I'm not a fan of the Styx, but in trying to think of a title for this post, "I'm Ok" came into my head. I wondered, is there a song for that? I guess that's the perks of the internet. Seek and ye shall find.
I listened to the song on You Tube. Yep, still don't like the Styx, but the lyrics really spoke to the way I'm feeling today:
'Cause I'm O.K.
I finally found the person I've been searching for
I'm feeling good about myself and that's for sure'
The other morning, I got dressed and looked at myself in the mirror. The body-hugging shirt showed the rolls that I'm forever trying to get rid of or hide. I sighed, feeling bad about my body again, and started to go look for a different outfit.
Suddenly I stopped, and looked at myself in a new light. You know what? Yeah, I'm 20 pounds overweight, but I don't look THAT bad. I'm a real woman. I have curves. I gave birth to 3 children in 4.5 years. Those luscious hips allowed me to give birth relatively easily. Those ample, not-so-firm breasts nourished three babies for over a year each. That waist that I'm forever trying to hide grew those three babes in warmth and comfort.
Yes, I don't look like a taught, 15 year old girl anymore. But I'm so much more now than I was then. I have had many life experiences, and this body is my merit badge. It may not look it, but it is strong. It took me on a 400km bike trip this July. It allows me to pick up my three year old and carry him when he's feeling tired and cranky. This it does, and so much more, asking for little in return.
My problem has ALWAYS been that I let my brain overthink and convince myself that my body isn't good enough. That it will never be good enough. Even my thinnest wasn't good enough. I step on a scale, don't like the number, and allow it to colour the way I feel about myself. I look at the size on my jeans and allow it to lower my self-esteem.
My new goal is to take care of myself. I have to love me no matter what. I am a role model for my children, and I don't want them growing up thinking it's normal or ok to constantly look down on yourself, to never be satisfied with yourself.
I have to love myself for who I am, not for the weight or size I am. Exercise and healthy eating should just be for that - health. I love myself and my body, so I want to do the best for it that I can. Not because I want to see a certain number on the scale or on the waist of my jeans.
This is me - curves and all.
And I'm ok with that.