I'm unsure

My sweet baby girl was born dead on July 10th 2012...

Harper Lynn

I'm so unsure of how to deal with this... I feel like I'm grieving wrong. I keep reading that there is no right or wrong way to grieve but I still feel like I'm doing it wrong.

Inside I'm broken, my heart aches... it physically hurts. But outside I feel like I should be showing it more. I feel like I should be crying all the time and unable to get out of bed and worthless. Inside that is how I feel but it doesn't match my outside. I think I am trying to be strong so people leave me alone.

My husband likes having company and wants help with everything. But I don't. I want to do things on my own. Like the trees. We had some people buy us 3 trees in rememberance of our little girl and we were going to plant them on Saturday, well his parents asked if they should come up and help and I wanted to say "no" but I told him it was up to him. He said "yes" that the company would be nice. I like the company every now and then but I also want to do things alone.

So if on the outside I put out the image that I'm doing good and everything is fine people are less likely to pity me and try to do things for me. I want to grieve alone.

I miss her. I miss being pregnant. I miss not having a newborn to breastfeed and keep me up at night. I miss the joy of having a baby girl to show off.

I'm empty. My womb is empty.  


In order to comment on BlogHer.com, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.

Recent Posts by s.ashmore85