I'm No Ashley Judd- Confessions Of A Narcissist

Dear Universe,

I am a closet narcissist.

Ashley Judd recently wrote wonderful empowering article in response to the media’s attack on her “puffy face.”  It is no secret I am in love with the Judds. Each one of the ladies has unique attributes. Ashley shows poise and grace, while remaining strong and beautiful. I adore her.

After I read her article I went upstairs, showered, and upon looking in the mirror THERE IT WAS- I discovered my first wrinkle.

So, I did what any self-respecting woman would do- I made a dermatologist appointment for a filler.

All of my warm fuzzy feelings from Ashley Judd’s self-acceptance article went out the window.

I then realized I am all about focusing on internal qualities, self-acceptance of my body, and loving who I am…As long as I look exactly what I want to look like while all this self-love is taking place. (Did I miss the point?)

So, off I went to the dermatologist.

Dr: Your skin is looking great, but I think I want to switch you to Retin-A micro.

Me: Actually, I am here because I think we are ready to take the next step in our relationship…I want an injection.

Dr. You are 25?

Me: Actually, I just turned 26.  See, I have a smile line on one side…right here…

Dr: Examining the area closely – Hmm I see what you’re talking about

Me: YES, let’s fix this bad boy!

Dr: Have you been using Retin-A in this area?

Me: Yes…

Dr: Did you notice this line when you started using it?

Me: Yes, and I applied extra on because I’ve heard it prevents wrinkles.

Dr: It does, but not in this area. Don’t use it around your eyes or mouth.

Me: Okay! Now let’s fill it!

Dr: It doesn’t need to be filled. Stop using Retin-A

Me: What!? You aren’t going to give me my filler!? I’m the patient! If I want a syringe full of botchulism stabbed into my face, then that is what shall be! The customer is always right.

Dr: It is painful procedure and you don’t need it.

Me: Hah, procedure? I scoff at term. The right of passage for every adolescent female in my family is a nose and boob job! A little Juvederm is child’s play.

Dr: looks down at my chest confused… I am not doing it, you don’t need it. It would be in poor taste if I did it.

Me: I will have you disbarred!

Dr: I’m not a lawyer…

 

The doctor left me at that point.

It was a very hideous un-Ashley moment. I also realized in that moment that was my true authentic self... How sad.

 

I went home and did not use Retin-A the following days.

I now have pimples, but my wrinkle has miraculously vanished.

So, I am left with acne and the realization of my ugly truth.

Sigh…

I now know that when push comes to shove, I am a lot of talk about loving what God gave you, but deep down it is not how I feel about myself. I truly am a product of my environment. The sexist and objectifying images I’ve been bombarded with all these years really has affected me! That is horrifying.

I hope one day I will be excited about aging gracefully. A soft fold and wrinkle will look lovely (with strategically placed botox)…. And I will be openly outraged, shaming the people criticizing my aging body.

But…I’m not ready yet.

Sincerely,

Future Puffy Face

iamnotthebabysitter.com

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