I'm a horrible Mom
On occasion, well quite often I don't do what my girls want. I always tell them "This house isn't a democracy, we don't vote, I am the ruler and you do as I say! hahaha I love it! Being a mom isn't about making our kids happy, it's about making me happy with the decisions I make as a mom.
I didn't have the best example, not to insult my mother but her style of parenting was totally different then mine. She was a great cook, you know everyone thinks their mom is a great cook but mine really was! She was the one that at every party, you wanted what Auntie Minnie brought. She cooked food from so many different countries, we were never bored, I mostly only cook Mexican food. She was so talented, she was the craft queen! She would make and sell everything from photo albums to sweaters, she loved it. I talk about her as if she's not here anymore, she is, she just doesn't cook or craft any longer. I love my momma, she's sick now and has had so many medical issues she is resting comfortably and being cared for by my sister, who by the way does a great job!
My mom was also a push over, she didn't have much of a back bone. I said I wanted it, she bought it. I said I wasn't gonna do it, she did it for me. I said I wasn't going to school, she didn't make me. I didn't come home, there were no consequences. I'm not sure why, she was married to my dad for many years who was abusive, so I know she felt bad that my brother and sister had to endure that life so she dropped all the rules when he left. I know her mother abandoned her and her siblings when she was young, I don't really know if that had an affect. I do know that she wasn't very good at confrontation, she just always said ok, to me, to everyone, to her husbands and I vowed never to be like my mom. I have this little voice in my head when my kids or man are doing something I shouldn't ignore, it goes off "Don't be like your MOM!", it screams in my head!
I let my kids get away with a second or third popsicle when they shouldn't but when it's time for bed, it's time for bed. I often get comments thrown at me like, you're mean, I don't like you and many others from my daughters and I love it! These comments bring great joy to my heart and they know it. After they say negative comments they follow up with a I love you, you're the best mom, thinking that would hurt me. lol I just follow with "I know you do!" Here's how it goes.......
Me: "Ari, shut down the computer and get to bed "
Ari: "You're mean"
Me: Fist pump in the air "Yes, that means I'm doing my job"
Ari: "I love you"
Me: "I know you do"
Did I forget to mention that I fist pump too? Yes, every time they shoot a negative comment my way regarding my parenting, I fist pump and say yes in unison. I tell them that there's no greater joy then to know that I am not doing what makes them happy but doing what is right. I don't want to raise another me, I don't want daughters who do as they please and don't do as I say. I constantly remind them that this is my house, and that I only let them use their room, you know borrow it. You can't throw me out of my room, I pay for it, it's not theirs! Now don't get me wrong, they get away with more then they should but when it comes to the important things like school, I don't budge. I don't just threaten like mom did but I follow through, I say I'm gonna turn off your phone, I am.
I think the most important thing is following through even when it hurts, just turn on the switch, your switch may be different then mine. Don't let it get you down when they say you're mean if you're doing what is right, smile like I do, I get so happy and so glad that I'm doing what is right. After a while throw in a fist pump and say yes! My daughters know it doesn't bother me anymore and don't say I'm mean as much because they don't want to make me happy. Now, I get more I love you's! Double Yes!