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I've decided that I'm never getting married. The reason is, if I do, my husband might decide he no longer has to contribute his share to the household chores. If I live with someone, there's a higher probability that our non-legal status will keep him on his toes. Or so this study seems to be saying.
I consider this to be a "feel-good study," because any adult who reads it can relate to it in some way. It attempts to offer an explanation for why some men do less housework after they get married, but in actuality it seems to be designed to make all groups feel better. For instance:
Singles and unmarried couples who don't want to get married: "Yes! This is yet another reason why I'm glad I'm not married!"
Unmarried men: "Oh, good. Once I get married, I'll have an excuse to cut back on the amount of housework I do. This study justifies my future life of slackerdom!"
Married women: "That's right; he has been doing less housework since we got married. Now I know why."
Married men who DON'T do their share of housework: "Yeah, that's right. I'm not alone. This makes me feel better because now there's no reason for me to change."
Married men who DO their share of housework: "I'm more helpful than most of my male counterparts. I'm such a wonderful guy. What a lucky woman my wife is." (Puffs chest.)
There should be negotiations and compromises involved with this process. I can't see anyone not getting married because they were worried their future husband might start slacking in his cleaning duties. Plush Duck says it well:
Commitment in a relationship should work as an incentive to stay and work through relationship difficulties (even arguments over the equality of chores), not as a carrot to “keep the edge in a relationship,” as if both parties were operating in the free market of coupling where the competition is fierce and either party can move on to greener pastures at any time. Maybe that is a more accurate description of the coupling landscape these days; in which case, I thank the Lord that I am married because I don’t need that kind of stress in my life.
My experience: everyone hates chores. Yet, if men refuse to do them because “it isn’t their job” and women spurn them to “stick up for their rights,” the consequences get ugly pretty fast --- the home becomes a pigsty, the children do not learn to take care of themselves or to help others, and life becomes an endless series of ‘action items” stretching out before the family like some torturous obstacle course because no one has mastered the mundane to make time for the extraordinary.
Ideally, the amount of housework someone is expected to do should be proportionate to their other responsibilities. Chores that one or the other person doesn't mind doing should also be taken into consideration. Maybe you like vaccuming, and he's a whiz at keeping the mildew off the shower walls. Or one person washes and folds clothes while the other has ironing duties.
It seems only right that we should individually play to our strengths in each household to divvy up the "chores". Which means that at your house you may take out the trash every week. Or maybe one of your kids does that job. But at my house, my husband does the trash. Perhaps at your house, you do all the vacuuming while your kids do all the dishes... or something like that.
Maverick, a male, agrees.
Reduce the tension and tedium by volunteering for housework that doesn’t drive you crazy. My buddy Josh hates washing silverware, but unlike most people, he doesn’t mind scrubbing pots and pans. So after dinner he tackles the heavy metal while his wife merrily tends to the flatware. Compromises like this make a relationship work.
Misi lives in Africa, and says the division of household labor there certainly isn't equal.
Why do most African men feel that the kitchen, child-caring, and general domestic housework inherently belongs to the woman? For many years African men have carried the notion that it’s the woman’s place to take care of the kitchen, cook the meals and care for the children. Back in the day, this concept was mildly acceptable since women were full-time housewives whilst the husband worked outside the home.
However, this myth has continued into the 21st
