I'm Starting A Help Line For the Stars

I'm Starting a Help Line for the Stars.

I had a dream about Brad Pitt last night. Not quite what you would expect though.

I was walking with my large extended family through an outdoor mall. I'm not sure why we were gathered, but there we all were. Having a great time, moseying along, fossicking in the shops.

I passed a VERY small shop, barely a couple of metres wide. It was advertising weight loss with big red posters stuck up on the window. I took a peek inside and there, sitting on a little muffin stool, wearing the goatee beard and dorky hat he's taken to recently, was Brad Pitt.

Being Australian and therefore allergic to celebrity, eyes quickly snapped away and we went on a little more rapidly.

Shortly after, we all sat down to tea. Because there were so many of us, it was messy, with round tables pushed together haphazardly. So I was a little taken aback when who should come sauntering along and seat himself down with us, but Brad Pitt. He thanked us for not making a fuss. Said that the shop was one of their alternative businesses and that he believed in being hands on. My relatives made polite conversation, asking him how it was going etc.

Brad then warmed to his subject and commented that it was nice to see families getting together, that it was tremendously hard for him and Angelina to do anything like that with the media intrusion. All this while he was eating our garlic bread.

Things are a little hazy then. I remember lots of relatives pitching in thoughts, but I can't remember who said what.  There was a tremendous surge of energy through our collective group and people began talking...

"Well you're not helping yourself with all that drama you create. If you'd just settle down and keep to yourselves outside of movies, things'd be calmer". (Brad looked confused as if the idea had never occurred to him).

My relations continued..."Look at Paul Newman. He was the most famous actor in the world. Happily married to Joanne for forever. Did you ever read about his secret exploits? His dalliances with former girlfriends/wives?" (Brad graciously didn't say anything, just looked mildly discomfited).

And my relations continued... "The thing you have to remember is that even if the media retreats, life is still gonna be hills and valleys and bumps. That's just how it is for all of us, celebrity or not. Look at Paul Newman. He had Money and Success and Good Looks, just like you. But even with all that, he still couldn't prevent his son dying of a drug overdose... "

"I don't know how I would react if my child died, but I hope I would be a little like Paul. He went out and began that salad dressing business that grew into something extraordinary. And it's still doing good things, even though the guy is dead! How about that!"  (Brad just nodded thoughtfully).

"You guys seem to be on the right track with all the children and the UN and Haiti. You're just missing something. Tell you what, why don't you give Joanne Woodward a ring and get on over to her house to find out how her and Paul did it...".  (Brad seemed to think it was a good idea, saying "Yeah" quite a lot).

And with that the conversation turned to other things. In fact, it may have been weight loss.

Eventually, my husband and I had to take our kids home to bed. We had rented the two bed unit in our motel a short distance away. More surprises awaited us when we got there.

I walked into the ensuite to see Brad standing there. There was a certain sense of unreality - Brad Pitt in my BATHROOM. He looked at me apologetically and said "The manager gave us this room because we have more kids than you- very sorry. He said you can have the room down the hall..."

And so, just like that, we moved our stuff next door. My real self would have been furious and loud at this turn of events, but in this dream I just accepted it.  Brad had all his kids and they were very noisy.  He probably said the same about us.

You won't read about it in the social pages, but Brad Pitt came over toour table and spent the evening happily with us.  How about that!!  But I've got to tell you. He is a bit of a shit. Don't let him know you've got the last two bedroomer nearby.

This morning, in real life, I told my husband all this. He just laughed and rolled his eyes. How I love that man. He was not at all perturbed that Brad Pitt had been in my bathroom.

I don't know where Angelina was in this dream or why my subconscious excluded her. I have been thinking about this dream all day, trying to figure out where it all could have come from. Am I just plain certifiable?

We never can know celebrities' real lives.  They are both easier and more complicated than ours. I hope the Jolie-Pitts make it. I honestly do.  It would give me much pleasure to only hear about them in their movies.

And he would be wise to give Joanne a call...

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