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When Peter picked me up at the airport, he had a small bouquet of flowers in his hand and a goofy smile on his face. I'd been gone for a week, tending to BlogHer Boston, BlogHer DC, and visiting the site of BlogHer '09 in Chicago. It was late on a Wednesday night, I was tired, and the LAST thing I expected was for him to suddenly drop to one knee, right there on the roof deck of San Francisco International Airport. But he did, and he asked me to marry him, and I said yes (of course I said yes), and I couldn't be happier. About getting married.
The wedding? Um...
I am 33 and Pete is 40, and we have both been married before. Not only that, but we've both had lavish, formal-like, fancy-pants weddings before, too. So...do we do it again? And if so, how?
We don't know. And we keep going 'round and 'round in trying to figure it out.
In the ABSOLUTELY WE SHOULD HAVE A WEDDING camp, we have the basics you'd expect. First and foremost, we want to say our vows to each other, in front of the people we love most in the world. I want my family to be there, especially since my parents cannot be. Secondly, we are not entering into this lightly. In fact, my wedding managed to take on far more significance the first time around than my marriage did. This time, it's most certainly the opposite. We're older, wiser (at least, we hope we are), and we want to get it right this time. We dated for three-plus years before making this decision, and now that we're confident it's the right decision, we want to celebrate it! Lastly, I know how to put together an event, and I love doing it. So there's no added stress to the planning process -- that part, for me, would actually be fun.
In the WHY WOULD WE PUT OURSELVES THROUGH ANOTHER WEDDING? camp, there are all these other factors. For one thing, our engagement is decidedly NOT about a wedding, but about our commitment to each other. I have no need for something formal or lavish to make it feel real, it just is real. I cannot envision doing anything one traditionally does at a wedding (I barely did any of them the first time):
I don't want a big poofy dress (been there, done that, see Exhibit A for proof); I don't want posed, formal photos; I don't want to toss a bouquet or do the garter dance thing; I don't want to make a big deal out of cutting a cake (I don't even want a cake, I just want cupcakes -- and maybe popsicles).
At most, I just want to assemble our friends and families together for a lightning-quick ceremony and then I want to feed them lots of unexpectedly delicious food and have my friend's 80s cover band play while everyone gets good and loaded and has a jolly ole' time. I just can't take the idea of a "real" wedding very seriously.
So do I want to drag all these poor folks out from across the country (everyone in my family lives in the Northeast; Pete's family is in Arizona and LA), if I'm not going to even give them a cake-cutting? I mean, it's not just that flying out and staying in San Francisco is expensive, it's also totally inconvenient. Can I really believe it's justified to ask this of guests if I really don't want any of the pomp and circumstance?
And also, I can't exactly go without mentioning that, while I do enjoy the planning part, absolutely anything we do is going to cost us a small fortune. There is just no way around it (and believe me, I am trying).
I just don't know what to do, and nothing is sitting right with me yet. Should we try and find the most fun, least formal place we can and just invite everyone to our untraditional "party" wedding? Most of the time I think Yes, absolutely! But then I think of how much trouble we'll be putting our guests through, especially if we just want something on the small side. And we start looking at the costs and the timing and the hassle, and next thing you know, Peter and I are discussing City Hall
