My sweet baby girl was born dead on July 10th 2012...
I'm so unsure of how to deal with this... I feel like I'm grieving wrong. I keep reading that there is no right or wrong way to grieve but I still feel like I'm doing it wrong.
Inside I'm broken, my heart aches... it physically hurts. But outside I feel like I should be showing it more. I feel like I should be crying all the time and unable to get out of bed and worthless. Inside that is how I feel but it doesn't match my outside. I think I am trying to be strong so people leave me alone.
My husband likes having company and wants help with everything. But I don't. I want to do things on my own. Like the trees. We had some people buy us 3 trees in rememberance of our little girl and we were going to plant them on Saturday, well his parents asked if they should come up and help and I wanted to say "no" but I told him it was up to him. He said "yes" that the company would be nice. I like the company every now and then but I also want to do things alone.
So if on the outside I put out the image that I'm doing good and everything is fine people are less likely to pity me and try to do things for me. I want to grieve alone.
I miss her. I miss being pregnant. I miss not having a newborn to breastfeed and keep me up at night. I miss the joy of having a baby girl to show off.
I'm empty. My womb is empty.