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Coming out is something that everyone in the GLBT community will have to face at some point in their life. We all handle it in different ways and in our own time. Some people come way out, some come half way out and stay half way in, and some try to stay in the closet for as long as they can. I see coming out as a rite of passage almost, as the first and most difficult step in a life full of coming outs.
Coming out isn't a one time event, and it doesn't end with telling family and friends. Life is full of meeting new people and making introductions. It's full of deciding. Do I really need to out myself to the chit-chatty dental hygienist who asks me what my husband does for a living? Or, do I just play the pronoun game? Do I tell the satellite installation guy that I am "the husband" when he keeps asking my partner to talk to her husband? Do I write same sex partner next to the box which I check as married because legally I'm not, but I'm also not divorced, widowed, or single. Is it really important for this person or that person who I meet for a brief moment to know that I am a lesbian?
We all have our own set of reasons to fear coming out. I grew up in the Midwest in a pretty conservative, middle-class, Catholic family. And I don't mean Easter Catholics. I mean go to mass every day, dyed-in-the-wool Catholics. I was terrified to tell my parents. I feared they would disown me. Never speak to me again. But I reached a point where the burden of keeping such a secret became greater than my fear of losing my family, and that's when I knew had to tell them.
It wasn't easy and it wasn't a Hallmark movie moment, but my parents didn't disown me. They have always been kind and inclusive and have treated my partner like part of the family, but their views on marriage and family have not changed. It wasn't until I read Caroline's blog, Mirror Images of Myself, and Maria's blog, Just Eat Your Cupcake, that I realized I didn't have it so bad. Caroline, raised Jehovah's Witness, and Maria, raised strict Irish Catholic, were both disowned by their families when they came out. Reading their stories made me realize that I need to let it go and accept my mom and dad for who they are and what they do have to offer.
We all have a story, they are all the same, and they are all different. In surviving coming out, we become stronger, more confident, and hopefully a bit wiser. We can be a valuable resource to those trying to find their way, which is why I really like The Lesbian Question. The Lesbian Question posts questions by women seeking advice or support. Most often the questions are of the "how do I come out" or "I think I'm gay" variety. I know I could have benefited from a site like that when I was fledgling lesbian.
And one last thing. Since this is my first BlogHer post, I should probably introduce myself. I am Zoe. I'm here, I'm queer, and I'm gonna blog about it.
