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...settle.
Hell, no. Hell-hell-hell, no. You will never catch me dating someone just because I’m lonely and can’t find anyone else, and I sure as hell won’t get married to someone I’m not absolutely head-over-heels in love with. And I’m not talking about the “early honeymoon-phase of a new relationship” love, but the kind of love where you know without a doubt that the other person strives to make you happy. Because in making you happy, he’s happy. And vice versa. If I don’t have that, I’ll gladly pass on the whole marriage/long-term relationship thing.
...lower my standards.
If I’m not the #1 person in my honey’s eyes, then I’d rather not be in that person’s thoughts at all. Your guy should most definitely think you’re as awesome as you already know you are. (It’s not about being egotistical; it’s about recognizing your positive qualities.) This doesn’t mean his world has to revolve around me, or that we have to be in touch every second of the day – but I need to know I can trust him to hang out with his friends and not get distracted by the attention of another attractive female. There are a lot of attractive women in this world; choose one and don’t let her go. If I can promise 100% loyalty, I expect the same in return.
...grow complacent.
It seems to be pretty much inevitable that the longer people stay together, the more likely they are to take each other for granted. But really, I can think of nothing worse. I may not be able to speak from the first-hand experience of a long-term relationship, but I can tell you what I want, and expect: someone who makes an effort to keep things exciting and interesting. If one person gets complacent, and doesn’t put forth any effort, they’re likely to look elsewhere for excitement.
...play the dating game.
I didn’t date...at all...for a long, long time. In the very first post I wrote for BlogHer back in January of 2007, I disclosed that I’d been single for nine years. I've even referred to myself as a "perpetual single."
Aside from going through my quarterlife crisis, the other reason I stayed single was because I’ve never been attracted to the idea of the dating game. The rules, the acting, the uncertainty. My mindset is that if someone likes me, I’d rather they just told me. You shouldn’t have to wait three days to call me because you don’t want to appear "too eager."
Blind dates are something else I’ve always avoided, but my friend Mary asks me every time I see her why I haven't given her a photo of myself yet. Apparently she wants to keep my photo in her purse, so if comes across a worthwhile candidate she can whip it out and convince the guy to give up his contact information. (Even though she knows the possibility of me calling up some random dude is very, very...VERY slim.)
Mary has also tried to convince my roommate and I on multiple occasions – since we do live so close to DC, after all – that we should try to find ourselves a diplomat or something. (We always respond, quite diplomatically, "Sure, Mary. But what in the world would we talk about?")
Erin asks, "It's o.k. to be single...right?"
I would so much rather be single and playing the field (even though I'm not) than be in a relationship that I'm in just to fill time. LAME! […] Maybe this experience of having no dates and nobody in my life is just different for [me] and I'm not used to it. Like I've said before, most of my 20's were in relationships. I really do think it's a good idea to be by myself for awhile. It's not always easy but I think it's good for me.
Emily shares a great quote she learned from her mom.
I'm reminded of something my mom said to me years ago, "I'd rather be single and miserable rather than with someone who is making me miserable." […]
[Marriage is] about sharing the same values with someone, someone who makes you laugh, and who can accept and maybe even appreciate all of your flaws. Someone that you want to spend every day with and who deeply cares about you. People who think that just because you can't keep your hands off someone or
