- Share This Post
- submit
- 1
-
Sparkle (0)
So I have a couple of ideas for Kenneth Dupin. A couple of posts ago I told you about Dupin and his invention, the MEDCottage, a small trailer you park on your property to house your aging relations. Since I wrote that, I thought of a couple of things Dupin might want to consider including (and I’m only half joking).
First, a Gantry crane. (This is the kind of thing you see in a steel mill – it’s a crane that goes inside a building and consists of two perpendicular beams that move along the ceiling.) It could have a little chair attached, or maybe an extra swing off the kids’ jungle gym. This would allow grannies with limited mobility to move freely around the MEDCottage, from bed to chair to toilet and back again. A belt or harness could be attached to the oldster and in the event of a fall, could hoist him/her back upright (like in Nine to Five, where they have Dabney Coleman hitched to a garage door opener).
Second, tiny but powerful electromagnets could be integrated into the design of proprietary MEDCottage accessories, like the MEDRemote (t.v. clicker), MEDPhone, MEDGlasses and maybe even the MEDMeds (pill sorter) so that when these items go missing, you can just flip a switch on the wall that activates the magnet inside the lost object, causing it to fly through the air from wherever it’s hiding and stick to a magnetic plate in a centralized location. (This shouldn’t be that difficult to engineer; the Coyote bought something similar from Acme.)
Third, and most importantly, the MEDCottage simply must include some kind of MEDCaregiver. These would be a specially bred and raised species of human being. It (there would be no reason for these persons to assume any gender – Sex and the raising of offspring would detract from their stated purpose: caring for the occupant of a MEDCottage.) would come complete with an encyclopedic knowledge of the ailments common to MEDCottage users, i.e., all of them. For this purpose, it would complete 35-40 years of medical training. It would also undergo instruction in the culinary arts, advanced military strategy, hostage negotiation, and musical theater. For entertainment, it would enjoy pumicing fungus-y feet and ironing used giftwrap. It would have no need to sleep, and it would have no sense of smell. It would be unfailingly kind and exceedingly witty, very sweet and fairly pretty. It would take you on outings, give you treats. Sing songs, bring swee-- Oh, wait… That’s Mary Poppins.
continued at thanklessjob.typepad.com/so
