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Increasingly debt collectors are going after the living to pay the debts of the departed. In many cases the family members these debt collectors contact have no legal obligation whatsoever to pay the debts. This article however reveals that some pay it out of a desire to honor the dead or help them "to rest easy, knowing their obligations are taken care of."
While there are many interesting issues this news raises, one that struck me is the idea that, even when dead, we sometimes want for ourselves and for our loved ones to have their external reality and image to match our self-image. I wondered why someone would go into debt themselves, seek a second job or come out of retirement in some extreme cases so that their deceased relative would not be thought of as a deadbeat even if they were in fact someone who could not pay their debts or leave an estate that could cover the expenses. Consider this person given as an example:
A man has left credit card debt of $26,693.77, the legacy of a battle with cancer. A widow says her husband “had no money. He pretty much just had debt.” Asked about an outstanding account of $1,084.86, a woman says the deceased had no property beyond “some tools in the garage” and an 18-year-old Dodge.
I can certainly understand that there are many who feel that a debt is an obligation that morally should be honored. I think that is an admirable value. But do I think that this man's widow should come up with money she does not have because death prevented her husband from repaying his debt just to maintain his morals after death? Absolutely not. His death is not a dishonorable excuse for not paying his bills. And the credit card companies made a contract with him. They have to be aware that this is a possible outcome and account for it in their business planning. Either that or only advance credit to those they are certain have sufficient liquid assets so that their estate can pay upon death.
It seems that the collectors have this self-image disconnect, as well:
About half of DCM’s hires do not make it past the first 90 days. For those who survive, many tools help them deal with stress: yoga classes and foosball tables, a rotating assortment of free snacks as well as full-scale lunches twice a month. A masseuse comes in regularly to work on their heads and necks.
If this job felt right, righteous and moral I suspect they would not have a 50% turnover rate every 3 months.
So why do we do things like this? Why do we care what people think of us? And why are we so often convinced that if we do not behave as expected or in ways that we perceive will get others to think of us in the way that we want to be seen that somehow we are frauds and failures?
There are a number of names and reasons. One is that we do not believe that we are in fact good enough, smart enough and doggone it, people like us. Or we don't like what we see in the mirror or in photos others love of us. Some call it Obligation or Imposter Syndrome. Regardless of how it is named, it is a trap, a prison that limits us from being happy and truly successful in life.
I work at overcoming Impostor Syndrome all the time. The Wikipedia article linked says it particularly affects graduate students and women. In that case, as a female graduate student three-peat, I am no doubt Queen Impostor. But I work at building my self awareness and self esteem in healthy ways. And, should I be struck dead tomorrow and my student loan holders come knocking on my parent's or sister's door, I hope they won't feel an obligation to help me rest easy because that's my job.
Would you feel obligated to pay a relative's debt if you were not legally obligated to do so? Would you you want them to ensure that you retain your values in death as in life? Do you ever feel like an impostor and behave in ways designed to get others to think you are a better person than you believe yourself to be? How do you accept that you are indeed as fabulous as those around you believe?
Related Reading?
Tara Kuther, Ph.D. at About.com: Graduate School - The Impostor Syndrome: Are You
