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It was almost this time last year that I wrote You and Your Partner: Birds of a Feather? Or a Horse of a Different Color? It really was the question of my early to mid 30s: Best to date someone inside my industry or outside?
It's funny how things plague us, and then one day you've just figured it out for yourself. Early on in my relationship with Hunky Actor Boyfriend, I finally realized that for me, dating someone who's right there with me is definitely what I prefer. Even with all the industry angst we take turns feeling, I just really can't get enough of talking to someone who understands what I'm talking about and what this world is like.
He's one of a small handful of men I've dated who has had really useful insight into my world and my goals, and he's the first who's actually there with meaningful words of encouragement about getting through the down days. That's been really wonderful.
I think it's a function of who I am, really. This world and my career goals and the life I want to lead are such an integral part of who I am, that sometimes even having to explain my industry-specific vocabulary is just tiring. Whereas, talking with someone who understands and who has similar goals and a similar work ethic is inspiring. Writing together is really cool.
I enjoy conversations that begin with a base level of entertainment industry understanding. You might be surprised how many people you date in L.A. who are fully outside of that. I find it frustrating.
In film school, some people used to joke, "Can't we talk about anything else?" Because it was always film, film, film. But I'm in the camp who's more often than not asking, "Sure, we could. But why?"
Of course, it's not the only thing in my world, but it's a lot. It's what gets me going and gets my heart pumping. It's who I am.
Logically, I can see the wisdom behind having a non-industry spouse. And certainly, I can see the appeal for all those established men in the industry with stay-at-home wives. The industry schedule can be crazy; it makes sense to have someone at home to provide some stability. Who can match your crazy hours so you don't have to weather the times you never see each other. Who isn't ever having the frustrated creative angst. Who represents life outside the La La.
Hell, I've fantasized about my house-husband for years, but the fact is, I can't support him anyway. It turns out I'm looking for more of an equal partner - not in the sense of I do this and you do that, but in the sense of We Do This Together.
Partners in the entertainment industry and everywhere else. I'm looking for someone like me.
~
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The Spaghetti Lesson - Completely unrelated, actually, but funny nonetheless!
Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.
