I'm Back - Ten Pounds Heavier and Feeling Okay

I am back after a month of travels with the family to warmer climates.  I knew before leaving that I wouldn't worry about eating or exercising and that I'd probably gain some weight.  I also knew I'd feel more comfortable in my body.  All of that came true.

I don't feel like I'm hauling a bag of body weight behind me wherever I go.  I fit into seats and I move up and down stairs and I don't get out of breath and ridiculous little things.

I also still love cheese and tortillas and margaritas and deserts.

Overall, during my travels I ate fairly moderately.  Well maybe not.  I had bigger breakfasts almost every day.  I enjoyed dinners.  I definitely consumed more calories than was necessary to sustain my weight.

What I did that was great was I had my flax seed everyday, I drank plenty of liquids (grinning - in the form of margaritas and beer), and I enjoyed walking around and I had fun.  I also felt comfortable in my bathing suit - not all the time, but most of the time.  Most of the time I was okay and if anybody were to judge me, I'd have felt a spark of "seriously - that's what you want to judge me on?".

What I bombed at was my return to real life.  I had some stressful work to complete and as I got closer to the date, I upped my eating.  I ate chocolate and pizza and more pizza and a cheese roll and more chocolate.  I had no limits.  I got bloated and heavy feeling and I ordered desert.

I knew that I'd get back on the wagon when I returned home, except that my husband was still out of town so I kinda figured I didn't need to start just yet.  Hmmm.

Yesterday I dropped it at the community weigh-in thing and found I was exactly thirty pounds less than I was last January 6th.  That's no so bad.  It also means I'm ten pounds more than I was last August.  

But today I have begun the process again.  I measured out the tablespoon of agave to put on my oatmeal.  I put the bottle of juice back in the fridge without taking a swig.  I entered my daily calorie intake onto My Fitness Pal on my iphone like a diligent student.  And I felt the un-fun weight of self-imposed prison drape down on me. 

I made 64 ounces of de-tox tea, minus the cranberry and lemon since we don't have any.  I drank 3/4 of it.  I expected to feel less bloated, less toxic and to lose weight immediately.

It doesn't happen that way.  All I do is pee.

I ate a super moderate lunch of half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  I ate some fried pork rinds after seeing that nine are only 90 calories.  (Why do I have pork rinds?  Because yesterday in the midst of glorious eating and binging, they sounded good.)

I haven't exercised though I have worn my shorts all morning.  I wore my shorts with my knee socks and found that the fat hangs over the tops of my socks.  I hope that goes away in the next bunch of weeks.

Big inhale - it will.  This is what I learned last year...If I just watch my numbers and have fun exercising, the weight will come off.

What I also learned last year was that I am much happier with the weight off.  I don't mind that I gained ten pounds.  I like my self much better.  I like my body much better.  It does things for me and I took decent care of it last year.  I don't mind it not being my own vision of perfect, but I do like it being normal and comfortable and so I will continue on with this process trying to reach a goal weight and a goal level of fitness and then I will let it ease up into a new normal which is hopefully possible to maintain.



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