "What? Did you have plans or something?"


So, I'll change him. A little more hurried this time. I'll toss him in the car seat, yank the diaper bag over my shoulder, call out, "Ok, I'm really going this time!" I won't wait for a response, I'll just hobble-run out the door (that car seat is heavy, ya know).

I'll get him into the car right as he starts whining. He's whining because he dropped his binky. And now he's in the car, but the car is not moving. And he knows he really wants that binky but he doesn't realize that it's right.in.front.of.him, and all he has to do is pick it up.

So I'll throw the car into reverse, and I will pull out as quickly as I can, so that the whining will stop. And right as I pull out of my complex, it will hit me... I forgot to pack a bottle.

Eff.

He's going to need to eat in about an hour. So, I'll make a u-turn back into my complex. I'll stop the car, call Mike and calmly state, "A bottle! I forgot to make a bottle! I thought I had everything, but I didn't bring a BOTTLE!!!"

He'll roll his eyes at me (I can HEAR it), and he'll say he'll be right down with one. I'll pull around the complex. Ryan will still be whining. He has dropped the binky again (seriously, dude, it's right.in.front.of.you), and the car is simply not moving fast enough for his taste. Mike will come jogging out with a bottle. As he approaches, it will dawn on me...

I don't have any toys.

I'll calmly state, "TOYS! I don't have any toys! He'll get bored and cranky!! WhatAmIGoingToDoooo?!" And Mike will have to make another trip upstairs, and Ryan will still be whining - a little more frantically now, cuz What is taking Mom so long to give me my binky and DRIVE.

So, I'll be late.

 

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